04/30

I felt pretty good today. I was able to walk a bit which is nice. Sometimes I don't get to walk a couple days in a row because I feel like shit. I try to will myself into doing stuff but that doesn't work all the time. Tomorrow I go to KC for AA. It kinda sucks but it is nice going to the sporting game and being able to drive home and not throw up and get in trouble and then I can go home and play video games or whatever. So not drinking is awesome especially if you watch people in the 30's drink at sports events. You know they will be hurting the next day.

04/29

This weekend I felt pretty good. I went to sporting kc. Sporting kc is in a slump and have tons of injuries. On Sunday I went to Bar K to look at dogs. It was amazing.

04/26

Tomorrow Sporting KC plays. It should be a good bounce back game for them. I walked 2.5 miles today but probably cancelled that out by eating a shit ton. I am getting better at PES 2019 and Gears of War. I am ok at Forza Horizon 4 and I will keep grinding. Holy shit I am at work and my body and mind don't want to be here. I just go to say fuck you body mind and soul and grind this shit out holy fuck it sucks.

04/22

This weekend was easter weekend. I played video games and hug out with family. My dad made some pork chops and they were fire. I read as much as I could and tried to spend as little money as possible. I am trying to save money for travis tritt, nascar, and the fuel that I need to make it to to those shows. I also need money for sporting kc. I walked today which was a win!

04/18

It is thursday. I was able to walk 2 miles before work but I ate a couple of chili dogs because my stomach hurt and I needed some greese to feel better. So the walking was a win but the chili dogs were not I got 3 days off and I am hoping I can play video games and have some fun. 1. Get good value out of my visio and occulus. the occulus cost 375 and I barely play it. I woul like to play project 2 and rfactor 2. I want to get some new music downloaded so I don't hear the same old shit over and over.

04/17/

Today I went to an AA meeting and met with my sponsor. I had less anxiety and depression this week and I have friday off so that is nice. I had some catfish and some other bullshit for lunch so my diet was not a win today, but going to AA and not drinking is a win. Sporting KC plays at home April 27th and I will get a free t shirt out of the deal. Hell of a deal I say. It is already hot as fuck where I work. That sucks. I drank water today instead of pop which is a win.

04/16

Today I was able to walk 2 miles. That is back to back days of two miles which I am grateful for. Normally I feel like shit and can't do much other than go to work. I was able to watch some videos called "motivation addict" so even though I am not getting a ton of shit done I can at-least watch people get shit done. I am getting my car detailed on monday which should be sweet and I have to call my financial advisor tomorrow for my year end review. It is tough to save money but I know if I want to eventually retire I have to put money away. I had some ham today an some eggs so that is 5 points I guess on weight watchers. My goal is 187 and to be really small so I can not have stress on my body but that is a fuck ton of weight loss. Sporting KC is off this week. I was able to get some value out of my visio tv and my Occulus and ps4 and xbox one this weekend. I like to use that shit as much as possible and resist buying new toys.

a victory for me

I was able to keep my points down for weight watchers for the first part of the day. Saturday was shitty but I did pretty good. Sunday was bad. Monday seems to be better. My goal is 187 pounds but that is way away right now. So just inch at a time. Pun intended. It seemed like at work today I was able to grasp overall ideas like remember materials and where they go and just the general function of the job. Most of the times I can't do anything but just do something that is right in front of me. My goal is definately not to drop any bags this week.

04/15 Tax Day

Yesterday I went to Sporting KC. Sporting Kc dominated the run of the play but only got out of the game with a tie. There was a guy yelling the entire time and he pissed people off but I thought it was funny and it gave me my 30 dollars worth out of it. Somehow I made it into the game as well with 2 percent charge left on my phone. Busio a 16 year old for Sporting KC has scored 3 straight games which is amazing. Looking forward to laughing and having a good time the rest of the season. The weekend I played lots of Rfactor 2. I was semi-obsessed with comparing Nascar 2003 and Rfactor 2 with the nascar mod. Both are pretty good games. I played some baseball and I played one game that was intense that I almost came back from being down 5-1. I flew out to end the game but my heart was pounding which is a nice cheap thrill for cheap video games. I played with my occulus as much as possible but I got sick at one point and had to take them off. Monday I woke up pretty depressed but I got a good workout in and got my shit together enough to go to work. I got a 4 day work week and I don't want to piss anyone off by not doing my job so I am going to put in work today. I took my meds as usual as well which I normally do I just want my mood to be ok to below average.

04/12/

Today I woke up and I walked a mile on the treadmil. Then I played forza 4 and some baseball. I used my Oculus rift for about 15-20 minutes as well. It was pretty fun. Forza horizon 4 is very fun.

04/11

Today I woke up and an Thrustmaster t300 alacondra edition has gone on sale by some dude in lawrence for 275 bucks. I am tempted to get it but the way my car has been going to shit and my tires going to shit I am going to try to get by on my g29 for another year. I also have Travis Tritt, Nascar, and Sporting games coming up. I always want to cultivate the skill of saving money and using the toys I already have. Using imagination with the toys I already have.

04/10

Monday Tuesday and Wednesday have come and I have had lots of anxiety and depression. It sucks but I know it will pass. Lots of it just feels like I am not doing enough at work or I am not enough of a person to be successful. I know realistically that I am just a dude getting by and I am not a brain surgen or air traffic controller. So It is a bit sucky why or how I put pressure on myself, but day in and day out I work and do what I need to do. I brought this up to my sponsor and called him a couple times and went to an AA meeting. If it gets worse I can find a social worker at mosaic or get some help through work. My diet has sucked idk how much weight I gained but it sucks going to weight watchers every week and not losing anything.

04/05/

Today has started out alright. I was tired and ate like shit because I was tired but couldn't fall asleep so I felt like shit. I got to work on time which was nice. I played some asseto corsa and some games ps4. I am ready to play some forza horizon this weeekend. It looks dope. I am checking out some games on game pass. I hope it is nice this weekend so I can go to kc. Today it brought me joy to knock around the baseball in MLB the show 2016. Today brought me joy that I am happy healthy and not in the legal system. It is nice to not have credit card debt. PEOPLE ARE STUPID WITH CREDIT CARDS. I am as well sometimes. 2 times week I went to the break room and I want to feel good so I snack, but instead I told myself. No you are not hungry. I doubt that translates into loosing weight on weight watchers but I want to give myself credit for doing so. WAY TO GO ME. I AM A FUCKING PIMP AT SAYING NO FOR SNACKS AT WORK./

04/04

A win today is that I didn't stop to get ice cream at DQ. I remembered the saying. Dicipline weights ounces regret weighs tons. I was able to play some video games today. I am getting better at mlb the show 2016

040/03/

Today was a nice little productive wednesday. I woke up and drive to KC. I played my mom's money on her casino card and didn't win shit but had fun. I went to my sponsors place and I went to AA. It was a nice little productive day. I also went to this place to order a new computer cord. I really got orginized to get tons of shit done! Sporting plays in a couple days in a huge game. I am looking forward to tomorrow to wake up and play some project cars 2 or some baseball or something. So I got eight hours here then I got tomorrow morning and afternoon to enjoy some video games!

04/02/

Listening to a bit of Jim Rohn today. I woke up and I was hella sore. I played some video games. Game Tickets an PC cords are pissing me off. I didn't go for a walk because I was busted but I didn't eat ice cream or cake. I did track my points and I just had a muffin. I have to get my self-dicipline strong so I am not fat and broke.

04/01/19

This weekend was a bit of a bitch because the tickets to sporting kc game sucked to get and was expensive. It was worth it in the end when sporting won 7-1. Gutierrez had a nice game which I root for him because he gets paid a shit ton. It was nice to laugh and be dumb with Kris VF and MOLLY K. I am hoping to get out to as many games as I can. The weather was pretty shitty but we stuck it out. After the game I started to think about saving money to make up for my car breaking and Sporting tickets. I want to have fuel and concert tickets this summer. So I am on day 3 on the grind watching my money. I went for a walk today before work which was a win as well.