Enthusiasm

Today I was trudging through the day once again. My head was thinking good thoughts. I was thinking how it is nice that I have a roof over my head, how I have something to eat, and how I am loved. I just have been grinding it out of late. My brain won't stay in pain too long, it will go through a list of emotions and thoughts to get out of pain. I finally found something that I was missing. I need to be more enthusiastic about my progress in life and my growth as a person. I see what hard work and determination will do for you all around me, I don't need to be so glum. So I did what I could to make my body language better. I also researched and spoke about it to people. So I made command for me tomorrow morning and a prayer. I will be more Enthusiastic about my day because my life is really good. I know I am getting better as a person by the way I am praying and acting of late. I am really trying to be of service, now I need to focus on being Enthusiastic about the whole process and then the process will be more fun. The main way I can change my state of mind into enthusiasm is to make hand movements and to really give myself to whatever I am doing. This topic is complicated and I think I am the only one that knows what I am talking about. I brought it up and everyone seemed pretty glum that I talked too, they just droned about how they worked and I was like. THERE HAS TO BE A BETTER WAY TO DO THIS. More enthusiasm has to be attained to keep the passion growing in whatever you are doing.

Moving forward.

I am proud that I played high school football. That was lots of work! Jason Gregory was a man beast! Graduating from college was very hard as was keeping a job at Blockbuster. I am also proud that I took steps to go to Ireland, Vegas, Spring Training, and other things. It has been an awesome ride in sobriety so far as well. I am proud to help the addict section of the population and it is always rewarding to help people on that first step to recovery. Now to what I want out of life. The first thing is I want to grow spiritually, mentally, and get stronger physically. I can grow small each day and it really adds up. I want to travel to New York. Washington DC. Germany and Australia. I also would like to go to England and punch Hugh Grant in the mouth. I really would love to invest more time helping people, and even more time getting people off their butts and into the seats of sporting events. I look forward to really seeing Sporting KC next year to see where they go from here and I want to watch as much Nascar as possible. I like the Mavricks and I hope to continue to go to games. I want to see more KU games and I want to play video games. It sounds really weird to waste more time on video games, but they have always been a passion of mind. In fact Kris Von German came over the other day and we played Fifa 2012. It was rewarding and it is a good way to connect to my fellow gaming nerds. I wouldn't mind getting a blu-ray player or a ps3 one of these days. Oh that brings me to another thing I am proud of. My 40 inch TV WITH SOUNDBAR AND SUBWOOFER. It sounds ok and looks great in HD. I am proud to have really put in effort with my grandparents and with my mentor Jamie. I really learned alot. I really leared alot from "The Elder Statesmen" we have real-talk all the time about giving back and how just a small amount of time with kids is rewarding. I have to work really hard to link pleasure with hanging out with kids. Kids are so damn annoying that I can barely stand them, but I know I really have to rearrange my brain to somehow get me to enjoy them. It is important to enjoy kids because what is the point of me going through the pain if I can't teach the next generation ANYTHING. I really would like to be of service and never grow. On my last day on earth I still want to get better moment by moment. I kind of beat ideas into the ground on this blog. I don't think you can write, talk, or think about where you are headed. I have a clear focus on what I want out of life and I feel that the more I write and talk about it the more it gets imprinted in my mind and Sub-Mind.

Freak out or be calm and rational.

My 1% growth came today at the beginning. I am awesome at being stupid sometimes. I took my phone charger at work but left it hanging out one of my doors. I am lucky that the charger part didn't scratch the jeep. The charger part was destroyed though. So I get to work..I had a minor freak out because now I have to decide when I am going to get this charger back. I can't be out of a phone because I have too many cute cat videos to look at! So my 1% growth today came from staying calm. Deciding not to use all my battery life on cat videos until I could get a new charger proved valuable. The rest of work was just a struggle. I have a tough time staying motivated. My main motivation is it would be a pain in the ass being out of a job. I am doing a better job at not procrastination. I used to just wait until the final minute to get everything done, but lately I realize that every minute every minute inch counts. It is a dog eat dog world out there and I am wearing milkbone underwear. So the last couple days have really kicked my ass but I have did my best to really grow, accept some pain, not bitch, and get it my all.... I am pretty happy with myself. After work I went over to Adam and Johns house and we watched KU lose. It was crappy but it looks like Mizzou is going to be a good basketball team. So that is great. I am looking forward already to putting this year behind me. I know I have planted the seeds of hard work and I am going to be harvesting the best days of my life going forward. I just really have to keep it simple...be of service, go the extra mile, work as hard as you can and then alittle bit more, and grow as a person.

Monday

Monday I was presented the fact that a person that worked with me had decided that he didn't want to work for the company anymore. It presented me the challenge to pick up some of his work and to really do the most with the situation. When nature gives you a great day to plant nachos. You have to really plant a lot of tortilla chips of success in the ground so once harvest season comes around you have plenty of nachos bell grandes to share with everyone. So I asked God for help to do the most of the situation, step up, and really take advantage of the opportunity to show my worth. If there is a thing I do ok at it is showing up. So I made it through the day and it wasn't good. I ate a bunch of crap just trying to feel good enough to make it through the hours. After work I felt so warn out and my brain was thinking good thoughts, I was just out of gas. I was able to be somewhat of service talking to people and going over to Adams to watch the Chiefs game. There are a couple people out there today that are lost. They aren't my friends, but I know them...and I know what they are going through. So I have gratitude I don't have fear or lack of direction like these folks. What good is having all the toys you want if you have too much fear and depression to use them. I am not depressed at all. I have the knowledge that yesterday I grew in 1% and I also grew in stick-to-it-ness. People don't go the first mile in this world let alone the extra mile, but I am willing to go through that extra mile and take some pain. In the end I know God will provide me more than enough nachos for me.

KU plays tonight, Chiefs and Mavs Suck. Sporting KC of season, Griffons are doing awesome, haven't seen Mizzou play yet, Penguins are locked out.

Who has two thumbs and wants to grow today? This guy!

Saturday

Saturday was off the chain. Missouri Western beat Northwest, I hope finally one of my teams, and frankly the only team I support with monster dollars...maybe finally this team is going to turn into a title contender? So I was happy about that. I then went to the Missouri Mavericks game and they bounced back and won 5-2. They seem to be slow as crap but whatever. I then went out with Adam and Jason and pushed myself to talk and crack jokes all night. Of course I talked to the hottest girls. The line of the night was when this girl wasn't being nice I told her "Don't worry, when I see you again you will get a chance to make make a better impression." She laughed... It is important for me to get out and talk to people instead of just sitting inside. That way when I work I am constantly getting better at communicating. It is hard for me to not talk all weekend..not improve on meeting people, then get out in the business world and just get the ball rolling. I like to be able to put it in mind to get better at speaking slowly and clearly. So my 1% improvement yesterday came from communication, courage to speak to people, and 1% more fun for watching Mo West beat that ass.

Friday

Friday I just chilled. I thought about going out and getting my 1% growth in by hitting on girls, but I decided I didn't need to be out when I was tired and grumpy. Whenever I am out and grumpy I have a habit of insulting a girl and calling her a slore. I watched three episodes of Boardwalk Empire. There was plenty of nudity and explosions. Northwest vs. Missouri Western is this weekend. It will be a barn burner.

1% more each day

I try to go 1% more each day so I can keep growing. The easiest is to walk further each day, or try to eat 1% more veggies...the hardest is to humble yourself 1% each day. I would like to touch on how big yesterday was. Sporting KC lost but it was an awesome night for the crowd, my friends, and my mom and dad were out there. I am a lucky man that my family can make it out to sports events with me. It is a simple way to do family time and get my sports time in. Two birds with one stone. That leads me to a story with Byrd with two keystones..but we won't go into that right now. So it was nice that all my friends were out at the game and it wasn't a total crap night weather wise. Also the crowd was top class. Everyone I think got home safely. I try my best to get people out of their house and out to experience things that I find awesome. People need push to get out of their comfort zone. Christmas is coming up and I vow to take pictures of things I donate or canned goods I give away. I will not lie, it feels good to give away things and it feels even better to brag about them. I suppose in time I won't brag about what I give or even tell anyone, but I am not there spiritually yet. I found one hole in my game today. I love to wallow in my own shit sometimes. It comes when I don't want to work, get a haircut, go to the DMV. I need to let that crap go and call someone and change my state. I like to hold on to that pity because it feels good to complain and take a warm bath in that emotion. That will keep me from leading the life I want though because I won't take action and won't give out a vibe that will lead to success. Negative vibes = negative results period.