Thursday

Thursday I woke up and took a shower. I went to an AA meeting at noon. I was able to help some people. I had a good time yesterday at the Flaming Lips show. They sound better live than on the albums. They had plenty of trippy things going on. They are legends and the word of mouth about their shows held up pretty well. I would rate the show a B+. We were blessed with some great weather. The opening band was pretty bad. They had good songs, but the songs didn't sound finished and their lead singer was garbage and their backup lead singer was garbage, but the drums and (Two bass guitars?!) sounded good. They had a deep sound and good riffs, but like I said their front man and front girl was not good. I was able to watch some of Manchester United vs QPR. It was in Danish though. I was able to download the New England Revs game to my phone. I have UFC fight night 51 ready to watch after work. Overall it was a good day. I am blessed that my sister Sheree got me free tickets yesterday. Cortland ate a big slice of pizza. He beat halo OST as well which is quite a feat and one that I am not sure I believe. Tomorrow is Sporting KC vs Sparina in a CCL game. No idea how that is going to turn out.

My trip to Micro Center and other random stories.

My laptop didn't work last week. I think a bad cable was the culprit. So I ordered a new cable. Of course the new cable didn't fit. This is the third thing from Amazon that has flat out sucked. 2 sims games didn't work, one memory card lost from amazon, mp3 player dumped in water, one card shuffler that is the biggest pile of dooo dooo ever. I went to micro-center and I bought a cord and I sat down right in the way to try it out because the guys micro-center wouldn't let me try it out before I buy it. Anyway I guess I am glad the cord worked, but it would have been nice customer service to let me try out the cord before I bought it. I then went to a Shell gas station where someone stunk. I don't know if they passed gas or if they had been bathing in turds but someone stunk and I could hear these girls snickering. I turned around and let them know it was me and I had been eating taco bantito all day. They laughed even though I doubt they knew what Taco Bantito is. Should have gone with an in-a-tub reference.

Tuesday

Tuesday I woke up and I felt hungover. I had worked hard then came up to hang out with Andrea. Andrea always has lots of logs on the fire and is always trying to do so much that she gets overwhelmed. That is what it is like for lots of people, but instead of cutting out some of the stuff she just gets overwhelmed for awhile then goes back to work. I was proud that she listened to the mp3's I made on the trip. She dropped the mp3 player I bought in the water, but I knew that if she got some comfort out of the mp3's that it would be worth the time and effort that I put into it. I was pretty upset today as well. I stepped on the scale and I weighted 220 pounds. I just weighed myself at 210 pounds a month ago and I started to count calories. I lost interest in that when work became tougher and I began eating pizza, rice crispy treats, and chicken sandwhiches. So I mean I knew what I was putting in my body and now I am paying the price. I am going to go back to cutting out bread and carbs for today. One day at a time. It is hard to lose weight and keep it off. It is also hard not to beat yourself up. I really focus on work, keeping Andrea's house from burning down, and keeping myself going to AA and staying sober. So I am not going to get too upset about my weight. I still have lots of positives in my life and as long as I keep doing work I will be o.k. I am glad as well I have experience of getting back on the horse and I am glad I at-least care about my weight. I know lots of people completely give up.

Monday

This weekend was garbage for my sports teams. Sporting KC did manage to win against Chivas USA. I have been playing pick em and I almost won the damn thing this week. I picked Denver and the Rams to win with the total of those games being 75 and the score was 77. My fantasy team got killed. RGIII got killed. I was proud of myself for cleaning up Andreas house a bit and buying her flowers for when she got home. She had fun on her trip. I made her an mp3 with important speakers and other inspirational stuff for her trip and she said she used it. That made me feel good because I know how uneasy it can be on a trip. At work they stopped including sales and now me, keith, and ralph our stats look not good. I talked to my Supervisor and he said not to sweat it. He wants me to focus on this Command center they are building that I am going to be trained on. Life seems to be a game on who can stay calm and cool under the ups and downs. That is what I am reminded of all the time. Everyone is going to have stress and curve balls and being overloaded. Who can small chunk your day and not get all bent out of shape and remain calm and keep breaking up your days into small pieces. I felt good tonight and I went to Andrea's. The Royals pulled out a miracle win. Denny Matthews Called it. He said that this felt like a game the Royals were charmed to win. Lots of bloop hits and things going the Royals way. The Royals have found a way to win games and The White Sox have found ways to loose games. He has seen billions of games and he was right. I did laundry today and I watched L.A. Galaxy vs. D.C. United. I also listened to Flaming Lips. I am planning on seeing their show tomorrow. At first listen they really miss notes and sound not good, but I listened to them really hard today and they really grew on me. I really have to give music a chance. I hated a tons of bands first listen, but then they really start to get into your mind, then heart, and soul. Of course there are bands like The Beatles who by the time they are in the mainstream have a tight sound with talent. Sad to see Mo West lose, but Greg zurline with the winning kick for the Rams...He played for Mo West!

Weekend

At work they aren't including sales in rankings for the rest of the year. Which is bad for me because my sales are good. Bla...part of being successful is rolling with the punches. Andrea got home and I made sure I did my boyfriend duty by being there when she got home. She enjoyed the trip. Sunday I woke up not covered in throw up and not in jail because I didn't go out and party. I am going to The Champions League game on Thursday and I need to let my dad know about the game on Thursday.

September 11th

Yesterday the Royals really stepped up. They won and now I can start to enjoy the rest of the baseball season again. Great job by James Shields. They are back at it tonight. I woke up today with a jackhammer right next to my window. I was upset and started out the day horrible. I regained my attitude by praying a bit and asking God to show me the way. God said that the people outside are just trying to put food on their table just like everyone else in the world. Construction all over the place and sidewalks closed were trying to make me mad, but I hung tough. I was able to go for a two mile walk today. I haven't had a chance to walk because I work all the time and just keep up on my personal business. Tuesday I went for two small walks, but today I had the chance to walk my full two miles and it felt great. I got my football picks in this week. Denver winning and St. Louis winning with the total score of 75. I met with Raymond today which is very very very very important to me. I always want to keep the habit going of having another person check over to see how I am doing so I don't get off the path of success. We talked about my dads birthday party and how it went well and how the Chiefs suck and the Royals are doing well. I vow to work on a nightly inventory to make sure I write down that I have been loving to all, and thought how I can help others, and how I try to be unselfish. I was able to donate to the United Way which feels good. Often I don't feel good about donating, but I know my money will buy diapers and baby stuff for people and that makes me feel good. Overall today I feel better than normal. I am grateful not to be hungover and I love shorts and hoodie weather. I am glad that I have this baby laptop to type on. My other laptop isn't working and I hope it is just the power chord. I haven't checked my fantasy team this week, but I know I am 1-0. Jason and Sarah seem to be doing good. I went to Andrea's house while she was away yesterday and I really feel like I need a handgun when I am there alone. It is creepy as all get out. She needs a dog there at all times to bark when people are around. I am thinking about texting vinnie today because I have a feeling he needs a pick me up after the chiefs sucking. Bryce is a Mans man. I have been trying to get an internet chat party going during Royals games. It has been going o.k. Overall like I said I feel decently today. I am glad I don't have school or homework anymore. I am glad my dad's birthday party went well. I am glad my mom provided my dad with a good birthday party. I am glad and grateful I have running water and a toilet. I am glad I got the camping trip out of the way. I am glad Andrea and I are able to hit AA meetings and not be in jail. IF you knew how many people are in detox every week because of Alcholism it would shock you. It's like I live two lives....one of normal people at work who do ok for themselves and the other life of being around people who feel so spiritually, mentally, and emotionally sick that they have to chug booze just to survive. Sad indeed, but I do my part by staying sober, telling my story, and just being there to listen to people. I had a person sit with me yesterday at work and I was able to share my story about how I am in the top 20 in sales most of the time. I am grateful whenever I go to work I am almost always in the top 20 out of 100 workers. That is pretty good and I think that is a bit of luck, but mostly I take advantage of being able to get to work early and I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ASK FOR HELP and always get better. If you aren't getting better you are getting worse. You have to always work on relationships, skills, money, attitude, whatever it is or you are getting worse. I am grateful for youtube and the internet. Even when I am tired and feel crappy I can listen to talks by motivational speakers and it gives me hope for the future.

tuesday

I have been praying for a bit of a break as of late because we are always busy at work. Today I was offered a chance to go home because we weren't busy and I took it. I went to Andrea's house to make sure everything was o.k. there. I took a glance at the weather and it didn't look good. I parked my jeep inside because it is my baby. You wouldn't leave a live baby in the rain would you...WOULD YOU??? I am praying for my buddy Russ tonight. I am active in Alcoholics everywhere and I know how much mental pain people go through trying to stay sober through tough times. He is having a rough time and my thoughts are with him. In tough times my plan is always to let Raymond or even my dad just tell me what to do so I take my emotions out of the situation and take action with a level headed person telling me what to do. I also know there are always plenty of numbers for me to reach out too if I am humble enough to use them. My dad's birthday is today and what can I say. He is the toughest, most unselfish, hard worker, good dude that I know. I have only heard good things about him and he is a hard catholic that doesn't try to "save" people. I have tried to take my work ethic, my giving back, and so much more from him. I also have a bit of his list of things to do down. One of the things that I have gotten from him that has brought me lots of relief is just a routine of boating or doing whatever. Boating or just the attitude of getting things ready for boating has helped me in other area's of life. I love that my dad always goes to work no matter what and he always has cool toys. My dad has always gained skills and he has always prayed and I think God has blessed our family with decent health and Cortland. I love my dad and I loved the game when it was pouring at sporting kc and we won on a Bunbury goal and it was so cold and I ate so much left over meat after we won. My parents also worked hard to get me to Leblond which I think kept me out of trouble, got me into football, and I met Bryce and the elder statesman. The Elder statesman pointed out important things my freshman year and continues to be a good Catholic person. I talk to people all the time that had a bad high school experience, but mine was mostly good with lots of friends that I have had for life. Lots of good people who worked a zillion hours on the education. I am grateful for the time I spent in the Ozarks. Sending me to Leblond I was able to hang out with kids who's parents had money and lake houses. The memories down at the lakehouses are some of the most special memories I have. I was young boozed up and just having a blast. I think that is the kind of feeling heaven will provide. Carefree and having fun. I have thoughts on heaven. I think heaven is going to be a state of mind and not so much being physical. It is going to be a euphoric feeling of wholeness with the creator. I have been praying a lot and I have tried to seek out a power greater than me because it is the only way I have a sense of ease. When I am not praying (Or taking my lexapro haha) I have a constant uneasy feeling. I miss Andrea a bunch. I of course don't understand how much she means to me until she is gone. She is a maniac at working, she is a great athlete, and a deep thinker. She provides me all the laughs and love that a person could ever want. She has a titanic amount of brain power that sometimes is truly a bit scary what she gets done.


Gratitude list: My mom made my dads birthday party a success.
Leblond
football
Royals
SKC
Byrdman
Elderstatesman
Dad
Mom
Running Water
Toilets
Airplanes
Snacks
Funyons