Thursday

Wednesday was a bad day in sports. The Royals lost badly and so did sporting kc. Sporting Kc won the u.s. open cup, but in regular season MLS play has played below average all year. I went with my friend and we had a good time even though SKC has been awful. The U.S. Open cup was passed throughout the cauldron which was cool. Yesterday I got my tickets to the exibition KU basketball game against Pitt State. I am looking forward to basketball season even though I am not sure how I am going to park in my sisters driveway since there is only two spots. I have been trying to remember to "focus on the good stuff" as the audio book I am listening to suggests. Taking an attitude of gratitude is definately important if you want to enjoy the ride of life. I have wants and desires but I have to still appreciate the gift of life and the extra stuff I have all around me. Bryce's wedding this weekend should be fun. He has come along ways since the days of high school. I can't wait to see all my buddies.

Tuesday

I have been listening to the audiobook by Mark Robbins. It has kept me positive. The title is "focus on the good stuff" It really helps me point out negative thinking. Positive thinking is important to love and appreciate life. Lots of times I get worried I am not good enough, but if I do my best things will be alright. Or at-least I will be alright with the outcome. I find myself not focused on the worry, but mostly just generally worried about pain associated with growth with teaching class. It will pass. One thing the book has taught me is to name the negative thinking. The voice inside my head that is negative I named Matt Cassel. So when I am talking I have to ask myself. If this is Matt Cassel talking. The crappiest qb ever? Or is it Ray talking, the awesome person talking!

Random Things

November 11th I have an eye appointment and December 11th I have a theropy appointment. I called Jeremiah Jefferson today to schedule an appointment for my jeep to be fixed. He works at briggs Auto. He was very nice so far. I will be emailing him a copy of my estimate to get the ball rolling on my jeep. My jeep also needs to be cleaned out. I didn't have the gumption to get my jeep cleaned out or do laundry this weekend. I was too busy watching cars #gofast and #turnleft. I got an audio book called "focus on the good stuff" which I really need. I am always focused on working and dieting and other stuff I don't concentrate or focus on the good things. I am thankful for not being in jail, drunk, or overeating all the time. I was grateful for being healthy and hanging out with my dad and watching Nascar. In my 20's I couldn't handle crowds or pretty much doing anything without being medicated because of anxiety. So I have come along ways in anxiety and being about to do stuff without freaking out. I am thankful for libraries. A person can read and apply self help books and really cultivate money or skills needed to make their lives better. That is an awesome thing.

Nascar weekend!

This weekend was Nascar weekend. On Friday I kept to myself and just rested. Friday was an in-depth session in class and it wore me out. Saturday I went by Lenexa Point to get the ball rolling on moving out of my sisters and moving on with my life. Saturday I went bowling and I had one game of 217. That is way above what I ususally bowl. My mom and dad are dieting so they grow old in age and healthy! That is not easy to do especially when all there is around Nascar events is chili dogs and beer. So that is good. Sacrifice and work is nessessary to build ones self. Bryce gets married this week. YASSS The Royals did an awesome job against the Blue Jays. The Blue Jays really bite the big one. No Sir...I don't like the Blue Jays! The Royals need to win 6 more games to win it all.

Thursday

It was a big win for the Royals yesterday. I didn't get to watch it because by the time I left work and got a walk in I was very tired. I should have tried to go somewhere. I hung out and played some ncaa 2008 as the 1996 jayhawks. Pierce dropped in 6 three pointers. I have been watching Grant teach class this week and I know the more I put in watching and learning the more I will get out. I ordered some checks today. I have an eye appointment on November 11th I have a theropy for my brain appointment on December 11th. I still need to get my dentist appointment going. I am mulling over different options for appartment. I want to live in lenexa that is some place reasonable but not too much of a roach motel. It is between madison of woodridge and lenexa point. Lenexa point is closer to work and cheaper but I don't know if it is good or not. Madison of woodridge is the old standbye. If it isn't broke don't fix it maybe what I go with. I will check out craigslist as well. Sometime next week I need to call about my car.

Tuesday october 13th

Big Win for the Royals yesterday. Today I forgot to take FIFA 2015 back to the library. My day didn't start off good. Traffic was bad, I am always super careful. Nothing would ruin a day faster than an auto accident. I was going through some of my theropy books today. I don't have too much anxiety these days unless I am traveling or unless I am going to teach a class that I am not familiar with the material. I can manage good enough not to pop xanix or to quit all together. I keep moving forward in my development in my mental health. I am glad I can go through anxiety and not quit or fold. I was thinking yesterday how life is like poker, exept you can never fold. You always have to play the hand you are delt and do it with a poker face. I do much better with stress and anxiety when I just try to focus on what I can do and not worry about the outcome. I get scared I am going to freeze up during the class. What I am really scared of is doing bad or struggling and having to keep asking for help. I am sure people don't mind helping because they want to develop me, but I don't feel that in my heart or my gut. I had lots of thoughts about reaping what you sow as well. There has been lots of time I have put in alot of hard work and it comes out like crap, but it is also like that for farmers. Sometimes you plant seeds grow crops and it floods and you start again. That is life. It is your attitude and action that make the diffence between winning and losing.

Monday october 12th

This weekend I listened to some music. I also spent time and energy getting two hours of an audio book by Jim Rohn onto my phone. It is important to always be learning and that can take a bit of time and effort to get it set up so I can learn some in-depth information. The book is called how to take control of your life. That is not exactly my phylosphy as in AA you do the work and let God, (Or life if you will) provide the outcomes. So I am looking forward to getting all the information of this book into my mind. I already have one concept down where I have been able to teach. It is a good idea to have your phylosphy's down about situations. Girls, guys, money, God, whatever. It is good to have those phylosophys down so you can adhere to what you think is right and benificial to you. Most people don't have those things thought out and written down. So they just cross their fingers and hope things go awesome. Which they never do. Things don't get better, you get better.