Going over old notes

Going over some of my old journals what stood out is a couple techniques. One is if you don't understand what God is you can assign God-like powers to random stuff. Like this chair over here. I can put in lots of work and let the chair decide the results. Some how psychology it seems to work for me. Anything that makes my brain relinquish control is good. It takes fear out of my day to day life. I really want 4 video games bad right now. NBA 2k17 Nascar Revolution Fifa 2017. I will probably get some of those in the future. One of the questions always pondered in my journals is "What gets my out of bed early and makes me stay up late" for me it is the chance to read, reflect, and polish skills. I think it is interesting how you can learn new skills and learn and develop certain area's of your life. How I can be good at public speaking, then good at a forklift, and then good at networking. I also am really into sacrificing todays pleasure for tomorrows fortune. I know I will get those video games when the time is right. Right now If I buy them I will have buyers remorse.

09/29/2016

I have been pushing myself to not only go to AA meetings, but to go to Hazels the coffee shop here in st. joseph. I know I can make connections and network if I put in the work. Once you get momentum by going out in the public you often open the door to run errands you might normally not do. I was able to get some nice jeans from old navy and get my hair cut for JT's wedding. I wasn't happy with the haircut at the place I went to, I was going to light them up on yelp. I decided to really think about karma. What goes around comes around and you reap what you sow. So I just wrote about it as a joke on facebook.

09/29/16

Today I visited my sponsor Raymond. We chatted it up. Nothing really to report. I kind of suck at my job. I did a nice job making sure the piece pallets were straight and well marked today. I make progress each day and hopefully my bosses see that I am making progress. Job or no job I will be o.k. as long as I do my best. An ounce of discipline goes along ways. I listen to Jim Rohn tapes as much as possible. What I picked up today is keep on redefining what you want. I want financial freedom. Now even if I did have financial Freedom I would still try to cultivate some disciplines. That would be cool to give some money ato friends so we could all kick it as well. I think if I look really hard at my life I am making progress with my spending habits and saving habits. This job may not work out, but I am building resiliency and just overall toughness. You got to be like the energizer bunny and just keep working going and grinding on skills. I am not going well with some of my friends. That is my fault. I don't feel well enough to really deepen relationships most of the time. I just feel like outside of Bryce and "The V-Foundation" I don't connect well with my friends even when I really try. I talk to a social worker and what she said is with my depression and bi-polar I go through challenges 99% of the population doesn't go through so when I try to relate it is hard. I have been doing a good job of going on depression websites and "Liking" status or giving my experience strength and hope. I have been really on the grind there. I think about myself 95% of the day, but I try to pick my spots to help people. It looks like the Royals are going to go .500 this year. It was an up and down year. I will remember this year for Alex Gordon being terrible.

9/28

Today was a miracle. My sheet work at work wasn't totally destroyed and chewed up due to my clumbsyness. Yeah. This is the one year anniversary since a trip to Columbus which made me question tons of things that were going on in my life. Mainly do I want to work from morning till I fall asleep to do certain jobs. Sometimes you can get paid a bunch and do what you love but have a hollow feeling. That is what I felt when I was coming back. It didn't help that I liked one of my female coworkers and she of course turned me down because that is what happens to me. I haven't been doing well at work, but I will keep trying. When I am dead I can reflect on my wins and losses but the record won't show I didn't try. Good weekend for Sporting KC, Chiefs, and Manchester united!

Sports

Sporting KC got a big win. Manchester United got a win, Kevin Harvick got the win, Royals had some nice plays and of course it will be a Red Monday. I got alot of sports time in this weekend.

09/25/16

We bowled this weekend and we split games. We won two and we lost two. I bowled really well but kept leaving 10 pins. I did a good job at not getting too mad. I know that it was just one of those nights when I was going to leave bullcrap leaves after my first ball. I wrote down some notes. SLOW DOWN YOUR APPROACH. I tend to speed up to the line and get all wonky and miss my mark. Slow down and roll the ball over your intended target. I woke up yesterday and I read some of "The intelligent Investor" I was able to focus for a longer period of time on reading that gives me home that my focus will get better at work. At work I need to say out loud, verbally what I am doing to stay focused. I was able to read about 22 minutes which is more focused than I used to be. Hopefully I can read about 30 minutes a day. That will keep me growing and learning.

Stuff

Everyday can be better than the one before it, and I have the power to make it so. Lately I have been focusing on staying more focused at work. One of the tools I use is just repeating what bag I am on and what room I am on. It can be a bit weird to the people around me and it can be taxing on my voice, but it is work after all and anything I can do to stay focused is good. I suck so bad at motor skills as well. I always fumble pens, paper, and other things. I can create jokes and ideas though. I am not happy with the tools God gave me, but I can accept them and play the hand that I am dealt. Most of the times the people who are doing more things around me, I don't want to be them anyway. I suck at somethings, but I am good at sticking with projects and hammering them out, I got lots of guts and I am cool with being uncomfortable. I am also usually cool with my emotions. Loneliness, boredom, apathy, you name it. I read the book "Pathway to surrender" It has taught me how emotions are bad they are just emotions. I am grateful and blessed also to be able to afford books. My life would suck without them.