05/03/

The weekened was ok. I weigh 245 which is alot but I am not stressing. My dad took me on a monte drive and it was beautiful out. I have overtime this week which sucks.

05//01

It seeems like my meds are doiong better. Next week we will be doing overtime. That will be a challenge I am sure it will be fine. It seems like my meds helped calm me down so I didn't shove candy bars in my mouth. That is progress. I was able to go for a monte ride on Saturday. A bit borining but borning is good.

04/30

Going back and listening and reading old journal posts I really worked hard to pay off my car and tried to buildd that skill of loving delayed gratification. Yesterday I didn't get nervous when kyle came out to the floor which is progress I am nervous as fuck normally.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was ok. I went to the boat on Sunday and asked out the hottest waitress there. She was confused but I kept my status as a non-pussy up. I probably gained a shit ton of pounds this weekend. That sucks. Back to the grind monday

Going back in revisiting 19

11/16/19 I was able to go to weight watchers. They introduced a new program with different colors. I was able to stay sober. 11/17/2019 I hit on a girl with sweatpants. She was hot. I was able to use the good vibes I got after talk to sweatpants girl to not gamble and to not spend money. This would eventually lead me to pay off my car early. That was fun and hard work 11/17/19 I tried to use my VR set as much as possible. I kept getting sick and eventually I sold it. I really tried to get my money's worth out of it. 11/18/19 I got a new video card a rx 980 I am still using it. I forgot all about the money I put into that first computer. The card still works so I am getting some value out of that.

11/10/20

I had an issue at work and now I am off two weeks. Everything is ok. I got my Monte Carlo Licensed insured and inspected.

why the fuck do I still have crushes at 40?

On Sunday one person brought up a memory of a girl that I have a crush on. The intense feelings came back and they were there today. I am addicted to feeling bad or at-least feeling "different" I know the universe put everyone in seperate situations for a reason. I would be miserable with this girl and we would break up soon after we got together because she ain't about cars video games and porn like I am. It is easy to have crushes when you never see what a heartless bitch people are or what a pain in the ass they are. All I see is my boring ass life and a hot ass girl on facebook. Anyway the thing that gave me some relief and I saw that with her I would be broke as fuck and that I should just trust the universe. It has my back.