snugga ski ball 02/12/09

So Snugga and I were playing skiball yesterday, god we love ski ball. He sees some girls that may or may not be unfortunate looking. So to impress him he goes all "razor ramone" on them and was like SAY HELLO TO THE BAD GUY. Anyway they were confused because honestly (and I have told snugga a million times...) girls are into macho man more than Razor ramone scott hall the bad guy. So I went over there (and I do a ****ty ****ty macho man voice) and was like OHHH YEAH SNAP INTO IT! I had my ski ball tickets around my arms like tassells like macho man in starcade in 97. So anyway that is one of them says they would like to meet us for drinks later on (score I know) I though the girl had mothballs in her mouth, or was retarded, well she was actually deaf. but it turns out my doing the waving motion like the macho man means "Hey steak, want to wet up somewhere?" So we go hang on this girls but we are having problems because one girl was on the wrong side of 300 pounds (or the right side for snugga hehe) so anyway it goes ok. I tell snugga to knock it off about how many tickets he has, because ever girl knows that brett bretterson has more.

Churches should focus on charity not material goods

I hate when churches spend money on stupid **** instead of charity's and helping people The point of this is the freaking mega churches get on my nerves. I have seen indiana jones, jesus was a poor carpenter and would probably take issue with all the crap you don't need. Now I know there was verse where Judas said Hey jesus don't you think this Lotion we are putting on your feet could go to the poor? Jesus was like uhh no I will be dead soon, poor people will still be around forever, but still some of the crap in chruch makes me sick. I am going to start a new church and we are going to eat aldi's brand nila waffers and donate our money to charity's

Gilfest gasoline story

Ok gather around. This one is good. The year is 2001 I was twenty on years old. Rap Metal was still good as I was listening to DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE in my black eclipse gs. I actually decided to dust off the doritios and dress up to go to GIL fest which was my friend gilberts annual kegger. So I am looking good and I am getting gas before heading out of st joseph to Kansas City. This is where the mistake happened. I made the mistake of latching a rusted handle on the gas dealie. you know where you don't have to hold it down? It just clamps. Well as the gas started to get near full I tried to un hatch it but it didn't happen gas shoots all over my face clothes crotch. I have red hair so it just burns my entire body like a b****. I fall over trying to get to the bathroom to rinse my eyes out. I knock over some starcrunch and moonpie stand. I RUN WATER OVER MY EYES FOR 15 minutes. God I stunk like that. It was even in the crack of my ass. It felt like cigerette burns all over my body. I stunk for days. I threw my clothes away. Even though I took a shower I still reeked like gasoline at the party. Yeah I didn't get to make out with a girl that night

Clean up your floor with a swifter before you mop or else you will get dorito's taquito's and taco ban dito's in your mop

Also the stoves SELF CLEANING feature is a myth.

Hey I learned how to use my hands better HEAR THAT LADIES!

So my favorite khaki shorts I wear around the apartment and do such various things as play video games or wash off celery sticks in.....the button broke on it. So I did the undertaking of buying a needle and thread for it. So at first I just st joseph rigged it to stay on for awhile, but I realized that was not going to last. Then I googled "how to sew a button on" and i started from there. "great 10 steps... I am just going to have someone else do it" Then I looked around and was like well no one is here. Then it said to make a knot, I dithen had to google "sewing knot" All and all it looks like it is finished. It doesn't look good but it is on there tighht . I figured this story needed it's own "thread" pun intended

picture here

http://www.chiefsplanet.com/BB/attachment.php?attachmentid=85534&d=1234464948

Losing weight

It is hard to loose weight and be a sports fan. Fried mushrooms. Keystone light, days sitting on your butt all day. So I have decided to just chew food up and spit it out haha just kidding. That would be dumb especially when you can have 5 pounds of Tanners Fried Golden awesome brown Mushrooms in your stomach. And next to that you have 4 entire pints of keystone light. Awesome!

My first mcribb

first fell in love with the mcribb back in 1992. I was 10 years old Fine youn cannibles were still on the top 40 charts. A young upstart president named Bill Clinton was winning our hearts and vagina's over with is smoothness. It was that very day where my grandpa.......Grandpa Demon took me down for a treat, but back then mcdonalds wasn't on every street corner like they are today. "Demon? do you want mcdonalds?: My grandpa said softly to me while I was waking up. YAY! I yelled out. "Well hurry up and grab your shit because I am leaving" grandpa grumply said with the unmistaken smell of jack daniels on his breath. So then began the journey. The journey of wonder and excitement that was sure to end with grandpa spanking me for spilling Orange Crush soda. So we began to drive.. we drove and drove and drove so long infact we almost made it to the 3rd song on the christain radio network. As I got out of the truck my 200 pound frame almost jumped at excitement when I saw a 2 by 2 foot cardboard cd cutout of a new and exciting product. "Whats that?" I said to grandpa. "those are jews" Grandpa replied."No whats that on window?" "Well I don't know but I guess we are going to find out.As I ordered my first mcrib I began to get nervous and I could barely speak to the man taking my order.So my grandpa with love ordered for me "Sorry...he is retarded.... we will take 2 mcribbs and fry's. As the next hour flew by with wonder, amazement and a hardy ass beating" I knew that my life was changed forever. Now even today, I can take my kids to get a mcribb and talk to my theropist about those wonderful days wtih grandpa.