4 years, a reflection, as an awesome guy

4 years ago I arrived in Lenexa, not know what it is like to live on my own. I remember being freaked out by every little noise I heard. I remember learning the hard way about paying bills, getting to work every day, and learning what it is like to be a successful adult. I came down here thinking I was going to be a baller and there would be chicks all around me and it would be one big coors commercial. Well it turns out everyone is just like me, fighting for scraps, projects, and just trying to survive. I am pretty proud of what I was able to get done in four years. I stuck it out at work and it seems like things are getting better. I made good repore with my co workers, I met most of my goals, and I continue to learn more every day. I wrote some funny comedy (mostly seen on chiefs planet) and I made some songs. I look forward to really hammering out some songs coming up and practice them to where I can get in key atleast with my singing. I have had some great memories of Camping with Matt in the ozarks, with hanging in Las Vegas with V Foundation and bryce, and just doing some wild shit with everyone. I have played some open mics with drums and have won some trivia contests. Overall I am feeling proud, thanful, and positive that this summer will be the best one yet.

Aldi's superstore, where dreams come true

One of my favorite things to do is go to aldi's stockup store. For those of you who don't know it is like the game show supermarket sweep, with more people wearing sandles with sweatpants. The only thing I hate is you have to put a quarter in the cart rack to get a cart. I never have any cash and I already broke my debit card trying to shove my card in these things. So I am ususally hungry as hell, because I am too tired, hungover, horny to actually plan for a meal, so I just wait until I am eating the last saltine off the floor before going there. It is always a big cluster F though because I am so hungry and I try to fit everything in my hands before I get to the counter. Then there is the race with the old person with 2222 pounds of catfood. I must beat her at all times. So what ususally happens is I make a decision, It is like when you have to choose what kid gets thrown overboard and what kid lives. Do I keep the generic funyons, or beef jerkey, do I need shampoo this weekend or can I steal hand sanitizer. What ususally happens is the cat woman makes a dash to the counter and I ususally just start dropping shit leaving a trail of Cheese Rounds, Canned tuna, and poptown microwave popcorn. Ahhh but I beat the catwoman. 12 pack of GT cola and Imitation Funyons (fun onions of fun.inc) it is for dinner!

snugga ski ball 02/12/09

So Snugga and I were playing skiball yesterday, god we love ski ball. He sees some girls that may or may not be unfortunate looking. So to impress him he goes all "razor ramone" on them and was like SAY HELLO TO THE BAD GUY. Anyway they were confused because honestly (and I have told snugga a million times...) girls are into macho man more than Razor ramone scott hall the bad guy. So I went over there (and I do a ****ty ****ty macho man voice) and was like OHHH YEAH SNAP INTO IT! I had my ski ball tickets around my arms like tassells like macho man in starcade in 97. So anyway that is one of them says they would like to meet us for drinks later on (score I know) I though the girl had mothballs in her mouth, or was retarded, well she was actually deaf. but it turns out my doing the waving motion like the macho man means "Hey steak, want to wet up somewhere?" So we go hang on this girls but we are having problems because one girl was on the wrong side of 300 pounds (or the right side for snugga hehe) so anyway it goes ok. I tell snugga to knock it off about how many tickets he has, because ever girl knows that brett bretterson has more.

Churches should focus on charity not material goods

I hate when churches spend money on stupid **** instead of charity's and helping people The point of this is the freaking mega churches get on my nerves. I have seen indiana jones, jesus was a poor carpenter and would probably take issue with all the crap you don't need. Now I know there was verse where Judas said Hey jesus don't you think this Lotion we are putting on your feet could go to the poor? Jesus was like uhh no I will be dead soon, poor people will still be around forever, but still some of the crap in chruch makes me sick. I am going to start a new church and we are going to eat aldi's brand nila waffers and donate our money to charity's

Gilfest gasoline story

Ok gather around. This one is good. The year is 2001 I was twenty on years old. Rap Metal was still good as I was listening to DID IT ALL FOR THE NOOKIE in my black eclipse gs. I actually decided to dust off the doritios and dress up to go to GIL fest which was my friend gilberts annual kegger. So I am looking good and I am getting gas before heading out of st joseph to Kansas City. This is where the mistake happened. I made the mistake of latching a rusted handle on the gas dealie. you know where you don't have to hold it down? It just clamps. Well as the gas started to get near full I tried to un hatch it but it didn't happen gas shoots all over my face clothes crotch. I have red hair so it just burns my entire body like a b****. I fall over trying to get to the bathroom to rinse my eyes out. I knock over some starcrunch and moonpie stand. I RUN WATER OVER MY EYES FOR 15 minutes. God I stunk like that. It was even in the crack of my ass. It felt like cigerette burns all over my body. I stunk for days. I threw my clothes away. Even though I took a shower I still reeked like gasoline at the party. Yeah I didn't get to make out with a girl that night

Clean up your floor with a swifter before you mop or else you will get dorito's taquito's and taco ban dito's in your mop

Also the stoves SELF CLEANING feature is a myth.

Hey I learned how to use my hands better HEAR THAT LADIES!

So my favorite khaki shorts I wear around the apartment and do such various things as play video games or wash off celery sticks in.....the button broke on it. So I did the undertaking of buying a needle and thread for it. So at first I just st joseph rigged it to stay on for awhile, but I realized that was not going to last. Then I googled "how to sew a button on" and i started from there. "great 10 steps... I am just going to have someone else do it" Then I looked around and was like well no one is here. Then it said to make a knot, I dithen had to google "sewing knot" All and all it looks like it is finished. It doesn't look good but it is on there tighht . I figured this story needed it's own "thread" pun intended

picture here

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