Whew

I have been dieting and working out. It has been tough. I was at 199 and went to 240 and I don't know where I am at but I am sacrificing to get down again. I am awesome, but it will take awhile to get my weight straight again. That is where I am at. I had a great time with Karena this weekend. I wish that everyday was like that. Life is about work and hustle and everyday can't be great. Hustle and grind all day everday!

The Weekend

The Chiefs wrapped up their average season with a win over the Chargers. The Chargers were sneaking crappy as well. The chiefs especially Andy Reid and Alex Smith were not impressive at all. On Saturday I went out with some people from Chiefs planet. It was very fun. Then I went out with Karena. She is a person I used to hang out with at my insurance job. It was fun for a very long time. I felt good for along stretch of time. I am glad I stayed out of jail over christmas to enjoy hanging out with fun people. Sunday I went to an AA meeting. I have been texting people from AA as of late just to keep in touch.

Boxing day

I was able to stay out of trouble on Christmas. Out of jail with that I was able to wake up and enjoy some Manchester United. Staying out of jail means I can enjoy more money. I think DUI's or being arrested in general costs like 10,000 so just staying out of jail is important to save money.

Christmas

Christmas was very good. I woke up and opened presents. My dad gave me money to gamble. I got a gift card from an aunt. I hung out with my mom. Food was good. I watched some "The Wire' with my dad. I stayed sober and out of jail which is nice.
I walked 3 miles. I think Ben, Sheree, Mom and dad all had a good christmas.

I was able to give my mom some money and my family the gift of being there.

Christmas

Today I woke up with some anxiety. I had a busy day. I worked out and went to an AA meeting. I went for a 2 mile walk outside it was very cold. I texted matt and some other people. I called my mom. She was going to church. I felt busy and pretty good most of the day. Merry Christmas. The secret to life is to put a smile on someone elses face.

Monday

Monday I got to work and I was able to finally set up my 401k. I couldn't get it done for whatever reason for a year. Probably cost me millions of dollars. I am putting in the full seven percent so I can retire with a couple years of good living under my belt. Come on compound interest. Do your thang!

JT's cancer

my friend Johnny T his cancer got better and he is even growing his hair back. Small Victories.

Monday

Monday morning I got up at 8 am and went to an AA meeting at Perkins. I have been a bit lonely and just bored as of late. I know the quickest way to ruin any kind of success I have had is to drink, spend money I don't have, or not grow. I met Bruce there and some other people. I talked and shared my experience about the topic. The topic is knowing when you are doing enough or if you are being lazy. There is a fine line between doing all you can and being complacent. It helped me a bit and I met new people. I came home and I watched some Elliot Hulse videos. Elliot Hulse videos really give me a shot in the arm today. He uses his body and mind to heal the way I always wanted too. I know that walking and exercise are great medicine. Laughter is as well. So I am going to work today with a bit of a bounce in my step. I will be patient and work to get better every day. The other day I was extremely knowledgeable and patient with one of our bigger customers. I was proud that I put in long hours to know our product and I put in long hours to drop my ego that I wasn't going to fight with this person. I know I have to work with people for our business to be successful. I also now that businesses have to ride employees hard to be successful. Sometimes I want to push back because businesses demand so much, but if you want the businesses to stay open and be profitable you have to work hard. It is the grind and I appreciate working for an insurance company that grinded to stay profitable just like I appreciate a marketing place that I work for now that grinds hard to stay open.

The Weekend

The weekend was weird. Friday I got off work and I had a date. I made out with this lady and then she never got back to me. It was fun anyway. Just something really random. I thought it went well, but evidently she had buyers remorse the next day LOL. I had a decent day on Saturday. I worked. I was very patient at work even though I was a bit stressed out. Sunday I went to two AA meetings and stayed sober. Sunday night I was really lonely and I went to an AA meeting to talk about it. Plenty of action to take when I am lonely. Plenty of people are in jail and that is a lonelier and boring place than AA. So overall I had a decent weekend. I still have aweful anxiety at around 3 PM each day, today I went to the gym and I just did my best to get through it. This too shall pass like everything else. I am grateful for AA I can go there and talk about my problems and have actual solutions to my problems. LIKE HELPING PEOPLE. I am grateful for my apartment and black dog. I am grateful for the gym membership and friends. Good Night.

Random

I had a friend named Mark. An older person tell me today that I was doing good. It made me feel good. I have been thinking about life more like sports lately. I have to go to AA and listen to my coaches and play the game right, then I have to teach the younger people the life skills. While I am teaching I get more in-depth at the way I act. I want to work out, save money, give back, be patient, be respectful all that stuff that comes with playing the game of life well. I was able to work out a bit more today. I listened to the Urge, Guns and Roses, and some Skrillex. It got me pumped and it was one of the better workouts I have had. Andrea is on a social dating site that I am on. She has really cleaned up and she is skinny and her face looks good. She looks sober so that is good. Good job for her staying sober and looking good. That really made me happy because she can have some good ass stuff in her life if she creates some confidence for herself. Confidence is something you can't fake. You have to go through some stuff and not numb it with alcohol or other things. I went to two AA meetings today and I worked out so I really feel good today. I want to become 1 percent happier each day. I have a list of things to be happy and I will reflect on those first thing in the morning tomorrow.

The Drive back

I went on vacation with my mom. It was very nice. The Hotel was lavish. The games were expensive to play at the casino, but a nice place like that needs lots of money. The drive was good. There were important parts of Laggies that rang true to me. Yesterday I went to work and I hit all my numbers for the night. We were busy, but I stuck it out. I was listening to the Art of Charm podcast. I texted Snatch and we chatted a bit about IRAS. I am not comfortable in starting an IRA right now, but if I can get my dollars right by the new year I will. I thought I showed some progress because I don't make money like snatch but I can at-least have an idea or plan about saving money. I spent some money on the vacation, but my mom payed for most of it. It was fun and I hope to do it again. Driving back I was TIRED, it was a feeling I haven't felt for awhile because I haven't gone on many road trips. I met two people an Engineer and Kelly while on vacation, the Engineer made an impression because we talked about Tony Robbins. Kelly was just a nice go getter who worked for Aldi.

Vacation

My vacation was good. It didn't snow. I didn't win anything gambling but I had a good time. I went swimming and I went to the movies. All the meals were good. I was glad to make sure I did something other than press a button that makes you lose. I spent quality time with mom and we had some laughs. All the meals were good. I even made a couple videos and listened to an AA speaker tape. I am grateful to come home tomorrow and not be hungover. I used to be so sick coming home from float trips and vegas. I met some interesting people up here and I would rate the trip as an A+ I am grateful my mom took care of me when I was young so now I can enjoy wings!

Saturday progress

I feel like I have made good progress when a girl cancelled on me on my birthday to not take me out. I am getting to be a grizzled old man I didn't even think about it. I also had fun at black dog the same night. I had fun watching UFC and KU with my dad this weekend. His T.V. and couches are awesome for long sports watching sessions. Thank God for his couches and T.V. I needed some sports. I made progress as well that christmas doesn't really annoy me anymore. I really used to get mad at the annoying songs, people, and spending money. I know we are all apart of God's universe and it's all good.

The weekend

I have been playing lots of ps4. I am not getting better at advanced warfare but I have been putting time into it. I went home to St. Joseph on Friday and my mom took me out to eat. What a life do I have when I can just hang out with people are get fed. My parents have nice couches and T.V. I love to enjoy watching Soccer.

Happy Birthday to me

Today I met up with Raymond. We talked about not limiting God. God is awesome and I am awesome for staying alive 34 years. I went to the library today. I played ps4 with Jason in different rooms. It was pretty Rad. I went for a couple walks at the gym. There is this arm machine that I really like.

Sporting KC made a bunch of moves. As long as Besler Zusi and Dwyer is around that is all that matters.

The Royals signed Kendry Moralas. He sucks and he only DH's. Bad Dayton Moore BAD!

Putting down stuff in my mp3

I was putting some notes in my MP3 player. I was finding myself being thankful for some rejections from girls and jobs over the years. It forced me to find and seek joy within myself instead of looking towards outside sources to be happy. I don't know if there is a heaven or not but the people who think there is a heaven have a greater sense of joy in the moment. Believing in a heaven in the afterlife also helps you give more and be less selfish with also helps with deep level self-confidence. I gave some more money towards AA today and towards the salvation army because I really am stating to think about being Judged by God. I know that I try to be a good son and a good brother. I can always get better at giving money and things to other people. That also helps with me feeling good which in turns helps with my diet and helps me be happy to work out.

Monday

Monday I woke up pretty happy about the weekend. I saw my NHL 2014 and FIFA 2014 video games and I knew that was going to make me happy. At noon I went to an AA meeting. There are people coming to AA after binge drinking over Thanksgiving and getting DUI's I am happy that I don't have a DUI to deal with this Holiday season. I went shopping at Hy-Vee. I gave some money to the salvation army. I talked to my friend Kurtis and we talked about how much we have grown as people. We are no longer afraid to work hard and to grow as people. I take happiness and joy out of growing as a person. I am happy to always grow in patience and to grown in empathy in others. I have that all the time in my mind. Think about what it is like in another persons shoes. That gives me great joy and gratitude that I live in America and that I have nachos to eat. Hopefully Andrea is doing well. I know she was growing and I hope she grows in a different path into the light of GOD! Also she needs to find someone who isn't catholic and doesn't barf while boating. I saw Bryce yesterday. He seemed happy and he took my birthday shot!

Sunday

The Chiefs blew what should be a win. My parents came down for my birthday. I got NHL and FIFA for my birthday. I am currently enjoying playing both of those. I put in lots of work at work. My boss wanted me to write a resume for this position and I also was named assistant captain. That means I just send out e-mails. It is important for my team to understand that the customers pay for our jobs. Be nice empathize and let them vent. You have to let people vent around you. You may as well be the only one in their day with a chance to heal not to hurt. I am grateful for being sober. I was able to save some money and pay for my taxes on my jeep. My jeep is awesome and Bryce has one just like it. My mom and Sheree got to hold Bryces baby. He loved it! I was nervous my parents were going to drop him but it all turned out o.k.

Thursday

Thursday I visited Raymond. Our friend Richard is drinking again. Booze is such a beast and so powerful that people can't stay off of it. Raymond is doing good. Andrea hasn't contacted me in a week which is very good. I don't know how long it will take for the Self-confidence to come over her but if she just tries to think like her sponsor does and does AA work hard she will have awesome benefits. I want her to have a man that naturally likes to work on houses and impregnant chickens and go on boat rides without being sick. Work has been alot for me lately. I wonder how people in relationships do christmas because I have been going to work and sleeping and going to work. Not doing much in between.

Wednesday

Tuesday was pretty rough. I have been stressed out by the Holidays and I seem to be working everyday. I made it through because that is what type of a guy I am. Today was weird because my friend Kristen (Red) moved into town and she mentioned meeting up. Red has a great sense of humor and watches the same shows as me. She is dating a guy and is totally freaking out how serious it has gotten so fast. We went to black dog and I had some laughs. I met Red out one night hitting on girls at Harpos. I hit on every girl possible back then and I was blessed to have a friend that makes me laugh like Red. EAGLE BOOST.

Sunday Night And Monday

Sunday night Adam, Jason, and Sarah and I watched the football game. The Chiefs were bad. It was o.k. I played some fifa and went to bed. Monday I woke up and deposited the chiefs for rent this month. Jason and I made it a year together! What a year it has been as well! I was feeling a bit salty today, but then I remembered at-least I have heat. My fantasy team is playing well. I didn't get a DUI over thanksgiving break. I am not hungover today. I didn't feel very well physically but I try to think about things that are positive or at-least things that I can control.