10/31/2016

Today I woke up and didn't feel the greatest. I know any jerk can do well and do good work when they feel perfect. If I only worked and went to AA when I felt good I would be a poor drunk guy. So I keep pushing and keep moving forward to go to AA meetings, to get out of the house and get coffee, and to go to work and do the best that I can. I have an appointment with a nurse this week and maybe they can adjust my meds because with it getting dark and crappy out I tend to be a bit blue. I am going to work my tail off to hone my craft of driving a forklift today and try to do my best to get my paper work on point. Yesterday I went down to black dog. I sure miss lenexa, but I can always go down there and visit!

10/28/2016

I got two piece lists done at work with 11 batches. I need to stack boxes then L0041 on top. My batches looked like crap but they stayed on the ground so I think they will be o.k. Sporting KC lost and they have sucked in all competitions this year.

10/26/2016

Today I went down and visited Raymond. Making time with ones sponsor is important to stay sober. I went to work. We had a meeting. I only got 2 piece lists done which sucks.

10/24/2016

This weekend was pretty fun. On Friday I went for a giant walk. I also went out to eat at San Jose steakhouse. It was very good. The billboard looks like a b-2 stealth bomber. Saturday I bowled in a tournament. I tried very hard and when I was mentally tired I tried my best to focus. I didn't win but I showed up on time, I didn't quit, and I finished as hard as possible. I like the paradox and will continue to bowl with that in the future. Yesterday at work I did 10 batches. They were for cell 3 which can be nasty. There was batches all over the aisle so I will probably get in trouble today for building and storing too many batches in the aisle.

10/12/2016

What I did yesterday? I went to work. When I got tired and got all blah I tried to turn it up a notch. I know that when I am tired and when I don't feel like crushing it, that is when it is necessary to push through and kick it up a notch. Everyone is tired. Everyone is scared. It is who can push past all that to get to higher levels. I helped Landis at work at the end shift. That made me feel good because he thanked me.

I walked 2.28 miles today burned 243.1 calories for 42.06 minutes. I need to work up my calories burned. If I am working out for 42 minutes I should be working harder and burning more calories.

10/19/2016

I went down to Raymond's and helped him move things. I went to work. I won a small award for going above and beyond. That is all

Good Morning

I felt ambitious before work today. I went to an AA meeting. I was my car. I vacuumed and I made my bed. Lots of people think I am lazy. Well it is the depression that zaps me energy. I know and I can relate clean to feeling good. I want to clean more because it feels good, but depression sometimes zaps my energy. I also exchanged numbers with a person in AA it is important to help others or if another person can listen to me it makes me feel god and it helps make it one day at a time being sober.

10/18/2016

777777777777777I woke up and I was in a cranky mood. I went to the gym. I had this burning in my neck and back. I was pissed and then my pissed made my neck and back hurt more. I went to an AA meeting and that was o.k. People have it rougher than me. I thank God that I am in a pretty good situation. I went to work. I am not good at my job but I am still grinding and trying to find out how to get quicker and more effective. I have to give whats left of my batches to Shane earlier. Sometimes our teams communication sucks because we all are human and have bad days. Damn this cat is annoying me right now. I SEE YOU YOU ARE A CAT NOW GET DOWN. O.K. so work was o.k. no impacts or anything. My mood was bad but it could always be worse and no matter what my mood I have to go to AA meetings, Have to get to work, and have to help others

10/17/2016

This weekend was filled with fun. I watched Mo west get killed and I watched Nascar. Nascar was fun as usual. The Chiefs got a big win. It is truly a Red Monday. I woke up Monday in a bit of a bad mood but I took the dog for a drive, I went to an AA meeting, and I went to planet fitness. Successful people do positive stuff even when they don't feel like it. I was pretty grateful for this weekend. I worked hard all summer to save some vacation days and it was nice to sit back and enjoy them.

10/14/2016

Yesterday was tough. First part of the day I went down to visit my sponsor Raymond. It is important to keep your life and your recovery on track. That went good. I drove back and went to work. One of the bosses a bit above me wanted the second shift to try something different. I was upset, but just got to work. Later in the night I lost my phone somewhere, it made working tough because I was distracted. I went back to work because that is me. Always on the grind, always looking for opportunistic ways to get better. Get faster more efficient. Cultivate the skill of self-discipline. I made it through work. I need to do a better job of looking at my run list and paying attention to where I got things because the computer sometimes skips around, but the materials are the same. So the batch comes out good, but where things go back could be different. We were using all the material up anyways at the two locations so it didn't matter. There is a guy I work with that worked at a different warehouse for 10 years. His skills are awesome. I was jealous, but I have only been in warehouse/forklift conditions for 7 months. I found my phone and I came home and that was that.

10/12/2016

Today I broke some new ground. My memory and my attention span has been bad all my life. I am trying to see if I have adhd or something else. I always get told that I am smart, but I suck at school, work, relationships, cleaning. People think I am lazy, it isn't that I am lazy I get distracted and I use up all my energy trying to stay focused at work. Work was o.k. We had a major issue with some new materials. I got hosed but that is what happens. I calmly kept grinding and chopping wood. I was able to set up a meeting between a dude and my dad to buy nascar tickets. YES NASCAR VROOM this weekend.

Investing

Well I strive not to be the guy who stands around talking crap then does nothing about it. I took all my knowledge I have right now and invested in an Ally C.D. I didn't have a thousand dollars that Snatcherguesa wanted me to invest. I feel weird, but that is o.k. I need to try different things and keep moving forward. I was able to make my car payment, I was able to make my credit card payment as well. I probably should have been more worried about paying my credit card off, but my gut instinct is telling me to build and craft the skill of investing now and get that ball rolling.

10/09/2016

This weekend saw various growth of mine. I read some of the Intelligent Investor. I did that as much as I could. I learned a bit bowling. Need to slow my ball speed down and let the ball do the work. Sunday I went to the AA picnic and I felt pretty good around people. I threw some corn hole bags. I then came home and lifted. I worked out my chest biceps and calves. I even used a spotter which is really getting after it. I then came home and made myself a shake. My legs are sore from the last squat session. Monday will be sqauts and triceps. I read a bit more on Sunday. Right now my brain is fried so I don't know exactly what I read. I did play Forza 4 and the Puegot was a car that I hate but I have to use it against the big boys like super cars. I played like 15 minutes of elder scrolls and 2 session of War Thunder. So not too much progress in my video game playing other than a nice gaming session with forza 4.

10/07/2016

Thursday I woke up and went to Sobriety and beyond. They needed someone to help with the public information chair. Basically you get voted a P.I. chair and you deliver pamphlets to places. I didn't get voted in but I asked to help because I have done it in the past in K.C. and I have some knowledge of how it works. A couple notes. It is really hard to devote just an hour to things like this a week. I know self-discipline and self sacrifice are good things. I especially kind of have knowledge of how to come up with ideas, how to cultivate ideas, how to journal and really take notes of what we got accomplished what we have to set out to do and have a time table. Every time I do something for A.A. it has a time constraint on it and you have to really come through with what you say you are going to do. I have learned over the years to be strong and tough and if I am not 100% sure I can come through in situations I just flat out tell people I can't do that because I am lazy or it is too difficult. Nothing wrong with that at all. It is called cultivation of boundary setting. Work went alright today. I totally suck at moving pallets around in small spaces. It takes all my focus not to crash into things. I did a good job looking at my runs and breaking apart my materials and that part went good. I just did a bad job trying to get into tight spaces, getting pallets down, loading and doing all that quickly. I also always need to work on building batches tighter and well fitting and building them faster. Repetition without the idea of getting better is stupid. I played a bit of Forza 4 today. I am looking foward to getting my logitech g29 wheel and maybe the setup around it and maybe even the shifter. Who knows. I tend to go overboard and spoil myself that is for sure. I played some farming simulator today as well. I just like harvesting crops even though it doesn't provide much progress to the game.

10/06/16

Today was Wednesday which means I drive down to see my sponsor Raymond. Basically I tell him all the thoughts and emotions that I am going through and we plan out how we can handle them so I don't resort to using drugs or alcohol to handle situations. Things have been going better as of late. I hope I can get some other mental health issues squared away. I am going to see if I have A.D.D. because all of my life I have struggled with focus. I often test high on intelligent tests, but I suck at grades and work. One thing leads to another so that is good. It was like first someone told me I have a drinking problem so I fix that, then I have an anxiety problem go on lexipro and some other sort of medicine then that doesn't work, get put on latuva, that sucked and was expensive. So then I get put on something in the middle along with depakote. Long story short my sleep is better these days. I used to wake up with high anxiety, I would drive to the gym with high anxiety, I would work out for a bit. Then I would crash. Up and down up and down. It wasn't pleasant. So it seems like things are getting better. I have made small strides at work. I can now effectively move pallets from the side. I need to work on looking through my run list and breaking up the starches while looking at lot numbers. Spacing them accordingly. I was able to lift a bit today. Hopefully I can get back to lifting at Planet fitness and in the garage. When it is a billion degrees at work I don't have the energy to get off work and lift more.

Tuesday

I woke up today and I wanted t get my dad'smoney's worth out of his planet fitness membership.I went out and I introduced myself to a girl named Katrina. I said my name is Raphael like the ninja turtle and she said my name is Katrina like the hurricane. It was pretty funny. I listened to bad religion and worked on the pull up machine. It was a good experience. Everytime I workout I try to gather knowledge and try to tweak the workout to have a better experience. At noon I went to an AA meeting. It was alright. I have t go to work earily today to have my health screening. I am worried that my blood pressure will be high and they won't give me my discount. But like many things in life it is out of my control. I have been doing better at work with focusing on tasks although I am still pretty slow. I am constantly playing show me cash. I have a feeling I might win. It may be a misguided emotion. But I am goin to follow it for now.

10/04/16

I didn't get much done at work today. That is a bummer. Stuff was in weird places. I was feeling frisky and entered our biggest loser challenge at work. It is 5 dollars and I think that it is cool that I am at-least signed up for it. I have a health screening tomorrow at 2:40 PM that should be fun. I got to watch Monday Night Football. I watched some of the replay of the Friday night dirt racing as well. Good times.

Bowling

We lost 3 games and won 1 game this week. My old baseball Josh beat the crap out of us. I really bowled bad and I need to slow down and when I play side to side I get wonky. When I played straight up I did better.