(Saints wrapup 08/26/10) Birds wrapped in bacon

To be a true pimp or leader, you have to do things out of the social norm. So I went out yesterday to Saints. There was this dude who looked like a cross between ZZ TOP and a truck driver. He was just a truck driver. Everyone was looking at him because he looked like he belonged at Hammerheads bar in st joe, not trendy Saints. I knew the dude was a good ole boy and I sat at his table chatted. You could tell that people were now like, oh this dude is friends with him he must not be a crazy ass truck driver. So I kept being my self, just saying crazy shit to people. "Hey nice skirt! What is that called?" (There is a skirt called a jersey skirt, which looks like a girl is wearing a trashbag) Anyway the way to Maximize my value was to be with a dude who obviously didn't belong. His name was Jim and from what I learned about him, he liked to blast birds out of the sky, then give thanks to the lord for letting the birds get blasted, then he liked to wrap the birds in bacon and eat the birds. Now I don't care if you wear a popped collar and affliction shirts, or you a trendy hipster, you are going to love a bird wrapped in bacon, it is a scientific fact that birds wrapped in bacon = awesome. That is actually a good name for a band.
Birds wrapped in bacon

Changing State (moose sounds)

Your feeling on, the world is your funyon, shit is going well, then it goes to hell in a handbasket. Or you just feel like trash, out of place, nothing feels right. Here is the deal...you probably are just trying something new, or you are out of state. Now the masters of inner game (Anthony Robbins and Raphael Demonpenz Miller) all agree. You have to change your stage. To quickly do this, cuss real loud, clap, or do something crazy. You might look like an idiot to other people, but other people have nothing to do with your goals for life. When I am feeling out of state I ususally put Moose Horns on my head and make a Loud moose mating call to get me out of my head. It gives me a good chuckle (no one is funnier to me..than me) it gets me to stop caring what other people think. My number goal is to be the biggest pimp of all time, and I am not talking about making out with a bunch of chicks...Ok it does involve making out with a bunch of chicks. I want rappers to pour bags of funyons on strippers, and wear chains made of the awesome snack Bugles. That is when you know I have made it to #1 pimp status

Ray's self titled cd

If I made a album it would probably be a rock/emo. type of album.... So I give you the sneak peak of the upcoming songs to "The Rocktapus is born"

1. The Pregnant game is a game of inches
2. The love tap (move your face dance remix)
3. Santa doesn't come to your house if you have 238 in your number
4. Can't pay the rent and I blame Street Fighter 2
5. Sexually pleasing the olsen twins (you got it dude!)
6. Latino's don't steal (much) ft. Santana
7. Going broke saving money.
8. Making more money now than when I was workin
9. Farmers love dem ho's...but I don't
10. Asking permission is harder than than appolgizing
but my Love is harder than both of those and by Love
I mean my penis (The extended version.

Bonus track Humpty dance w/vinnie

The Virus Of saying "sorry"

There is a virus spreading..... queue scary music. It isn't some sweet ass kicking virus that eats your solar Plexes or something awesome like that either. It also isn't a sweet movie involving Jamie lee Curtis (All three of that broads names are MALE names) ((AND I WOULD STILL THROW A BONE IN HER!) Ok this all startd when I went to subway a couple weeks ago. This dude kept on saying he is sorry because my sandwhich was too messy. I finally said dude, it's ok, I understand my sandwhich is going to be messy because I ordered triple everything Bacon, Cheese, ham, meatballs, Zebracakes, oreo's, (but hold the pickles thanks!) I realized right then people say they are sorry for everything. BE A MAN FOR AND ONLY SAY YOU ARE SORRY FOR THINGS YOU ARE SORRY FOR. Like falling down vinnies steps and spilling Jim Beam everywhere, and Voting for Obama. Those things yu can truely feel sorry for. YOU KNOW WHAT? THE VALUE IN YOUR "SORRY" IS MAXIMIZED if you use it less. Just like the Value in saying "I LOVE YOU" to a woman should only be used as currency to attain MAX VALUE. (like before intercourse and recieving breakfest handies at perkins.)

What Women want?

Who cares? I man has to be on his path to awesomeness, so when girls are like "Oh Ray you should...I just pull out a construction sign that says "Caution! Awesome at play" Then I go back to constructing Awesome like 300 k-dot workers high on Meth. Then when I stack 7 shades of awesome on top of each other I tip it over creating a avalanche of awesome. Some people try to skii on MT. AWESOME, but I would advice against it. Although you do get a special rate being the offseason of awesome, you don't get the full amount of awesome.

Alright...here is your Manual just don't kill us!

When you are going over to talk to a bunch of girls, or you are going on stage for being funny. This is a perfect story that tells what your brain does (I heard it somewhere else but it is so true it is funny). Your brain already has the manual of how to communicate with girls, be funny, or learn or whatever, you just have to go do it before it unlocks that ability. Sooo in your mind it is like two dudes just going to the airport. The first guy is like lets get in a plane! Second guy is like why the F would we do that, we are sitting here in the cafe at the airport! So they go out to the plane. The first guy is like I am flying this son of a bitch, I don't care if you like it or not! The second guy says No you aren't not without the flying manual. The second dude is wearing some suspenders or something stupid. He is a dork and won't give the first guy the plane manuel So The first guy is like well whatever we are flying this bitch right now! They take off and the second guy wets his pants (possibly shitting them) then he finally says "Here is your stupid flying manual just don't get us killed"

so you see this lesson can be applyed to anything, public speaking, taking off a bra, whatever your heart desires. Your brain often has the Manual already in your head) On a side note I keep typing Manuel... which is a good name for someone who speaks spanish.

Natural Pecking Order (and how it's not bad!)

Ok no matter how hard I try, Vinnie is going to be higher on the pecking order. This is a good thing, it's like nature or something, we show up somewhere I turn to him to see what the hell he is going to do, so I get a sense of how the envirement is going to react. So I used to get all OH MAN I AM GOING TO SHOW UP AND KICK EVERYONE FACE WITH MY AWESOMENESS. Now I figure I can calibrate to what he does. Just like an alpha Male dog will eat a hot dog first to make sure the hot dog is safe for the group o eat, Vinnie will eat the delicious meat. He does get the large part of the meat, but there is that chance that the hot dog fell on the floor at Wileys. So with that I will say that whenever writes a blog I must Write a blog too. He just makes me better.

08/10/10 Randoms

I am starting to watch LOST. the hit show about people who are lost. Episode 1 season 1. A plane crashed. There is some talking.


I like to reframe my life to make sure I get maximum amount of enjoyment. Instead of Gawsh I have 2 hours left in the work day. I am like 2 more hour of being in my twenties woooo hooo

Strict rules

My sister wants me to go to Worlds of fun, but everyone should know my rule about amusement parks by now. I require written documentation of a Saftey inspected Tilt-a-whirl on the premises with less than a 13 minunte wait...and that is just to get your foot in the door with me.

Saturday 08/07/10

The guy fixing my water heater just walked in while I was watching "bring it on" and I wasn't even embarrassed

Tuesday harpos

I went out for a search for adventure on tuesday to westport. I like westport just to hang out, I first used the bathroom at Mr. GoodCents, and I could tell it was already getting crazy up in the westport WHAT WHAT>!>!>!>! I went to quarter draws with some friends, it was good time. The waitress spilled beer on me. Without missing a beat I asked for a comment card...she was like "why do you need a comment card?" I told her "So I can SUGGEST to management that the waitresses should Not spill beer on me" She laughed in a laughing manner and walked away. Some blond girl sat next to me that was p hot. probably a 7.5 on the Ray scale. She busted my balls right away. I asked her if there were any other bars around "I ment to say cool bars" She said "No there aren't any bars....at all" we laughed and were joyous. I got her number but she didn't call me back. That shit happens when you are in the game. Alot of girls are in the game for the same reason I am. Hustle. Everyday is hustlin'

Bowling League VS Stand Up comedy

Bowling League - bunch of drunk guys, some girls having fun.
Stand Up comedy - bunch of drunk guys 1 girl having somewhat fun

Bowling League - Annoying it's once a week make yourself go
Stand Up comedy -Annoying its once a week make yourself go

Bowling League -People say "Ray you are pretty good, you should go pro!"
Stand up comedy- People say "Ray you are prety good, you should go Pro!

Bowling League - semi fun hobby
Stand Up comedy- semi fun hobby.

Bowling league - worst moment....guttering when I needed 1 pin to win
Stand up comedy people telling me "hey pretty good for your first time!" when I am a 6 month vet of the grind.

Just bought a chair from work.

I just bought a chair from work that was 10 dollars. It is in pretty good shape. I am tired of rolling this sumbitch. So I just sat down and scooted my way to the parking lot. If it was a ride at the leblond carnival it would have cost atleast 3 tickets. Or 10 pancakes at the pancake stand.

learning how to quckly make out with chicks

Learning NLP. So today's NLP lesson, I learned you can make someone think about something by telling them not to think about something. Like when I say. "Hey....Quit Having a huge crush on me, I am takin'...when I say that to a girl, they have to think about having a crush on me first, then they think about me being taken and how they can't have me. Next thing you know we are making out in the back of my lancer!

Ducks in a row

I have never heard the phrase "getting your ducks in a row" So when a caller from Springfield Missouri says. "Hey I will get back to you once I get my ducks in a row" I just think he is a farmer that would like his Duck Organized.