Pention

my old job wants me to take a pay out for my retirement (Not my 401K) I guess what I will do with it is just take it when I am retired. I will have to pray on it though I am sure that it is o.k. to wait until retirement to take my 200 bucks a month, but I need to run it through God first. I met with Raymond today. We talked about regular stuff. One of my friends is in horrible shape. He is in late stage alcoholism and he has scrapes all over his body like his body isn't healthy enough to heal. I will pray for him tonight, but I know that is rough on his family to look at that. Even through all that he said that he drank beers until he felt good watching the Royals game. Like Raymond said he is Living Dying proof of what Alcoholism does. I had some issues with Nyquil the other day. I felt like death last week and Nyquil and ibuprofin got me through the night. I felt a bit guilty as it does have alcohol in it. Raymond said he just wants me to call him if I take something like that. I didn't feel to guilty because I was in awful shape last week and was begging for something to knock me out or kill me. I threw the Nyquil out and we joked about it. "You and jason didn't drink little cups of nyquil did you?" I was like oh you know it. We cranked up some Pink Floyd and got crunk off the Green Stuff. Overall I don't want to party anymore, and the fact I go to AA meetings, meet with Raymond, and I take my days one day at a time have really provided me peace in my life. I recieved a bill from my first doctor appointment on May 2nd, but my Health Savings fund should have paid for it. So I am going to call them to see what the deal is. I have two more bills coming for a doctor visit and a throat swab. I am #1 at work still, but I am not meeting one goal (Complience) so I doubt I bonus this Month. I started to get sad, but then I realized that I still get paid a paycheck. The real game is not getting down on yourself. You are never as good as you are and you are never bad as you are. I try never to let myself get down because I have Hot Showers, Food, a roof over my head, Jason, Byrd, Elder Statesman, my parents, Raymond, Andrea, My sister, I have lots of people who I love and who love me. I can't get too down because I am not 250 pounds anymore and I see people out there struggling with their weight and I know that I am able to get around better not being that heavy. I don't sit there and weeze trying to wolf down a bag of funyons.

Here are my things to pray for today.

God please help or give peace to the following issues.

Andrea's aunt having surgery on her brain.
What I should do with my pension plan.
I pray that I meet my goals at work.
My friend dying from alcoholism.
The United States and a safe World Cup.
Byrds child.

Andrea seems to be doing better. She seemed to be in a good mood last time I talked to her. She is out in the world mixing it up without alcohol. That is a rough mental change and it is hard to change your thinking. People often ask "Why don't you do this or this is the way you should be feeling" for me it doesn't work that way. I see that I am #1 at work and I don't feel good, I feel fear of dropping down or the fear of not lasting. The way I handle it is I acknowledge my fears and then for myself to think about just enjoying the ride. I also think about how lucky I am to have hot showers, hot meals, workout equipment, apartment, pool, tennis, nice tv, phone, jeep, parents, sister, nephew, etc. Attitude of Gratitude.