Whew

I have been dieting and working out. It has been tough. I was at 199 and went to 240 and I don't know where I am at but I am sacrificing to get down again. I am awesome, but it will take awhile to get my weight straight again. That is where I am at. I had a great time with Karena this weekend. I wish that everyday was like that. Life is about work and hustle and everyday can't be great. Hustle and grind all day everday!

The Weekend

The Chiefs wrapped up their average season with a win over the Chargers. The Chargers were sneaking crappy as well. The chiefs especially Andy Reid and Alex Smith were not impressive at all. On Saturday I went out with some people from Chiefs planet. It was very fun. Then I went out with Karena. She is a person I used to hang out with at my insurance job. It was fun for a very long time. I felt good for along stretch of time. I am glad I stayed out of jail over christmas to enjoy hanging out with fun people. Sunday I went to an AA meeting. I have been texting people from AA as of late just to keep in touch.

Boxing day

I was able to stay out of trouble on Christmas. Out of jail with that I was able to wake up and enjoy some Manchester United. Staying out of jail means I can enjoy more money. I think DUI's or being arrested in general costs like 10,000 so just staying out of jail is important to save money.

Christmas

Christmas was very good. I woke up and opened presents. My dad gave me money to gamble. I got a gift card from an aunt. I hung out with my mom. Food was good. I watched some "The Wire' with my dad. I stayed sober and out of jail which is nice.
I walked 3 miles. I think Ben, Sheree, Mom and dad all had a good christmas.

I was able to give my mom some money and my family the gift of being there.

Christmas

Today I woke up with some anxiety. I had a busy day. I worked out and went to an AA meeting. I went for a 2 mile walk outside it was very cold. I texted matt and some other people. I called my mom. She was going to church. I felt busy and pretty good most of the day. Merry Christmas. The secret to life is to put a smile on someone elses face.

Monday

Monday I got to work and I was able to finally set up my 401k. I couldn't get it done for whatever reason for a year. Probably cost me millions of dollars. I am putting in the full seven percent so I can retire with a couple years of good living under my belt. Come on compound interest. Do your thang!

JT's cancer

my friend Johnny T his cancer got better and he is even growing his hair back. Small Victories.

Monday

Monday morning I got up at 8 am and went to an AA meeting at Perkins. I have been a bit lonely and just bored as of late. I know the quickest way to ruin any kind of success I have had is to drink, spend money I don't have, or not grow. I met Bruce there and some other people. I talked and shared my experience about the topic. The topic is knowing when you are doing enough or if you are being lazy. There is a fine line between doing all you can and being complacent. It helped me a bit and I met new people. I came home and I watched some Elliot Hulse videos. Elliot Hulse videos really give me a shot in the arm today. He uses his body and mind to heal the way I always wanted too. I know that walking and exercise are great medicine. Laughter is as well. So I am going to work today with a bit of a bounce in my step. I will be patient and work to get better every day. The other day I was extremely knowledgeable and patient with one of our bigger customers. I was proud that I put in long hours to know our product and I put in long hours to drop my ego that I wasn't going to fight with this person. I know I have to work with people for our business to be successful. I also now that businesses have to ride employees hard to be successful. Sometimes I want to push back because businesses demand so much, but if you want the businesses to stay open and be profitable you have to work hard. It is the grind and I appreciate working for an insurance company that grinded to stay profitable just like I appreciate a marketing place that I work for now that grinds hard to stay open.

The Weekend

The weekend was weird. Friday I got off work and I had a date. I made out with this lady and then she never got back to me. It was fun anyway. Just something really random. I thought it went well, but evidently she had buyers remorse the next day LOL. I had a decent day on Saturday. I worked. I was very patient at work even though I was a bit stressed out. Sunday I went to two AA meetings and stayed sober. Sunday night I was really lonely and I went to an AA meeting to talk about it. Plenty of action to take when I am lonely. Plenty of people are in jail and that is a lonelier and boring place than AA. So overall I had a decent weekend. I still have aweful anxiety at around 3 PM each day, today I went to the gym and I just did my best to get through it. This too shall pass like everything else. I am grateful for AA I can go there and talk about my problems and have actual solutions to my problems. LIKE HELPING PEOPLE. I am grateful for my apartment and black dog. I am grateful for the gym membership and friends. Good Night.

Random

I had a friend named Mark. An older person tell me today that I was doing good. It made me feel good. I have been thinking about life more like sports lately. I have to go to AA and listen to my coaches and play the game right, then I have to teach the younger people the life skills. While I am teaching I get more in-depth at the way I act. I want to work out, save money, give back, be patient, be respectful all that stuff that comes with playing the game of life well. I was able to work out a bit more today. I listened to the Urge, Guns and Roses, and some Skrillex. It got me pumped and it was one of the better workouts I have had. Andrea is on a social dating site that I am on. She has really cleaned up and she is skinny and her face looks good. She looks sober so that is good. Good job for her staying sober and looking good. That really made me happy because she can have some good ass stuff in her life if she creates some confidence for herself. Confidence is something you can't fake. You have to go through some stuff and not numb it with alcohol or other things. I went to two AA meetings today and I worked out so I really feel good today. I want to become 1 percent happier each day. I have a list of things to be happy and I will reflect on those first thing in the morning tomorrow.

The Drive back

I went on vacation with my mom. It was very nice. The Hotel was lavish. The games were expensive to play at the casino, but a nice place like that needs lots of money. The drive was good. There were important parts of Laggies that rang true to me. Yesterday I went to work and I hit all my numbers for the night. We were busy, but I stuck it out. I was listening to the Art of Charm podcast. I texted Snatch and we chatted a bit about IRAS. I am not comfortable in starting an IRA right now, but if I can get my dollars right by the new year I will. I thought I showed some progress because I don't make money like snatch but I can at-least have an idea or plan about saving money. I spent some money on the vacation, but my mom payed for most of it. It was fun and I hope to do it again. Driving back I was TIRED, it was a feeling I haven't felt for awhile because I haven't gone on many road trips. I met two people an Engineer and Kelly while on vacation, the Engineer made an impression because we talked about Tony Robbins. Kelly was just a nice go getter who worked for Aldi.

Vacation

My vacation was good. It didn't snow. I didn't win anything gambling but I had a good time. I went swimming and I went to the movies. All the meals were good. I was glad to make sure I did something other than press a button that makes you lose. I spent quality time with mom and we had some laughs. All the meals were good. I even made a couple videos and listened to an AA speaker tape. I am grateful to come home tomorrow and not be hungover. I used to be so sick coming home from float trips and vegas. I met some interesting people up here and I would rate the trip as an A+ I am grateful my mom took care of me when I was young so now I can enjoy wings!

Saturday progress

I feel like I have made good progress when a girl cancelled on me on my birthday to not take me out. I am getting to be a grizzled old man I didn't even think about it. I also had fun at black dog the same night. I had fun watching UFC and KU with my dad this weekend. His T.V. and couches are awesome for long sports watching sessions. Thank God for his couches and T.V. I needed some sports. I made progress as well that christmas doesn't really annoy me anymore. I really used to get mad at the annoying songs, people, and spending money. I know we are all apart of God's universe and it's all good.

The weekend

I have been playing lots of ps4. I am not getting better at advanced warfare but I have been putting time into it. I went home to St. Joseph on Friday and my mom took me out to eat. What a life do I have when I can just hang out with people are get fed. My parents have nice couches and T.V. I love to enjoy watching Soccer.

Happy Birthday to me

Today I met up with Raymond. We talked about not limiting God. God is awesome and I am awesome for staying alive 34 years. I went to the library today. I played ps4 with Jason in different rooms. It was pretty Rad. I went for a couple walks at the gym. There is this arm machine that I really like.

Sporting KC made a bunch of moves. As long as Besler Zusi and Dwyer is around that is all that matters.

The Royals signed Kendry Moralas. He sucks and he only DH's. Bad Dayton Moore BAD!

Putting down stuff in my mp3

I was putting some notes in my MP3 player. I was finding myself being thankful for some rejections from girls and jobs over the years. It forced me to find and seek joy within myself instead of looking towards outside sources to be happy. I don't know if there is a heaven or not but the people who think there is a heaven have a greater sense of joy in the moment. Believing in a heaven in the afterlife also helps you give more and be less selfish with also helps with deep level self-confidence. I gave some more money towards AA today and towards the salvation army because I really am stating to think about being Judged by God. I know that I try to be a good son and a good brother. I can always get better at giving money and things to other people. That also helps with me feeling good which in turns helps with my diet and helps me be happy to work out.

Monday

Monday I woke up pretty happy about the weekend. I saw my NHL 2014 and FIFA 2014 video games and I knew that was going to make me happy. At noon I went to an AA meeting. There are people coming to AA after binge drinking over Thanksgiving and getting DUI's I am happy that I don't have a DUI to deal with this Holiday season. I went shopping at Hy-Vee. I gave some money to the salvation army. I talked to my friend Kurtis and we talked about how much we have grown as people. We are no longer afraid to work hard and to grow as people. I take happiness and joy out of growing as a person. I am happy to always grow in patience and to grown in empathy in others. I have that all the time in my mind. Think about what it is like in another persons shoes. That gives me great joy and gratitude that I live in America and that I have nachos to eat. Hopefully Andrea is doing well. I know she was growing and I hope she grows in a different path into the light of GOD! Also she needs to find someone who isn't catholic and doesn't barf while boating. I saw Bryce yesterday. He seemed happy and he took my birthday shot!

Sunday

The Chiefs blew what should be a win. My parents came down for my birthday. I got NHL and FIFA for my birthday. I am currently enjoying playing both of those. I put in lots of work at work. My boss wanted me to write a resume for this position and I also was named assistant captain. That means I just send out e-mails. It is important for my team to understand that the customers pay for our jobs. Be nice empathize and let them vent. You have to let people vent around you. You may as well be the only one in their day with a chance to heal not to hurt. I am grateful for being sober. I was able to save some money and pay for my taxes on my jeep. My jeep is awesome and Bryce has one just like it. My mom and Sheree got to hold Bryces baby. He loved it! I was nervous my parents were going to drop him but it all turned out o.k.

Thursday

Thursday I visited Raymond. Our friend Richard is drinking again. Booze is such a beast and so powerful that people can't stay off of it. Raymond is doing good. Andrea hasn't contacted me in a week which is very good. I don't know how long it will take for the Self-confidence to come over her but if she just tries to think like her sponsor does and does AA work hard she will have awesome benefits. I want her to have a man that naturally likes to work on houses and impregnant chickens and go on boat rides without being sick. Work has been alot for me lately. I wonder how people in relationships do christmas because I have been going to work and sleeping and going to work. Not doing much in between.

Wednesday

Tuesday was pretty rough. I have been stressed out by the Holidays and I seem to be working everyday. I made it through because that is what type of a guy I am. Today was weird because my friend Kristen (Red) moved into town and she mentioned meeting up. Red has a great sense of humor and watches the same shows as me. She is dating a guy and is totally freaking out how serious it has gotten so fast. We went to black dog and I had some laughs. I met Red out one night hitting on girls at Harpos. I hit on every girl possible back then and I was blessed to have a friend that makes me laugh like Red. EAGLE BOOST.

Sunday Night And Monday

Sunday night Adam, Jason, and Sarah and I watched the football game. The Chiefs were bad. It was o.k. I played some fifa and went to bed. Monday I woke up and deposited the chiefs for rent this month. Jason and I made it a year together! What a year it has been as well! I was feeling a bit salty today, but then I remembered at-least I have heat. My fantasy team is playing well. I didn't get a DUI over thanksgiving break. I am not hungover today. I didn't feel very well physically but I try to think about things that are positive or at-least things that I can control.

other stuff.

Andrea hasn't contacted me lately. Which is good. I am sure she is reading my blog because I see 4 or 5 hits on my blog. When you look at it logically she really does need a person that can work on houses without complaining. Needs a non-catholic that goes to church and someone that can go on boats and cruises. I play T.V. like being by myself and stuff. So I hope she is doing well and I hope she understands that she is building self-esteem and at some point you just have to get someone who fits your needs. I am praying she never contacts me again unless the situation is right and she puts in the time and wor to build self-esteem. I have tons of girls break up with me, I had to move on eventually and build up my self worth. It isn't easy doing that BUT NOTHING IN LIFE WORTH HAVING IS EASY.

The Weekend

I worked thanksgiving night. I also worked black friday. It was very very busy. It was stressful. I didn't get much sleep on Friday night. Saturday I woke up and I was grateful not to have to do brunch or have anyone around me. I also didn't have to clean or do anything. I just had to rest and I needed it. I went and got Cortland's Halo Lego set. With the hours I put in for Holiday pay I was able to afford his Legos that was night. I thank God I was able to afford something this year. I haven't been doing well with money. The night came and I felt terrible. I was tired for work and just the holidays were weird on me. Cortlands birthday party was fun though. My dad and I were laughing at the "Jackpot" of tickets he won. In true gambling fashion he said "I was down to my last quarter as well" (that is something every gambler says) My mom and I went to the casino and I lost 30 bucks. It was still a fun night. Sunday I woke up again feeling tired and terrible. I watched some football and ate some mr. goodscents. Fun weekend overall.

Thanksgiving

Wednesday I worked and I was wired when I got off work. I went back to St. Joseph at midnight. I woke up on Thanksgiving and worked out. My family and I went to Golden Corral. It was delicious and it was fun. My mom did a great job with extra food. I had to go to work. I was in a decent mood to be productive we were busy. I came home and just chatted online to friends over facebook. On Friday I work and I have off Saturday and Sunday. I am thankful for people that love me and I am thankful for shelter, warm showers, and a roof over my head.

If nothing Changes Nothing changes

As the saying goes "If nothing changes" "Nothing changes" with that I decided that I am going to change the way I live and focus on AA, prayer, and playing video games. I asked Andrea not to contact me yesterday and she came to me work?!? and came to my apartment...I made up my mind this is the end. No more contact. She needs to work on herself and find a guy who likes to boat and work on houses and I need to play video games. So I called her mom and we got together to clean my stuff out. I am a bit sad bit I see a person for Andrea who goes to church, works on houses, that makes babies, etc. And I see myself playing ps4 and watching Sporting KC. So I am a bit sad today, but jason and I are hanging out. I work 3-11:30 tonight 3:30-9:00pm tomorrow and 3-11:30 on friday. I have saturday and sunday off and I will get double-time and a half pay for tomorrow.

Tuesday

Drew Breezy had a huge game yesterday that sunk my fantasy team. On tuesday I woke up and played some poker on game cube. I have been doing awful lately. I have put hours in on my poker game but I am still not very good. I made my bed. I texted my dad the reasons why Andrea and I aren't working out. He wished her well. My whole family wishes her well actually. It will be good for her if she wants babies and a husband to do that now and not waste any more moments on a guy like me who loves SKC, Chiefs, Royals, Penguins, PS4 over bablies families and such. I reconnected with some people like Lesiel and Chelle some other people who are out in about so I can start going out again. It felt good like old times. Overall I grew with my time with Andrea. I really saw what it took to grow which is not playing video games and watching sports and working on houses and playing board games with family.

The Penguins

Marc-Andre Fleury gets his 300th win for the penguins and Geno Malkin scored the game winner on national T.V. against the Bruins tonite. Congrats.

Monday

Eli Manning had a huge night for me in fantasy yesterday. This morning I woke up and washed clothes and I played some playstation 4. Andrea wanted me to get my stuff out of her house because she is mad at me again. So I went over there and she was kind enough to pack up all my stuff. I left but checked out her dads poor buick had a damaged door. I came home went to library worked and now I need The Saints to play bad.

Awful week for fantasy teams

I picked up Maurince Jones drew off the waiver wire. He COST me points. I would have been better not starting anyone.

Weekend

This weekend it was slick out and I wanted to protect the jeep again. Andrea didn't want to hang out which gave me time to really go to AA meetings. I really spread my 4 years of knowledge around. I know one thing I always had this voice inside me telling me to do wrong things. Drinking, lying, cheating, stealing, evening the score. That is never a good idea. So anyway in some of the alcohol programs they call that "Labeling your beast" so when you get those thoughts you know to not take that seriously. Anyway I went to three AA meetings and I plan on going to many more because I have knowledge to share and I get to learn and get to re-learn things I already know. I played lots of PS4 this weekend and took some videos of me playing. That was fun. I watched football.

At work I was ranked 4th out of like 140 people which is good. I only have 5 more days of the month and hopefully I bonus!

Friday

I have been busy lately. Today a friend Jorge came up to me at work. I was able to make it to number one. I dropped to 8 on Friday but it is cool to be up there in the rankings number 1. I watched the chiefs get beat yesterday and that wasn't fool. I got beat at Texas Holdem for 50 bucks as well that wasn't cool either but I feel by game is getting better lol. I have to work thanksgiving 330 to 9:30 which is a bummer. I can make my 50 bucks back working the holiday I suppose haha. I wish I had Thursday and Friday off next week to relax and hit AA meetings but working is good for me. I went to AA meetings and practice qichong. I am glad that the holidays aren't too hectic for men one day.at a time. I still meet with Raymond every week so I can become a better man.

Friday

Yesterday I watched the Chiefs lose. Andrea and I hung out. I went to Raymonds. I taught him what I know about Qichong. I work Friday and Saturday this weekend. I am ranked #3 at work which is good.

jerp

I was able to take care of my jeep this weekend. That is the most important thing. My jeep is working that is all that matters.

Sunday Gratitude List.

I am grateful for my parents for giving me the tools to make money and have a good life.
I am grateful to survive last week with Andrea. Now she is having a decent week, cooking, making brunch, being productive. I get a front row seat to her growing an it reminds me of myself. Going from getting drunk on Sundays to planning your week is just a good way to set up for success. I went for a walk Sunday at Planet fitness and I made the goal to stay safe and have my jeep safe. Andrea's parents had an accident in their car and I will say the roads were bad here.

I am grateful for another day with a running jeep.
I am grateful for no homework on Sunday night.

Sunday

I enjoyed watching the Chiefs win today. I got to tweet with Bahr as well. The Chiefs are a very solid team. I went shopping with Andrea and we both enjoyed ourselves by grocery shopping and she cleaned. The Chiefs and Royals are having good years and I am enjoying it.

The Week that was.

This week was very busy. We got new clients at work. I was busy and I was taking supervisor calls. I felt decent at work though. My medicine seems to be taking the edge off. I talked to Raymond on Thursday. I went to the doctor on Thursday. I also on day 4 on not eating after 8 PM. The Doctor said I was overweight and I was going to have knee problems. So I have been trying not to eat after eight. Andrea was better this weekend. She made brunch and let me eat food and watch football. My new PS4 is great and I am also playing Wii over the weekend. I need to practice double double bonus hands in video poker. I am playing Jacks and better correctly, but I found out that the same rules do not apply to double double bonus poker haha. I played some Wii Sega Bass fishing. It isdecent but I suck.

Wednesday

Wednesday I woke up and played some video games. MLB The Show is off the chain. It is not easy to play though. I did some walking at the gym along with some elipitcal work. It was O.K. I have been posting more on Sober Recovery for some deep level satisfaction. I woke up and Texted Bryce and we chatted about cultivating patience. I want to say also that since my sister is so busy with pop-culture stuff I am always able to talk to people and work on my people skills.

tuesday

I went to the dentist. I take care of my teeth. My dentist had a long talk with me about life. I vow to floss more. This time I mean it. It went well. I helped the receptionist tell her kids how video games can help teach miss about work ethic. I talked about coder dojo and the whole day was weirdly connected with people. My sister works hard with her kid to succeed and helps me connect with other people. I also was telling people the cold weather was like free effective air conditioning.

Chiefs Win

The Chiefs had a big win on the road. They are playing well. Andrea was bad all weekend but she pulled it together at the end. I made it through my training and put my heart and soul into becoming a better worker. I bought Andrea flowers because she made it through the weekend. My dad worked really hard to provide me video games. I ate granite city. MISSOURI WESTER WIN THEIR GAME A BILLION TO ZERO. I woke up Monday and did some breathing work and qichong. It has been a busy time and I am grateful for God in my life. Ups and downs I vow to stay positive and just be grateful for what I have.

Zen and the art of poker

I am reading this book. It really shows how important patience is to any game and in life. Patience has to be the center pillar of life to really achieve peace in your life.

Wednesday

Tuesday and Wednesday were pretty good days to work out. I felt pretty good and I was in a decent mood to walk on the treadmill and lift weights. Tuesday night I worked and Andrea offered to come over to my place. I am always leary about her coming over because I never know if she is going to spaz out or if her miata is going to break down and/or explode, or if she would forget clothes for work. I picked up some food and a toothbrush and set up episodes of Mad Men so we could have a slumber party. It went well she was in a good mood. The weather is good and I just finished American Hustle. Christian Bale is off the chain!

Tuesday

I woke up and did qichong and prayed today. I scraped my right front fender against the wall at andreas yesterday, so I was a bit mad that there is some body damage, but I am glad that nothing like that has happened before. I had a good run of luck with this jeep. So I was struggling a bit to put a scrape into prespective. I worked out. It was o.k. It is better than not working out. I ate decent and I was productice. Andrea and I watched mad men yesterday, yep it is still awesome!

Weekend

Weekend started on Friday. I worked and it was pretty meh. I got off worked and watched a movie on eastern medicine in china. Andrea came home and we did nothing. I woke up Saturday morning. I created characters for Andrea and I on Wii. Saturday I went for a walk and then got ready for a day filled with AA. I was speaking that night for my 4 year sober birthday. My friend Adam was speaking as well. First Andrea and I worked 4 or 5 hours cleaning the garage. Andrea wanted the garage cleaned so she could park two cars in there and I knew to be a good man I needed to help. I was able to help. That night Andrea's parents drove us to AA and I spoke and I did a great job speaking. I also brought some dessert for everyone and everyone told me how awesome I was. I was just like...I know I am awesome I spent 4 years developing skills ya'll. So that went good. Sunday I worked some more as did andrea to clean the basement out. We went to St. Joseph where I watched the Chiefs win and my dad and dog play while we watched the chiefs win. Andrea went with my mom to watch a movie. Sunday night we played Wii and it was fun. It was a very long weekend and it tested my patience, but I would give myself an A++ because I was of service and I was sober, and the chiefs won.

Penguins

The Penguins have been strong as of late. Yesterday they shut out the Cup Champions kings 3-0. The Penguins are currently 6-2-1. The Penguins are in first in the Metro Division of the Eastern Conference.

Time to put on my big boy pants

Hello and happy Friday. Yesterday at work my boss Aaron was going over the stats with me. Everything was good. He said he had a Resolution Specialist class and asked me if I wanted to be in it. It is handing harder phone calls and having more power to settle issues. I said yes because I have decided that if I don't get that experience or knowledge someone else will. I feel like what the bosses do at my work I can do if I just get the knowledge and experience. I hate it when people say "Ray you have an easy life" To have my life you have to go into things and work and grind so there is time to play video poker, time to watch Sporting KC lose, and time to watch the Royals and chiefs.

So I am going to have to work on my breathing and my inner game skills because people that are made really can put me physically in a bad position which makes my words bad. So I will focus on my breathing and stay relax and get the knowledge. I am sure in a couple years I will be glad that opportunity knocked and I didn't take the easy way out. If you are not getting better you are getting worse.

Thursday

It was a rough one for Royals fans yesterday. It was a great season though. I worked and walked on the treadmill. I got off work went to Andrea's we did some QiChong workout stuff. Sporting KC limps into the playoffs and I don't expect much.

162.28

I had a huge week last week in Fantasy Football. I didn't even check the stats until today. Wowza...I have the chiefs defense and Antonio brown who were both amazing. My team is 5-3.

Wednesday

Royals won yesterday and today is a big day!!! I got Super Monkey ball for Wii I have yet to play it. Andrea's shower has no hot water.

I have been grinding on http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KkmQw5qMYs4

this video above about QiChong I started Wednesday out with my 4 minutes of Qichong

I have also been using a Meditation Bell to really focus on mindfullness and being present to the moment.

Monday and Tuesday

Monday and Tuesday I have been working on going for walks and practicing QiChong. Most of life is just learning how to love the things you already have. QiChong, Pray, and practicing spiritual things is not easy. It takes lots of practice and pain. I do feel better though doing that, working out, and then that helps me work better at work. I feel a good relationship with my boss at work. I am looking like I am going to bonus this month which is nice. The other day at work we had a large department meeting and my name was on the list as one of the top score people. There was along list, but I was grateful that I was even on the list. I am really good at call efficiency, call quality, my first call resolution isn't good, but I am working on it. Overall I feel way better now that I am lifting some weights, doing QiChong and going to AA meetings. I actually have a decent sponsor brothers which basically means I have people that got taught a spiritual way of life the same way. It was nice reaching out to The Elder Statesman the other day. He always has good wisdom. Bryce made a good pun this morning. This blog is all over the place today!

Meditation and reflection

I was able to stretch out meditation a bit yesterday. It can be exhausting to clear your mind and when thoughts come in clear it again for long periods of time but it can be done and it is a good habit and exersise to do. Just looking at the Flag over the Kansas Speedway with no thoughts in my head helped me calmed me down a bit.

Weekend

This weekend I worked Friday and Saturday. I don't remember much about it. We have new business and that will be a challenge. Saturday was a rough one. I didn't feel very well and I gutted it out at work. Sunday I woke up in a better mood. I worked out and ate chicken. I got prepared for the last home game of the season for Sporting KC. It was sad because I don't think they will get another home game. The team didn't mesh well at all and injuries hurt us. Goal Keeping wasn't good at all either. I walked around and took some final pictures and reflected on the 4th season of sporting park. The weather was beautiful. I sat in the south stand with Molly K as we talked about our cult favorite players. Sporting KC got beat. Henry didn't play for the Red Bulls which wasn't good. Traffic was good. Royals lost again.

I have my meals lined up mostly. I have prepared chicken and tuna so I have some decent fuel for my workouts. I am grateful I have money to afford to eat non-processed meats.

Thursday

Thursday I went to the doctor and got my meds increased. I visited with Raymond. We discusse chickens and other nonsense. He is doing good. I went to work out at planet fitness I did some chest and some dumb bell bench presses. The doctor was surprised that I gained so much weight, and she said that it wasn't from anti-depressants. So that was good news. I bought some chicken and I am going to eat as clean as possible for as long as possible.

Tuesday

Tuesday. I woke up and went to Planet Fitness. My workout routine needs a shot in the arm so I decided to switch it up and try planet fitness. It is very clean and is 15 bucks a month. so that means I am spending 45 bucks a month on two workout centers, but it provides me variety. I love walking trails, but I like walking on treadmills were there is a nice water supply and I have access to TV's on the double or Wi-Fi. I had a nice workout and I came back and I got on my knees and thanked God that I didn't go to that Royals game. I was able to buy steak and get membership going at planet fitness and save some money by not watching that awful game. On Tuesday Andrea said something about her hands hurting, but at this point I was too down about the Royals game. Like I said at-least I am able to buy steak and also borrow Just Dance 4 for the price of a Royals ticket.

I need to

I need to start going to the gym and eating right as apart of.my job and AA. I am going to start wearing a good uniform to the gym and wear an appropriate outfit to the gym like it is my job. My attitude of just being happy going to the gym isn't working well. Haha I am alright about it though. I know just working out a bit more and I will see results.

Monday

Monday my appointment was cancelled for my medication. I was glad that I at-least was able to go into a creative mode and make Meme's of myself. I really like the jokes I make so I was cracking myself up. Thank God I was born with a sense of humor about myself and other things. I went for a walk...I was also able to grill and burn the hairs off my arm. I went to the Library because Andrea said she had no fun this weekend. I borrowed just dance 3 and 4 from the Library and I drove the Andrea's to set up the Wii she bought in a garage sell. Sometimes I get things for people and they don't play them, but this one worked out. Rachael and Andrea danced. I played with Rachael's kids for awhile and I bought this electric drum kit toy and Titus played with that a bit. So the night went good. The fantasy football weekend was a barn burner and I had the game won but my fantasy football player Antonio Brown stepped out of bounds. He didn't score and I lost by one. Fantasy football was awesome this weekend because I watched 3 games and had a vested interest. It was pretty exciting.

Monday

Monday my doctor cancelled and rescheduled for Thursday. That is a bummer I was hoping to feel or get something to help me feel a bit better. Oh well one day at a time. It was nice to wake up with a clean house. Andrew did a great job cleaning. I made some posts on Facebook that I thought was funny.

Winding up the weekend

Winding up the weekend. I am watching Seattle and Galaxy. I feel pretty good. It is about time for a weekend gratitude list.

I am grateful my dad is able to hold a job so he can afford 70 inches of T.V. it is glorious and Nascar looks great on it.

I am grateful for food and water. America is a great place to live.

I am glad that I live in safe neighborhoods (for the most part)

I am glad there is A.A. a place where if you want to quit partying and shift your focus on helping people, you have that options

Andrea, Sheree, Cortland, Mom, Andrea's parents, Bryce, Bryce's parents, John....Grateful for those people as well.

I am glad I went to a H.S. where I was able to stay out of trouble and by the grace of God I stayed out of trouble most of my life.

I am grateful for my health and a balanced life. I had this weekend off and it was a blessing to get a chance to clean and it was nice to enjoy some football.

I am grateful for the Royals. I have spent all this money on the team and they are coming through huge now. Good job Royals

I am grateful for Sporting KC...A Bed to sleep in. I love to fish...bowling....area rugs
and throw rugs.

I am grateful for my mom and dad for staying together.

I am grateful that I found a man like Raymond and my dad who do good things for others. A healthy respect that you do good for other people and good things happen is what I sorely needed.

I am grateful for Bryce who was always a man I could dump my problems on and he was patient and I could always sleep at his place in springfield

being productive.

It was nice to get up and help Andrea clean today. She spent all day cleaning. Good for her. The house looks good and the outside trees are beautiful. Hopefully she feeds the racoons apples!

Sunday.

I had a great day and so did the chiefs. Vinnie can enjoy a Red Monday as the Chiefs come through for the victory. My mom loved to ask me if the Royals can win the World Series...4 out of the next 7. Miracles happen.

Saturday

Saturday ended up being a pretty good day. I was able to do some cleaning. I went to Andrea's house and she got a Wii and did well garage sale shopping. I watched the Notre Dame and Flordia State game. Sporting KC lost. They are really limping into the playoffs. We went to an AA speaker meeting which was productive. It was nice to hear that a shift in a mindset from "Where is the party at this weekend?" do "How can I be of service, or how can I do my job better" That made me feel good because I do make an effort to be of service. It makes me feel good that we can go to an AA meeting and learn somethings about life, we can hear people be honest about some secrets that gives me some peace, and it is free or at most costs a dollar. That makes for a nice Sunday morning. I went for a walk and the cold air was refreshing. I did a bad job yesterday eating a ton of graham crackers, but I am not too upset, I was just upset because it gave me a tummy ache. Today I am going to watch the chiefs, but the rest is going to be up in the air. I am reading a book about Chinese martial arts and it's healing properties. It is pretty good.

Saturday

Friday I did nothing. A racoon broke into Andrea's house, I was on my way home to get some sleep. Saturday came and I woke up and went to 24-hour fitness. I cleaned my bathroom. I bought some stuff at Aldi's. I also took naps and I paid bills. Jason and Sarah are always on time for bill paying and for that I am grateful.

thursday

Thursday I was of service by cleaning Andrea's house. It is nice to live my life with spiritual principles. I feel great when I put other people in front of me. I watched football yesterday night. I felt a bit better as of late. I am still going to the doctor on Monday to see if I need a re up on my meds. I went bowling yesterday at park lanes

Thursday

I am glad yesterday is over and I am glad I scheduled an appointment for Monday. I hope to get my meds adjusted because I have had one big panic attack the last couple days. I was able to go to an AA meeting with my roommate which was productive. I used to drink the anxiety away, but I was taking the attack the most positive way as possible. Jason, Adam and I were all at the meeting also I signed up to speak with Adam on November 1st. I am a bit worried I have to work that day but I will find out shortly if I have to work or not. The Royals. What a magical run. Speed and defense. They are amazing at pitching and defense. 4 more games and we are world champions. It is starting to sink in more that they are champions.

Wednesday

Wednesday The Royals Win and they are going to the World Series. It hasn't sunk in yet. I have had horrible anxiety and stress lately, so it is hard to be happy. I go to the doctor monday hopefully we get something done. On the good though the Royals defense and pitching is amazing.

Tuesday

Tuesday I woke up with a nervous edge. I was able to use the nervous energy to go on a 2-mile walk. It was o.k. A bit windy. I then went to the Library and picked out some books. I posted about things. I then when to Hy-Vee and got some chicken. There were people there talking about the Royals and Halloween at the same time. Very weird to say the least. I got some chicken and I came home and took a nap and I am getting ready for work tonight. I am hopeful I get better medicine so I don't have to be so edgy or so anxious right from when I wake up and I have a doctors appointment for it Monday. On one hand being on edge gets me moving, on the other hand it makes life pretty miserable until I get some things done and such. Oh well I will keep getting better and take steps to make my life better.

Penguins update

The Penguins have came out with 2 wins to start to the season. Sutter is my favorite hard working player on the team. They beat Anaheim and The Maple Leafs. 2 games 2 wins is a great start. Fluery looks crappy between the pipes again. Hope he gets his act together this year. He has a habit of coming out of goal and getting embarrassed as an easy goal goes in while he is flopping around behind the net. Go Pens.

Frustrated with some hope.

I have been frustrated with the way I have been feeling lately. I have decided to take action an go to the doctor on Monday to see if I need a change in medicine. My life is not life or death and I shouldn't be having panic attacks or just feeling down so much. I have been doing my best not to let it show in my work or the way I treat people, but I know I am not doing enough to see if there are better options out there to treat anxiety or depression. So I better set aside some money this week to pay the doctor. Kudos for me for taking massive action on the matter and I know now it is up to me to make myself happy no one will do it for yourself.

Work...work is good. I am lower to middle rankings. It has been messed up, but I keep praying and keep taking action trying to be laid back.

Andrea is good. She handles things with grace and class that many people wouldn't. She has worked hard to pause when angered or upset and be able to make better choices. Many people just act out like children. She is a miracle and a testament that your personality and your character can change if you work at it. Sometimes you revert to type and go back to the old way of acting, but you can always improve of patience and pausing to the point were you become better at it.

Patience....you have to be patient to fish.

I went swimming and sat in the hot tub today at 24-hour fitness I want to get my moneys worth.

Giving back

It doesn't matter if it is an extra dollar in the basket or helping others. Or just putting a smile on someone else's face. I always love giving back. Today I was at Hy-Vee and I told the workers making the chicken that I appreciate them busting their butt. The man just smiled and said. I do it because people love chicken and without my hard work people wouldn't get the chicken they deserve.

Sunday

I had Friday circled on my schedule. It was Sporting KC night. My dad showed up at the exact same time I did. Andrea came later on and she cheered as Sporting KC won 2-0. Dwyer and Zusi played awesome. As well as the Hebrew Hammer.


Saturday I watched Mizzou get shut out. Saturday night I worked and tried my best to get updates on the Royals. They are on Friday.

Friday Andrea, My dad, and I went to Sporting KC. Dom Dwyer looked great and so did Zusi. SKC won 2-0.

Sunday I woke up and went to 24-hour fitness and walked. I went to an AA meeting and did some talking. Now I am blogging. It was a good week filled with lots of service and lots of giving back. I love to really put time, money, and energy in AA. Alcoholism is one of the things that I try to help people where ever I can. It really gives me good vibes that I can help.

Thursday

Thursday I woke up and I played some video games. I then asked myself what do I need to do right now. I decided I need to see if I could get my bowling ball drilled. My dad was kind enough to buy me a bowling ball. I called southside lanes and they said they could have someone there by 12:30 pm. I went back to St. Joseph. My dad had the day off and we got the bowling ball drilled. It is nice to have random days off so I could take my time to get the ball drilled and I could also get new slacks for work. We went to chedders and out to eat. Then mom came home and I used the bowling ball. The ball felt good and it was fun. I then drove to KC and I helped Larry take one dryer out and take one dryer out to the curb. We took bets on how long it took for someone to take it. I then watched Rehab addict and that show was probably my favorite as far as HGTV goes. It was a nice day off and I am going to the sporting game tonight which should be fun.

hahaha

Some lady at the store was upset because she won 100 dollars, but she almost won 1,000 dollars. If you are a gambler and you can't find joy in winning anything. You need to find a different game. The game of life in short is always to act grateful to God and grateful for the universe to give you anything. I am grateful for the Royals and their magical trip. I am grateful for sporting kc. I need 2 more people to go to skc for Friday by the way!

Monday

Monday was an alright day of work. I got a bit early so I went to Andrea's I watched football and talked. She wanted to know if my parents loved her, and I said yes my parents love her, they are concerned with her projects sometimes. She got mad and I explained I am always trying to get her goat. She was still mad when we went to bed. She can do all the projects she wants it is her house. I woke up this morning vacuumed my room then went to an AA meeting. I figured I have been sassy and hungry so I better go to AA and be around people. It was good. Now I am just chilling. I have tickets to Sporting KC on friday. SKC!

The Weekend

The weekend started by me going home to Andrea's and Nate was watching the Royals with his trusty dog "Chedder" Chedder sniffed me up and down and ran away. The Royals ran away with the game on an Eric Hosmer homerun. Saturday was worlds of fun day. Andrea got up and looked at garage sales while I drove around and did nothing. Andrea got home and I went to worlds of fun and Andrea couldn't find her pass, but later she found it. I met up with my family for family funday Saturday at Worlds of Fun. It was halloween spooktacular day and the park was very scary filled with people with bad beards and carhardt jackets. I road the Patriot, Flying Dutchman, Sea Dragon, and the buffet line. The end of the night we went to Johns and vinnie, bryce, excuse me "THE BYRDMAN" R.J. Snatch, Brett, and their girlfriends or wives were all there. Johns house was very nice. We went home and it was nice. On Sunday I went out to nascar. I packed lots of meat snacks and pop. I showed up really early to catch the Joe Nichols concert. He was very country. I snapped some pictures. My mom and dad showed up and the race was good, but man the weather was the real star. After the race it took me forever to get out of the parking lot. I stayed somewhat in check the entire day. I used to have anxiety so bad I could never go to Nascar without a heeping helping of Whiskey and beer, but over the years I have learned to mellow out and let everyone do their thing. Watching Nascar in person is better than sitting at the house not doing nothing. Joey Legano won the race. I went home and watched The Royals with Andreas dad and the kid. The Royals are on fire and it was a good week. Sporting KC plays this Friday and they are quietly not having a good season. They have been "MEH" Hopefully they catch fire like the Royals down the stretch.

Thursday

Thursday I woke up. Went out to the speedway to poke around at the action. Lots and lots and lots and lots of motorhomes. No race cars drivers seen. Lots of people at the Legends. I went to hang out with Raymond he is doing well. I want to make a point to visit him every week. Yesterday at work I got to sit with new people and show them a great attitude that makes me successful. Royals tonight! Yeah!

Wednesday

Wednesday I woke up. I had pretty bad anxiety even though I have been taking medicine. I didn't sleep well so that could be an issue. I went over to Andrea's Mom's house to visit the great-grandma and Andrea's mom. We talked about the cruise and shot the breeze for awhile. I played with Andrea's niece and nephew for awhile. I went to work. I am not going to bonus this month because of new rules. My boss keeps listening to my calls and says I am doing good. I have to show empathy and show I care on every call. After work I went to the gym. I got my picks in this weekend 49ers and Rams win total score 77. My fantasy football team last weekend did great.

Tuesday

Monday night I went for a walk at 24-hour fitness. Then I came home to watch the Chiefs blow out the Patriots. I woke up on Tuesday. I did laundry and I vacuumed my room and went to hy-vee. Pretty productive day.

Weekend.

Saturday I worked all night it was o.k. Trying to get back to the exact same tone and attitude that my boss has. I know a good way to be good at life is trying to mirror someone who has walked the same path. Sunday I woke up and Andrea and I went to Aldi's. She made some chicken and we went to the boat. I was in a decent mood. I had made sure to get all my medicine up to date because working then going on the boat with people around can get me a bit annoyed. My parents showed up with the jet-ski and it went pretty well. I was a bit worried about getting hurt on the tube, but it all worked out. I got about 45 minutes of fishing in which is nice as well. I want to get 10 hours of fishing in before November. The Royals wrapped up a great season and play on Tuesday. Sporting KC has a huge problem at goal keeper. I took some pictures on the lake and about two of them I like. \


I connected a bit with this guy at work the other day, I let him know if you are going to be around people of value you have to be in a good mood or be able to fake it. Anyone who is worth anything has options to leave you out of their lives. He said that he was basically thinking the same thing earlier that day. Wavelengths on men go deep sometime.

Friday

Friday I came into work and I sent out an e-mail asking for tips to get better. I really need to slow down and treat everyone like a friend and stop being so business-like. Less robotic and more empathy. My boss said he liked the e-mail and I was the only one reaching out for help I know when bad things happen

Life goes on.
You win some, you lose some.
This, too, shall pass.
You can't please everybody.
We live and learn.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Remember that sometimes bad things lead to the best things.

Friday

Friday I woke up and went for a 2-mile walk. Thursday was poker night and it seemed to go well with fun and white hot action. It was down to Molly and I for the win and I always ask to split the pot and that is what we did. I brought Birthday cake oreo's and that seemed to go over well. My dad told me not to eat the oreo's because I am low carbing on my diet so I didn't eat them. I have gone 10 or so days under 50 grams of carbs.

Wednesday

Wednesday I went to work and I found myself to the bottom of the ranker board. My work took away sales and now we are graded on First Call resolution and team survey scores. My plan of action is to talk to my supervisor and to see what I can do to move up. Everyone gets dealt lousy hands and it is my job to take action with enthusiasm to get better!

The Royals lost yesterday. Today if things go well they could clinch a Playoff Spot. Tonight is poker. We are having pulled pork, Chicken wings, and some Oreo's if Molly K wants some.

On Wednesday I felt bad because I was towards the bottom of the rankings, but also I have a cold. I went to bed early. Thursday I had a list of things to do. Get my oil changed, go to Raymonds, pick up my prescription for my depression. I was able to get all those things done and I was also able to pick up some things for Poker Night. I was happy I was productive and I was happy I was able to get myself to do those things. Sometimes it is difficult to get myself to get my butt to get my oil changed or do every day chores. Today wasn't so bad. I was glad I was able to meet with Raymond. Nothing is more important to me than to be honest with another person to make sure I am on a good path and be successful. He was doing well. I also love to really make it a habit to goto AA meetings and make it a strong habbit to call and visit in person my sponsor. I thought about texting Raymond today to see when he wanted to meet, but I always want to TALK TO HIM LIVE. Sometimes I don't know what is going on unless I speak because tone of voice and body language is so important. I try to do exactly what successful people do and that incudes body language and voice tone. Anyway the point is that it is harder to hide my issues when I am in person or on the phone. That makes it easier for someone else to point out my issues and I can address them and correct them or have a plan of action to correct them.


Lets Go Royals.
Lets Go Chiefs
Lets go My fantasy team!

Wednesday

Wednesday I woke up and tried out my new duck dynasty rod and reel. It was a bit sketchy but was pretty nice. The pond I went to I think just has cat fish. So I threw some plastic grubs in and just made it wiggle around. It was nice to some fishing done and I am sure that at-least I can go back to the same place to get some fishing in. I paid 40 dollars and 60 dollars for the out of state fishing lic and a new rod and reel so hopefully I get 10 hours at-least of fishing in that would be 10 dollars an hour. I also got an important photo to show how important it is to get away from cell phones and pagers and into the out doors.

Tuesday night at work I did the command center for awhile. No big news just calling on people who were having issues. I get to walk around with a 3 ring binder which is nice.
I am on day 8 of low carb. I am not as low carb as my dad and some days like this morning I feel like crap. I was sore from walking and I was also just tired. It is the price you pay to get your weight down and better health long term. Every inch off your belly adds 10 years of your life or something. Andrea and I talked about Ali ....a dude we know who died. For me overdosing or killing yourself scares me because what if my mind goes down that path. What is my legacy. I have come to peace with I never know what is going to happen. I will try to be cool to people and help people and I will let God do his job. I feel good overall and one person made a comment that I didn't like and I could really feel it, that is because I am pretty sure of myself. I can always get good vibes from going to AA, listening to an Anthony Robbins tape, or talking to the guy at Dollar Tree.

I walked a bit on the treadmill and I need to have decent shoes on me because I am sure today because I walked in loafers. I am glad I made it a point to at-least get my rear end to the gym. Royals are doing awesome. Sporting KC won yesterday 3-0.

Sports

My fantasy football team won after big games from Antonio Brown and Levon Bell from the Steelers.

Monday and Tuesday.

Monday I found out that a man I know died of an overdose. Lots of people feel so bad out there through diseased brains. So I said a prayer for him. This is Andrea's first time with an addict/alcohol person die, so I wanted to make sure I came over and could see her reaction and be there for her. It becomes pretty normal after awhile because only like 3% of the people stay sober through various channels. It was o.k. we went to sleep. I had a dream that the Royals got cheated by the A's. There was a big win for the Royals yesterday. On Tuesday I woke up and I went to get my fishing Lic for missouri. That went smoothly. I got two cheap rods and reals so it is something for me to play with if we go boating this weekend or camping. It was about 100 dollars all together. I have a bit of buyers remorse because of the money, but I figure that anything that gets Andrea and I out doors for one day is decent. I need pliers as well now. Hopefully her nephew wants to go. My nephew doesn't like anything but video games.

The Weekend.

The weekend. Friday Andrea was mad at me. So I just read everything she said so I could prepare to parrot it back to her in situations where humor is needed. I woke up on Saturday and worked out a bit from 24-hour fitness I always try to get my moneys worth out of that place. I then took a nap and I woke up and was in terror. I took my medicine earlier in the day and I think that helped me calm down and instead of going straight to St. Joseph I went to my friend Matt the engineers first. then I went to St. Joseph. Missouri western has some weapons on offense and their secondary and defense was perfect. A shutout. Saturday I hung out with Andrea she was wasn't mad anymore and her dog survived. We went to BOCC so she could see St. Josephs best band. Sunday came up and I did laundry and then we made sure we couldn't go boating. We then went to St. Joseph to bowl with my parents. It was fun and my dad bowled well which was good. He had a combine fall on him earlier this year and now he is bowling in the 259's range. The Chiefs won and Royals are hanging tough. Andrea and I drove back to Kansas City and I wanted to make sure we went to an AA meeting. We don't get to go to meetings very much together so I wanted to absolutely get my butt to a meeting. There was a man there who was very aggressive and it was important experience to ignore that man and listen to people with good wisdom to get through life. The Serenity prayer is very good to comfort me and can be used as a tool to have God decide what is your job and what is Gods job. I spoke about this somewhat this weekend. In insurance or customer service you do the best you can and if the people are unhappy you let God do his job and decide what is best for everyone on earth. I do my job and provide the best vibe, a kind attitude, and do what I think is right for my job and then you give the outcome to God or the universe. Sometimes I don't know what God is but I can say Mother Nature or Universe and it is all God but it helps me understand that I do what I need to do and stop trying to control and make people happy. So overall the weekend was an A. I was on my knees counting my blessings that no one got run over by a car, or tractor this weekend. It was fun bowling with my parents and they both laugh and have fun. That makes going to work this week and taking care of my own business a bit easier knowing that if I take care of my Job and do things like go to AA and get my oil change that I have time to spend with my parents bowling and watch my dad bowl 259's.

FRIDAY RANDOM THOUGHTS

As I munched on beef jerky instead of a sugar snack I just realized how much you have to be at peace with being or feeling miserable sometimes. I logged lots of hours in AA. I logged lots of hours dieting. I logged lots of hours in the gym. Lots of those things can suck. Like suck really really really bad. You to either learn to like the pain and boredom knowing that it is for a greater life in the future, or at-least be at peace with it. If it just sucks and you don't believe it is for a greater cause you will be skipping work and eating donuts very quickly. Lots of times that drive over to Raymonds is not fun because it stirs up emotions of being honest and it stirs up emotions that I don't want to be there because I could be watching T.V. I always try to be at peace with those feelings and I know that I can get better and teach people how to get better. Dieting, working out, with people, with comedy, with whatever.

Friday Blog

Friday I woke up and felt pretty good. I went for a 2-mile walk. I want to keep my mind on always working out and taking care of my body. I didn't listen to music because I wanted to create and enforce that habit of always walking or doing something everyday. My weight gain is really causing me to change some of my behavior.

Thursday was fun. Sporting KC played well and won. Besler and Colin worked very hard to get to the balls played in by Saspirilla. Toni Davale was on fire and scored a couple goals and Dom Dwyer added a PK as well. It was a great time by my dad and I. Matt the Engineer and Monica were there so that was nice that we could go enjoy the game for friends. I had to give a couple of my tickets away because Andrea and mom couldn't go. That is O.K. Aj Robine went and I have never met the guy but I can always grow the game.

The Royals play a huge series tonight. The biggest series in 25 years.

Walk 2 miles

I went for a walk today for 2 miles. It was nice. Hoodie and shorts. That is the best weather.

Wednesday and Thursday

Wednesday was a normal night at work. I am in the top 70% after a weird set of rules came down for management. They want to make sure our focus is just on the customer and not selling the next couple of months. I am a decent salesmen so it hurt me. Andrea gave me the text every man hates to hear. Her dog got hit by a car. I was glad that I was sober and there to help. The dog seems to being doing o.k. but who knows how that will turn out. I went by Raymonds today for my weekly Jam session of how life is getting better. We talked about the dog being hit and other things. He seems to be doing better and like my goal is every day I try to be patient and loving towards people. I also try to put myself in other peoples shoes. Tonight is game day for Sporting KC and the Royals did awesome yesterday. I talked to Bryce today. He is a man alright!

Thursday

Thursday I woke up and took a shower. I went to an AA meeting at noon. I was able to help some people. I had a good time yesterday at the Flaming Lips show. They sound better live than on the albums. They had plenty of trippy things going on. They are legends and the word of mouth about their shows held up pretty well. I would rate the show a B+. We were blessed with some great weather. The opening band was pretty bad. They had good songs, but the songs didn't sound finished and their lead singer was garbage and their backup lead singer was garbage, but the drums and (Two bass guitars?!) sounded good. They had a deep sound and good riffs, but like I said their front man and front girl was not good. I was able to watch some of Manchester United vs QPR. It was in Danish though. I was able to download the New England Revs game to my phone. I have UFC fight night 51 ready to watch after work. Overall it was a good day. I am blessed that my sister Sheree got me free tickets yesterday. Cortland ate a big slice of pizza. He beat halo OST as well which is quite a feat and one that I am not sure I believe. Tomorrow is Sporting KC vs Sparina in a CCL game. No idea how that is going to turn out.

My trip to Micro Center and other random stories.

My laptop didn't work last week. I think a bad cable was the culprit. So I ordered a new cable. Of course the new cable didn't fit. This is the third thing from Amazon that has flat out sucked. 2 sims games didn't work, one memory card lost from amazon, mp3 player dumped in water, one card shuffler that is the biggest pile of dooo dooo ever. I went to micro-center and I bought a cord and I sat down right in the way to try it out because the guys micro-center wouldn't let me try it out before I buy it. Anyway I guess I am glad the cord worked, but it would have been nice customer service to let me try out the cord before I bought it. I then went to a Shell gas station where someone stunk. I don't know if they passed gas or if they had been bathing in turds but someone stunk and I could hear these girls snickering. I turned around and let them know it was me and I had been eating taco bantito all day. They laughed even though I doubt they knew what Taco Bantito is. Should have gone with an in-a-tub reference.

Tuesday

Tuesday I woke up and I felt hungover. I had worked hard then came up to hang out with Andrea. Andrea always has lots of logs on the fire and is always trying to do so much that she gets overwhelmed. That is what it is like for lots of people, but instead of cutting out some of the stuff she just gets overwhelmed for awhile then goes back to work. I was proud that she listened to the mp3's I made on the trip. She dropped the mp3 player I bought in the water, but I knew that if she got some comfort out of the mp3's that it would be worth the time and effort that I put into it. I was pretty upset today as well. I stepped on the scale and I weighted 220 pounds. I just weighed myself at 210 pounds a month ago and I started to count calories. I lost interest in that when work became tougher and I began eating pizza, rice crispy treats, and chicken sandwhiches. So I mean I knew what I was putting in my body and now I am paying the price. I am going to go back to cutting out bread and carbs for today. One day at a time. It is hard to lose weight and keep it off. It is also hard not to beat yourself up. I really focus on work, keeping Andrea's house from burning down, and keeping myself going to AA and staying sober. So I am not going to get too upset about my weight. I still have lots of positives in my life and as long as I keep doing work I will be o.k. I am glad as well I have experience of getting back on the horse and I am glad I at-least care about my weight. I know lots of people completely give up.

Monday

This weekend was garbage for my sports teams. Sporting KC did manage to win against Chivas USA. I have been playing pick em and I almost won the damn thing this week. I picked Denver and the Rams to win with the total of those games being 75 and the score was 77. My fantasy team got killed. RGIII got killed. I was proud of myself for cleaning up Andreas house a bit and buying her flowers for when she got home. She had fun on her trip. I made her an mp3 with important speakers and other inspirational stuff for her trip and she said she used it. That made me feel good because I know how uneasy it can be on a trip. At work they stopped including sales and now me, keith, and ralph our stats look not good. I talked to my Supervisor and he said not to sweat it. He wants me to focus on this Command center they are building that I am going to be trained on. Life seems to be a game on who can stay calm and cool under the ups and downs. That is what I am reminded of all the time. Everyone is going to have stress and curve balls and being overloaded. Who can small chunk your day and not get all bent out of shape and remain calm and keep breaking up your days into small pieces. I felt good tonight and I went to Andrea's. The Royals pulled out a miracle win. Denny Matthews Called it. He said that this felt like a game the Royals were charmed to win. Lots of bloop hits and things going the Royals way. The Royals have found a way to win games and The White Sox have found ways to loose games. He has seen billions of games and he was right. I did laundry today and I watched L.A. Galaxy vs. D.C. United. I also listened to Flaming Lips. I am planning on seeing their show tomorrow. At first listen they really miss notes and sound not good, but I listened to them really hard today and they really grew on me. I really have to give music a chance. I hated a tons of bands first listen, but then they really start to get into your mind, then heart, and soul. Of course there are bands like The Beatles who by the time they are in the mainstream have a tight sound with talent. Sad to see Mo West lose, but Greg zurline with the winning kick for the Rams...He played for Mo West!

Weekend

At work they aren't including sales in rankings for the rest of the year. Which is bad for me because my sales are good. Bla...part of being successful is rolling with the punches. Andrea got home and I made sure I did my boyfriend duty by being there when she got home. She enjoyed the trip. Sunday I woke up not covered in throw up and not in jail because I didn't go out and party. I am going to The Champions League game on Thursday and I need to let my dad know about the game on Thursday.

September 11th

Yesterday the Royals really stepped up. They won and now I can start to enjoy the rest of the baseball season again. Great job by James Shields. They are back at it tonight. I woke up today with a jackhammer right next to my window. I was upset and started out the day horrible. I regained my attitude by praying a bit and asking God to show me the way. God said that the people outside are just trying to put food on their table just like everyone else in the world. Construction all over the place and sidewalks closed were trying to make me mad, but I hung tough. I was able to go for a two mile walk today. I haven't had a chance to walk because I work all the time and just keep up on my personal business. Tuesday I went for two small walks, but today I had the chance to walk my full two miles and it felt great. I got my football picks in this week. Denver winning and St. Louis winning with the total score of 75. I met with Raymond today which is very very very very important to me. I always want to keep the habit going of having another person check over to see how I am doing so I don't get off the path of success. We talked about my dads birthday party and how it went well and how the Chiefs suck and the Royals are doing well. I vow to work on a nightly inventory to make sure I write down that I have been loving to all, and thought how I can help others, and how I try to be unselfish. I was able to donate to the United Way which feels good. Often I don't feel good about donating, but I know my money will buy diapers and baby stuff for people and that makes me feel good. Overall today I feel better than normal. I am grateful not to be hungover and I love shorts and hoodie weather. I am glad that I have this baby laptop to type on. My other laptop isn't working and I hope it is just the power chord. I haven't checked my fantasy team this week, but I know I am 1-0. Jason and Sarah seem to be doing good. I went to Andrea's house while she was away yesterday and I really feel like I need a handgun when I am there alone. It is creepy as all get out. She needs a dog there at all times to bark when people are around. I am thinking about texting vinnie today because I have a feeling he needs a pick me up after the chiefs sucking. Bryce is a Mans man. I have been trying to get an internet chat party going during Royals games. It has been going o.k. Overall like I said I feel decently today. I am glad I don't have school or homework anymore. I am glad my dad's birthday party went well. I am glad my mom provided my dad with a good birthday party. I am glad and grateful I have running water and a toilet. I am glad I got the camping trip out of the way. I am glad Andrea and I are able to hit AA meetings and not be in jail. IF you knew how many people are in detox every week because of Alcholism it would shock you. It's like I live two lives....one of normal people at work who do ok for themselves and the other life of being around people who feel so spiritually, mentally, and emotionally sick that they have to chug booze just to survive. Sad indeed, but I do my part by staying sober, telling my story, and just being there to listen to people. I had a person sit with me yesterday at work and I was able to share my story about how I am in the top 20 in sales most of the time. I am grateful whenever I go to work I am almost always in the top 20 out of 100 workers. That is pretty good and I think that is a bit of luck, but mostly I take advantage of being able to get to work early and I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO ASK FOR HELP and always get better. If you aren't getting better you are getting worse. You have to always work on relationships, skills, money, attitude, whatever it is or you are getting worse. I am grateful for youtube and the internet. Even when I am tired and feel crappy I can listen to talks by motivational speakers and it gives me hope for the future.

tuesday

I have been praying for a bit of a break as of late because we are always busy at work. Today I was offered a chance to go home because we weren't busy and I took it. I went to Andrea's house to make sure everything was o.k. there. I took a glance at the weather and it didn't look good. I parked my jeep inside because it is my baby. You wouldn't leave a live baby in the rain would you...WOULD YOU??? I am praying for my buddy Russ tonight. I am active in Alcoholics everywhere and I know how much mental pain people go through trying to stay sober through tough times. He is having a rough time and my thoughts are with him. In tough times my plan is always to let Raymond or even my dad just tell me what to do so I take my emotions out of the situation and take action with a level headed person telling me what to do. I also know there are always plenty of numbers for me to reach out too if I am humble enough to use them. My dad's birthday is today and what can I say. He is the toughest, most unselfish, hard worker, good dude that I know. I have only heard good things about him and he is a hard catholic that doesn't try to "save" people. I have tried to take my work ethic, my giving back, and so much more from him. I also have a bit of his list of things to do down. One of the things that I have gotten from him that has brought me lots of relief is just a routine of boating or doing whatever. Boating or just the attitude of getting things ready for boating has helped me in other area's of life. I love that my dad always goes to work no matter what and he always has cool toys. My dad has always gained skills and he has always prayed and I think God has blessed our family with decent health and Cortland. I love my dad and I loved the game when it was pouring at sporting kc and we won on a Bunbury goal and it was so cold and I ate so much left over meat after we won. My parents also worked hard to get me to Leblond which I think kept me out of trouble, got me into football, and I met Bryce and the elder statesman. The Elder statesman pointed out important things my freshman year and continues to be a good Catholic person. I talk to people all the time that had a bad high school experience, but mine was mostly good with lots of friends that I have had for life. Lots of good people who worked a zillion hours on the education. I am grateful for the time I spent in the Ozarks. Sending me to Leblond I was able to hang out with kids who's parents had money and lake houses. The memories down at the lakehouses are some of the most special memories I have. I was young boozed up and just having a blast. I think that is the kind of feeling heaven will provide. Carefree and having fun. I have thoughts on heaven. I think heaven is going to be a state of mind and not so much being physical. It is going to be a euphoric feeling of wholeness with the creator. I have been praying a lot and I have tried to seek out a power greater than me because it is the only way I have a sense of ease. When I am not praying (Or taking my lexapro haha) I have a constant uneasy feeling. I miss Andrea a bunch. I of course don't understand how much she means to me until she is gone. She is a maniac at working, she is a great athlete, and a deep thinker. She provides me all the laughs and love that a person could ever want. She has a titanic amount of brain power that sometimes is truly a bit scary what she gets done.


Gratitude list: My mom made my dads birthday party a success.
Leblond
football
Royals
SKC
Byrdman
Elderstatesman
Dad
Mom
Running Water
Toilets
Airplanes
Snacks
Funyons

Tuesday

Tuesday I woke up in a bad mood. Construction and lack of sleep ruined my morning. I won my first fantasy football week. I tried to get my picks in for this weekend and the website was down. I am struggling to get a computer to be able to sync music and video with my phone. That has sucked. I am wearing a blue polo and brooks brothers pants. This is lots of money in clothes. I am glad my brooks brothers pants still fit. My diet has been crap as of late, but getting a bit better. I weighed 210 the other day and that was up from 196 in April. I have been struggling to just get through the work day and get to AA meetings so I am going to forgive myself if I don't hit my marks on my diet, as long as I am going to work and being productive and I am not out partying I can look myself in the eye and know I am doing everything I can to help the people around me feel good. I feel decent about myself. My dad's birthday party went well. I did everything in my power to heal and make sure his ribs were o.k. Someone else is mowing the lawn and I bought him a gift card. I didn't know I was supposed to give him cash, but I figure $60 bucks he can go to wal-mart and get a new toy or tablet or something fun. That is all for today. I have been selling o.k. I had a sell yesterday that I think wasn't going well I don't think the guy understood what he was buying, so I aborted the sale. I did what I think was right even though it cost me a sale. My conscience says I did the right thing. Character and doing good things is all we have lots of times. Prayers go out for my friend Johnathon he has cancer, prayers for the hungry people in this world, prayers to my dads ribs and his bowling stroke. I pray for peace as always in the middle east as well.

Monday Morning blog

The Royals did awesome this weekend. I hate the Yankees. My dads party went well. There was lots of people there and we as a family are blessed. The Chiefs were awful this weekend and so was Sporting KC. Thiery Henry had an awesome goal though. I ate lots of delicious food and my dad and I went for a long convertable ride. It was was boating without the boat day! I didn't get much else done but I did do some laundry and just vacuumed a bit at Andrea's house. I got my dad a card and a wal-mart gift card. It is nice to work really hard and buy things for other people. It makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.

Work

Today I sat with my supervisor Aaron. He wanted me to work on certain aspects of my work life. We did a review and he had nothing but good things to say. He said I related to customers as a human. That I was kind and professional. I could work on slowing down but overall he loved what I was doing. This made me feel good as I spend every breathe in my body getting better at work and at being patient and having compassion to people. I strive to really be cool to people and that way I know that I am doing my best to play nice with others. NFL kicks off tonight. Go team and or community college. I spend lots of my time during my day with people and I know that I need to be repectful and be patient, loving and tolerant.

Royals win again

Royals win again. I met with Raymond today. We talked about working out of service. It was good. I am going to lay down now.

Tuesday

Tuesday I tried a different selling style that my boss wanted me to do. We have these things called exeptions that aren't good and I am fearful that I may have gotten one. I will trust my boss that he knows better than me and that things will work out. Everyday and every way I am growing. The Royals won yesterday and sporting kc is on tonight. I went for a two-mile walk today and it was special because I added a walk around the cemetery. I added some speaker tapes to the mp3 which I am going to give to Andrea before her vacation. That is about it. The secret to life is giving!

Always taking action

I have some goals that I am always trying to achieve. I want to stay sober. I want to improve myself day in and day out no matter how small. I like to watch self-development videos. I want to master my state of mind so when I am in a bad mood I can change it on the fly. I like to educate others about all the educational mp3s I have listened to over the years. I know even though it doesn't always come out in my action I have listened to hours and hours of self-development mp3's and read lots of writing on the subject.

Labor Day weekend.

I had some goals to get accomplished this Labor day. I wanted to not get arrested. Not wake up Monday morning hungover, and not anger my girlfriend too bad. I was able to accomplish all three. What a great feeling accomplishing goals feels.

Over the weekend I went boating with my girlfriends parents. It was very beautiful out and it provided good pictures. I was able to enjoy Thunderstorms. Monday was the big day. The big day to head to Menards for the big Labor day sale. we were able to really see what they had in stock and enjoy ourselves.

Fantasy football

I was able to get my Fantasy Football in. As I look over my team I am listening to a blistering set by TOTO.
I got my picks in this year. I am going to hedge my bets this year. I am choosing the chiefs to lose to win and St. Louis to win. That way if the chiefs win and St. louis loses I will lose my picks but be happy as a pig in lenexa that the teams did bad.

I heard one of the best compliments I have heard today

I heard a compliment that really felt good. I often think that God speaks through other people. I heard a person say. "Ray why do you write so much?" I responded that I focus on one or two things and that I have ADHD and it helps me focus on empathy and compassion for people. She said that I didn't seem like I was the type of person that had trouble with people and I just looked to the sky and thanked God because I have been working so hard NOT to be a person that responds out of ego and out self-centerdness.

Friday

Friday I didn't want to go to work. I did a pros and cons list. The decision I made was that it was less work to go to work, gain experience, stay positive, help other people, than it was to call in sick.

I am positive around me. Sometimes people bother me with their actions. I just have to give their actions to God. I have came up with a special prayer for this. GOD PLEASE LET ME O.K. with whatever stuff people happen to be doing when they are bugging me. Speaking of bugging me. SKC and Royals were HOT GARBAGE YESTERDAY.

Thursday Gratitude List

1: I am grateful to be alive another day? What shall I do? Shall I play sims? Or shall I watch Tony Robbins videos on youtube?
2: I am grateful for a job. It is nice to have a 4wd Jeep Patriot with sparkly paint job
3: My parents!
4: My Sister
5: Cortland
6: Video Games
7: 40 Inch Screen Magnavox TV with Soundbar. It is Legit people!
8. Paul Van Dyk on the turntables
9: Guardians of the Galaxy. That move was DOPE!

PROS AND CONS LIST

I have been making more pros and cons list and making sure I write out lists and rank the lists from most important to least important. This way I don't spend my thoughts and actions on something that doesn't matter. Like here is an example of things that are important in my life.

Royals Playoffs
Sporting Kansas City
Church
Politics

Now after I rearrange them I can put them in the most important order to me and make sure I spend most of the time on the things that matter most.

Royals Playoffs
Royals Playoffs
Royals Playoffs
Church
Royals Playoffs.

thursday

Thursday I woke up and I was sore. I don't know why. I went to the gym to use the hot tub. It was o.k. I took some pain reliever stuff. I came home and tweeted and facebook'd until my heart was full of posts and likes. I then went to Hy-Vee and got some meat and some cheese cake. Tonight is fantasy football draft so I was a bit nervous, but I am making sure I get my game face on by getting the best in cheese cake and smoked meat technology. I was able to play sims a bit. I washed my clothes in a clothes washing mashine, I dried my clothes in a drying clothes machine. I was able to also play some sims 2. I am converting Portland and Seattle MLS game over to a file that I can put on my zune or on my phone. That takes awhile and it is really a chance to be patient and get that done. It is nice to watch some hot soccer action. I am really looking forward to the fantasy football draft tonight with some Royals and college football action.

I met with Raymond. We talked about doing good things for people. We also discussed how "Doing the right thing is it's own reward" If you do good things and don't expect worldly things back it helps heal people in a way that I don't think we completely understand. We also talked about my friend Russ. Russ is boozing away and not going to work because of issues at home. I pray to Jesus to come down with his spirit and save Russ from himself. I am currently listening to Paul Van Dyk. It is good to listen to Techno trance while working out. You can get lost into it because there is no stopping the groove.

I got used to making pros and cons list tonight because I wanted to go to the Royals game slightly tonight.. The pros going to the game...it is the royals and they are glorious
The cons...expensive...hot.....

I am going to the fantasy draft because I get to take my own diet coke and eat food and have a cheep night and for that I am grateful.

Thursday

Thursday I woke up and my body was sore as hell from what I am not really sure. I took some ibuprofen and went on with my day. Today was a big day because it is the day I meet with Raymond. He is doing good. He is heading to the lake this weekend for some awesome family time! I played some sims 2. I vacuumed today. I did laundry today. I listened to music and drove around some. I was sore so I didn't do much exersizing.

Sporting K.C. wrap up

Saturday Andrea and I showed up early to the sporting kc game. We got the seats that we wanted because we were way early. It was very hot. I was sad that the D.C. United Kits (jerseys) now don't have the Volkswagon logo on the front. My dad shows up and it drops 10 degrees. He is struggling with broken ribs because a Combine fell on him. Kansas City looks so good early on. Then it all went in the pooper. I like to think that since they had to travel to Mexico they drank bad water and all were sick. They got their asses handed to them in a sporting basket. I had fun and I yelled at people. We had a great photo bomb by two sporting workers. Classic Sporting.

The Cauldron was singing and made it a point to cheer even though they were getting hammered. Great show Cauldron. Championship level team from fans to players to front office. After that Andrea and I hung out in the grass and I played Matchbox 20 on guitar. I also had my shirt off. It was glorious and awesome. Glorisome.

Tuesday

Tuesday I was able to finalize a deal that makes me the owner of a fantasy football team. I went to the Library to print off the players rank. So kodus to me to giving an effort. I prayed for my dad and Jesus to heal his injuries. I went to work and some major bosses came in. I was feeling cocky so I sat right in the front row. Normally I don't really do that kind of thing, but I was feeling salsy. I sat in front and really watched body language and the way the the bosses carried themselves. My boss right now was in most of the slides. The proof is in the pudding and being positive in every situation is very productive. What I came away was with that my hard work being patient and loving with people helps our company be amazing. My team is always #1 and it was a big deal for me to come in when hired and go right to a team that takes winning serious. I was ranked 18th out of 105 people as of yesterday which is good. My quality scores is 98 which is very good...my FCR is not good and my voice score is 83.5

I want to make a mental note right here and right now. At the first of the month a customer gave me a Zero. I spent all the time I could asking for help and reaching out. I put a note up on my wall that says "SMILE" "THINK ABOUT YOUR VOICE SCORES" and since then I have gotten lots better work. I want to hammer home that if you do everything you can results will come as long as your approach and attitude is good.

I guess Jason had a big month. I felt good for him because he dresses well, he cooked at the picnic, he does lots of positive things. Plus he cleans the crap out of our apartment for which I will forever thank JESUS for.

After work yesterday I drove to see Andrea, she was mad because I wasn't very nice over the phone the other day. I will make a note that I need to be mindful at all times when I talk to her to be as nice as possible. I strive to always come from a frame of love, patience, and compassion when dealing with her.

It is my dads birthday coming up. What great times we have had cheering on the MLS champions SPORTING KC! Molly K is the best sporting fan on earth it is her birthday today.

Miata gag

In the move Macgruber drives a Miata. Someone told me they cracked up at the Miata joke. I was being all snobby and was like. The Miata was a gag....an on going "Gag" in the movie. There was no set up or punchline it was a gag.

Know the difference between a gag, a joke, humorous story, irony, a bit, a set, tag line and a punchline.

Tuesday

I was able to post on facebook my random thoughts. That makes me feel glorious and awesome.

I watched Macgruber yesterday. I am not sure I liked it, but I am glad I watched it. I Felt it should be better, but I think zoolander kind of sucks but people love that movie. So I am sure just for the references alone I needed to watch the movie.

8/26

Yesterday I went to work. It was o.k. I am 17th at work with 5 more days in the month. I am on track to bonus this month which makes me feel good. Thank God I am not in the Red and I don't have to go to work everyday and worry about getting "The Talk" from managers. I try to be cool and help people. Sometimes I get bored at work, but I have note book to write down, I have an 8 pound weight to do some wrist curls, I can keep busy.

Andrea started meditation classes. This is huge because I remember listening to Barry Long's album "Stop Thinking Now" It really hit home for me because my thinking and the way I coped with my own thinking really was making me sad and miserable. I have developed 4 years of ways of coping with my thinking.

I have been going for a bit more walks as of late. It really is fun for me. It is fun for me to listen to music, play video games, or text while walking. It makes me feel productive and entertained. It also gives me hope that the days are getting more awesome and not less awesome. Even if that is not true, the fact that I can feel like my life is getting more awesome is the main thing. I just want to feel good and entertained. If I can feel good and entertained in the moment I am pretty cool.

Janes Addiction fueld post

I am watching Janes Addiction on palladia..that are kicking all sorts of butt right now.
On Sunday I woke up and I helped these people who are friends of Andrea move. It was great and they really were thankful that I helped them. I told them it was no big deal. My body was made for physical lifting and crushing out long days. After that I went home to my parents to watch the Royals. I bought some tenderloins from Fords/Cabana. It was delicious...the Royals lost. I might have to blog an entire day about the Sporting K.C. game. They played so awful, but the game was glorious. I almost got hit by a firework and I took my shirt off in the parking lot. Alex Gordon for MVP. O.K. back on track for this blog. This weekend had good food like tenderloins and taquitos. It doesn't get more glorious than that. I am spending lots of time today hoping my dad gets healed by God. The riding lawn mower fell on him after he backed it off a ledge. He was sore, but he is a northsider and tough.

Saturday Gratitude list.

I woke up today feeling close to nature and pretty close to God. I was feeling nervous about work yesterday and I prayed a bit and I felt really calm and a voice told me "Stop being so nervous, if you died today you have done plenty...plenty of blogs to leave behind, plenty of jokes, pictures, music, etc" So I felt good yesterday. The last call of the day went long at work which could put me out of adherence which lowers my stats, but I made sure to not rush the call and I made sure to put the customers and other persons issues in front of mine. I am ranked 17th out of 108th at work and it has been a blessing and a relief to be good enough that I don't require attention to my supervisor. They are setting up a command center so people can monitor calls and my supervisor wants me to be apart of that. I have some fear I won't like it, but I will deal with it. I have to push my comfort zone. My team is #1 again last month at work. My friend Keith is a great salesman, Ralph the Rev is a rock of a man and of course our leader makes it a point to be positive about everything. We had food yesterday and that was nice. I get tired of spending 6 bucks everyday at lunch and it was a nice treat to enjoy some cheese and crackers. Tonight is the sporting kc game. I am excited. I was thinking about doing research about D.C. United but I don't know if I am going to get that done. I am going to write out a quick gratitude list.

Thank God my parents sent me to Leblond it gave me the best chance to not fall in with a bad crowd. My friends partied a ton but they had good hearts.

Thank God I played football and Baseball. I am still finding nuggets and treasure that I picked up about life playing those two sports. You have to be unselfish and you have to work through weirdness and pain to get jobs done. Getting the job done means more friends and money and it means being respectable enough. It is always a goal of mine to have myself be successful enough to where when people think about me they aren't sad causing them to be sad. This is a real thing.

Greed and Envy

There was some people next to me at the library. They are checking out 10 games and 10 dvd's I am upset about this because I want those games to be available to me. It is times like this where I know how to handle this. I just tell myself. "Ray...you just bought sims 2 the pets edition, you are just trying to be greedy and control other people" Focus on your own actions not others. I am going to smile and be patient with myself and other people today. I am going to enjoy a nice little sporting treat tomorrow as Sporting plays Handball United! (Also known as D.C. united.

Using the GYM and getting my moneys worth

I have been making a point to use the gym and get my moneys worth out of it. I feel my shoulders being a bit stronger since I am able to swim for a little bit. I was able to buy some sporting KC tickets for tomorrow night. Andrea and Dad is invited. Mom will have to let me know if she wants to go.

The Sims 2 Pets edition

I am happy and grateful I bought this a game. I often want love and attention of animals but don't want to actual get an animal. I am able to pop this game in and relive some of my old memories. To see pepper chase sheba around one more time well that gives me deep gratitude and love for my life. I am grateful my parents put food on my table so I could nurish my body and I could enjoy the theater of a dog chasing a cat!

Say hi to people. Be nice

Yesterday was a busier and more productive day than I first thought. I always see the same people at the coffee shop. I made it a point to introduce myself to a man that I always see. Networking and knowing people is so valuable but it is so hard to walk up and start a conversation. It is not who you are, but who you know. This is so true. I made it a point of emphasis to walk up with as good as body language as possible to say hello. The man's name was rick and I will start small and say hello every time I see Rick.

I went to Black Dog yesterday. I just chilled and listened to the Jack White. It was pretty good. I need to put new music on my MP3 Player.

Thursday Day off

I didn't get much done today, but I didn't do something silly like buy something I didn't need. So that is a positive. I also decided to go to the gym and go for a swim and use the hot tub. I haven't used the gym and I pay 30 dollars a month. So I made it a point to use it since I pay for it. It was very relaxing. I always get attacked by my brain at like 3-5 and I know what to do, just try not to do anything. I think it is just the low energy portion of the day and I am already bored of all my toys. I went to dollar tree and bought some pop and listened to Tony Robbins tapes and now I am home. Jason is replacing all of the lights making it more energy efficent. I also went to vintage stock and they are having a labor day sale. So I need to make a point to get over there.

Thursday

Thursday I met with Raymond. There is nothing more important I have to do than to have deep level life coaching! We talked about the picnic and how grateful we both are to be apart of a great group in Lenexa. I worked all week and it was grand. It was great making money so I can buy delicious steak! Andrea texted me...it is awesome how she texts me! I woke up and went for a 2 mile walk today. It is awesome the way I get up and go for a walk. It is truly a blessing to be walking!

The quality of your life is based off of your quality of communication.

Thursday and Wednesday recap

Wednesday I washed my jeep and I was able to vacuum the inside. I was glad to really put in effort to clean the jeep up. I think about the people who don't have the work ethic or the determination to own a nice jeep and it makes me feel sad. Oh well it was time to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Earlier in the week I begged for the mercy from Andrea and I really worked hard to humble myself. All that humbling paid dividends because we were able to go to chucky cheese. It was a great time. We played ski-ball, shreck pinball, I set the high score in Pop-a-shot basketball. Andrea has six months sober and what an awesome way to celebrate a new life without booze by going out and playing Shreck Pinball! After that we went for a walk on her land. She had cut out a path and we walked the path in a romantic fashion and the moon was inspiring our hearts to keep walking and be awesome. After a long walk it was time to watch the Royals and Sporting KC kick butt. The Royals are on fire. Andrea sat in her massage chair and got in the mood to play sims. On the sims we both got jobs and for some reason my player has to take the largest poops all of the time. In the sims she cooked me roasts and we both got jobs. I am currently hanging out and listening to the black keys. I love The Black Keys but I hardly get to go deep into their collection. Today is the day where I put some effort into listening to their full collection and not just the main songs.

Day off

A well deserved day off is today. After picnics, moving people, eating at chedders, mall trips and much more...I have the day off today. I woke up and made sure to text my dad good luck in his bowling league. I have no doubt he is going to have fun and the stories and friends he will make will last a lifetime! Yesterday at work was good. I really remained positive even though we were busy. I put a good effort into having good tone of voice and being patient and loving with people!

I woke up today and I might do "B without the B" That means I am boating without the boat. What this means is I get my jeep ready like I am boating with a cooler full of cold ones and I cruise around then I just drive back to my pool. It is a good way to have fun for a family on a budget.

2-mile walk

Woke up this morning with heartburn. I went for a two mile walk. Not being a total fatty with no walking or exercise skills would be bad. Grateful for walking skills.

Picnic and Sunday wrapup

Another year of the picnic in the books. We had good meat and good pop. I was in charge of getting the pop and I planned to get it before the picnic. I had my list ready and thank God I was prepared to get the pop. Hy-vee was a bit crazy, but I planned and I put effort to do a good job getting the pop. Thanks to my hard work everyone had delicious pop to enjoy and lots of people were coming up to me and saying "Thank you for working so hard to earn money so you can buy this delicious pop!" Raymond worked hard to put on the picnic as well and it went well. It was another day sober, another day not in jail, another day of not being hungover. Work went well. I had chances to really help people and be very nice to people. I love it when I get the chance to tell customers and people how much I love them. People often tell me I have the Patience of Joab. I am like it's o.k. one of the reasons why I take having patience so seriously is so I can heal people and not hurt them. After work Andrea wanted me to come over because she was having a brain attack. I know exactly what that feels like. I get confused and go into a mania state probably once every couple weeks. I think it's due to stress, but it's all good. The main thing is to ask for help when you go into mania state and Don't buy dogs, don't buy a car, start a new relationship, gamble, just clean or listen to music or pray. The key is to just let it pass. I got up today and I felt really good. I checked the police blog and thanked God I am not in jail today and thank God I can go out and be of service to heal people and not hurt them. The Royals and Sporting KC are on fire. I am so proud of the teams and I am glad I could buy a bunch of sports gear and really support the teams through the bad time. I feel good on the inside knowing that fans are an important part of teams success. THe MLS CHAMPIONSHIP last year was the final piece of the puzzle that is the Dynasty of Sporting KC, but this year they may add a supporters shield. They start CHAMPIONS league play tomorrow and I am excited to watch. I am glad to enter a stretch of life where I don't have to move anyone, no more picnics, and no more camping unless I really want to. I asked my dad if we could camp at the boat club because I would like to try it one more time. Nascar is coming up in October....or as I like to call it ROCKtober.