Welp. Since Salvador Perez is the Mexican Johnny bench.

JUAN BENCHO

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Alot of girls can't help themselves, once they see my leopard skin seats on my 1996 Ford escort, and the free passes to cosmic bowling. The panties just are coming off shots or no shots!

The Dog Days are over.

Even though the Royals lost yesterday, it seems they managed to avoid the late season melt down they always seem to go through. The ones with bench clearing scuffles, dropped pop flies, and Rey Sanchez getting a haircut mid game. Moustakas sucks right now, I don't care if he has a 24 game hitting streak, he looks uncomfortable as hell over at third. The good thing is scouts smarter than me say he will be fine over there, I think 8 hours of day working on baseball (Perfect practice makes perfect) and he will be o.k. Savador Perez continues to be the Mexican Johnny Bench behind the plate. Anyone watching the royals right now has real issues in their lives that they could be dealing with, but instead we do what baseball nerds do, we watch every pitch until the final game because we know it's going to be a long winter before we see baseball again.


btw flashmob has been moved to 12:30

Royals Monday

What is it about the Royals Managing job that makes coaches look like they have Aids. I am watching the post game and Ned Yost Infection looks like crap. The Royals hitters have killing the ball, Salvador Perez is the best defensive catcher since Johnny Bench, Alex Gordon Rocky Calaveto and Hosmer is Lou Gerig minus the terminal illness.


The weekend was OK. On Friday I worked really hard then hung out with some friends after work. People said I looked grumpy, well I was. I sometimes don't want to see anyone after work even friends. Saturday morning I woke up at 6 went for a walk went back to St. Joseph. It was very beautiful drive going through faucet smelling the faint smell of grass, fresh hair, and cow shit. I then met up with my Dad to go car shopping. My dad was really pumped and I wanted a new car. I planned on test driving 1 or 2 vehicles. I actually figured I would just go to ST. JOE AVE motors and buy a Le baron and cruise around the brown bear. What really happened is my dad and I cruised around until I started getting cranky. I was a bit surprised that I got 3000 grand out of my piece of shit car. That car was a piece of shit because frankly I am lazy, but here are some things that were wrong with my 2005 lancer. The large dent in the door from a hit and run, the thing just looked crappy. The Lancer also had hail damage, and shook more than Michael J. Fox after a pot of coffee. I really thought I was going to be the MITZ crossover, but I really liked the Jeep Patriot. It is boxy but I can see and it is comfortable. I really didn't do the numbers on how I am going to pay for this thing, it looks like I am going to eat some RAMON, Beans and wennies, and Tea for awhile. The vehicle is a nice rig and I sit in it for approx 40 minutes a day, so it is def worth it so far.

Hosmers eyebrows look like wasp wings.

Fun series north of the Border. Country Breakfast tore it up. He maybe DH of the year. People are belly aching that he should start to work out more. I say do what got you to the majors. What got him to the Majors? Eating Gallons of Tarter sauce.

Strike Zones in Canada

are large. I love for more strikes to be called, but the last couple games have been retarded. I would love them to call the high strike again, and institute some kind of "SHOT CLOCK" for throwing a ball and a batter being ready. People want to say Wahhhhh it's tradition that there is no clocks of any kind in baseball....well it was tradition to burn people who we thought were witches at the stake. Do we still do that? Hell no. Also baseball needs to stop when football starts period. No one outside of Boston and St. Louis likes baseball more than football. Toranto fans do come out to watch Bluejay games, but it is only until the Maple Leafs start their annual downward spiral to the celler in Hockey. Toronto Maple Leafs are the biggest sporting team in Canada and wow what a fierce Team name they have. You better get me some Sunlight bitches or I am going to turn orange and yellow!

Royals Game Yesterday

Every time I get to see a Royals game with my buddies it is special. Yesterday I hit on all the points to make me a happy Royals Fan. Homeruns By Country Breakfast and Eric Bombsmer. Good game by Chen V-Foundation, Byrdman, and Sammie Sandwhich all watched the game. To top it off I got to watch the game in HD on V-Foundations 62 inch TV. I hardly ever get see the games in HD, but I got to see a 4 foot tall Bruce Chen throw awesome right in front of my eyes. Byrdman and I also talked old school rollercoasters as a person on youtube used AUTOCAD to replicate the Zambie Zinger. Every nook and cranny of that loudass roller coaster has been recreated right down to the fake stone entrance (made to look like a tribe from Africa) or something. We also took a ride on the mamba through youtube, then we talked about NBA Player Popeye Jones and how he always came into camp out of shape. Ole Popeye Jones, never eats spinich and instead drinks gallons of Wine I guess.

I ate out to eat with my Mom, for lunch. It was lovely. I love Granite City. Their chicken Wrap was very tender, had tortilla chips in it, and wasn't dry at all. Very good. I had Brocolli on the side which was fresh and made me feel like I was eating trees.

No Nba this year makes me sad

I don't even care that much about the NBA, but grown men playing 82 games, while trying to party, take care of groupies, and manage how much they are going to spend on neck chains does. I love turning into NBA tonight and see how some dude took the night off against the Charlotte bobcats for "knee swelling" when we all know it was from "Too much Weed and Taco Bell. Speaking of which, Weed causes massive hunger, which leads you to eat stuff like Oreo's on pizza which ironically enough is former Milwaukee bucks player Vin Baker's favorite treat an after game snack.

Joe Randa on the Royals broadcast

Joe Randa just said the highlight of his time at "Royals Alumni Camp" was hitting against a dude in a wheelchair. I guess instead of the rosen bag the guy in the wheelchair went to his colostomy bag.

Friday

I got a new TV. It is pretty sweet ass. I didn't expect it to be this nice, but I would give the TV a B+ the only way it could be better is if it was bigger. I don't plan on getting HD for football or anything, I just got it because I needed a TV That wasn't embarrassing, but the one thing I have to say is I can't stop watching Entertainment Tonight HD because it looks good. Thursday that is what I did was put this TV together. The Royals and Chiefs are sucking balls. Thomas Jones and Baldwin got into a fight. ugh it may be an 8-8 season for the awesome chiefs. Ok back to Entertainment tonight. I am watching the worst dressed list. Woman should just wear black dresses if they are blonde. Red Dresses if they have black hair, and no dresses if they have red hair.

Hi My name is what? My name is Who?

Slim Shady. That is a Slim Shady track that I haven't heard since '99 but the Stolen Winnabagos played it the other day. Kind of weird hearing a Spice Girls Reference in the song. That brings up a good topic. Alter Egos of Rock Stars. Eminem is split up into two. The Chain Saw wielding axe Murder Slim Shady and the poor drug head Marshell Mathers. I like the Marshell Character alittle better than the Horror-core character Eminem created. Which do I like better? David Bowe or Ziggy Stardust? that is a tough call, what aout Beyonce or Sasha? IDK I don't listen to her much, Garth Brooks or Chris Gaines? Green Day or ???? that other band they are sometimes called? Pearl Jam Or Mookie Blaylock? Honestly Pearl Jam never goes by Mookie Blaylock, but I remember them being called that at one point and Wikipedia says that they are "also known as Mookie Blaylock" so I am just stuck calling them Mookie Blaylock.


p.s. Mookie Blaylock.


p.s.s Green Day's alternate band is Foxboro Hot Tubs

Royals Tuesday

Royals were busy yesterday, but I will start it off with this.

Jason Esposito signed with Baltimore for $600K, only about $900K less than what he agreed to sign with KC for three years ago before backing out after the Royals selected him.

The Royals just signed a bunch of guys for over-slot. MLB gives you guidelines for how much players should be paid, and we went way over that to ensure that young kids would sign.

We are so deep at SS and 2nd base and now with Starling the Royals should be trying to package some prospects for a front line starter. For what YOBALDO went for, the price is going to be crazy. If you want to know how much it is going to take to get a front line starter, it is probably going to be 2 or 3 front line prospects. Cain, Bubba, and Colon. (That is a ton!) I am just glad there some talent coming up.

Good Attitude

I remember driving somewhere to do service and it was way in the middle of no where, like over gravel, around barns, just way the hell out there. I remember thinking to myself, this place we are going to, they better have a goose that shits dollar bills. There was no goose though. There was no point of this blog, I just wanted to set up the visual of a Goose shitting dollar bills.

Thursday and Friday.

My thursday was full of bullcrap. Ususally I have thursdays night off so I can do grab-bag stuff like eat steak or tacos and watch sports, but I was pretty tired. I was able to go for a walk and call it a night. Friday I felt much better as I think my body was sick of my crappy attitude and finally just put me to sleep for along time. I feel refreshed today and ready to make Friday the best day of my life. The chiefs open up tonight, the eagles looked awesome yesterday. I am just ready for something else than the stinky royals. I watched an episode of The Wire yesterday and it maybe my favorite show even though it is old.

Wierd Jobs

Byrdman and I were out at Harpos discussing wierd jobs that we have had. Scrubbing pots and pans is the worst. I can't think of a number they would have to pay me today to do a job like that. It would be 6 figures atleast. The good thing at Belt Brewing company is that Aaron worked there, and we could ususally cause hijinks. I used to throw little cups p and shoot them with a high powered sprayer. Like a low risk game of duck hut, or a game of skeet shooting. Or Clay Pigeon blasting. (there are alot of ways to call throwing stuff in the air and shooting it) Our waitress said that the grosses job she ever had was a tanning bed. Sweaty cancer ridden folks being all greesy does sound gross. Ok switching gears. I told the waitress that she had a nice rack and I pointed to the moose Rack (antlers) that were behind her, and she didn't think it was funny at all, causing this silence. I think from that point on she thought I was a jerk haha. I think Byrdman liked both racks, me I just liked the rack on the wall because I don't care of the amount of awesome of rack on girls, if their attitude is not the way I like it, it is a complete turn off. Its all good though. We went on to talk to a bunch of people and later in the night Byrdman put his mack on a lady at a place called Harrys.

The Topic of Driving Genisis cars came up on chiefsplanet

and this is what is my review

"I like Genisis vehicles, there is something about them, an almost INVISIBLE TOUCH!"

Trust The process

I don't know many times I have heard this from Ned Yost Infection, or Todd Haley. Sometimes it gets old, but if you have a solid plan in place and you keep tweaking and making this better. You are going to be successful. Just like the old Parable about the Indian on his way to King Hill.

There once was an Indian. He was thirsty for Busch light and a bowling alley. So he set forth a long Journey from Atchison to St. Joseph. Along the way he ran into Missouri High Way patrol, water patrol, Donkey Patrol, he kept on changing his feathers along the way and he kept on getting by all the patrol. He even dressed up in a Barrel-of-fun softball uniform to fit in with 238ers. He eventually was killed by Mike Rucker, but his soul eventually made it all the way to King Hill Lanes.

Giovetella

Johnny Giovetella is better at the game of Baseball than Chris Getz. Though he is small he can hit to all fields and with extra base power. The royals also have a first round draft pick in the minors that goes by the name "Colon" I hope we package Colon for some pitching. There is some young talent all over the infield. Hosmer reminds me of Lou Gehrig with more power and less disease. Govetella reminds me of Joe Pecci from Goodfelles, but MORE MENACING. Escobar is the cuban drug runner of awesome. Mustakas kinda sucks, but with his good lower trunk (that is the kind way of putting he has a fat ass) he will have some power. The Royals will be awesome for a couple years if they get starting pitching.

Tanners

I had a tanners steak yesterday for 11 bucks. It was ok. I also got fries, nachos and bought Byrdman a couple beers. I dumped my problems on Byrdman. Then he dumped my problems over the wall. Like Billy Butler homerun. I then walked up to these girls and asked them if they were from Topeka. They said no. I said "Because my friend Byrdman and I went to Washburn once" Thought you looked familiar.

I've been feeling blah lately

My attitude hasn't been great lately. I just have to remember the more that I am of service, the better I will feel. Billy Butler has been on fire lately. I wrote some tips for having good text-game with woman. too often guys chit chat with girls over text that they are trying to build attraction with. You have to take your boring self and text your friends with that and be exciting with the girl you are trying to date. Nothing good can come from

Ray: hey whats up
Girl: nothing
Ray: what are you doing
Girl Not much watching tv

you see where this goes. It is boring as shit and you don't want to seem boring. Thats why I just txt byrdman
Ray:sup
byrdman: byrdman
Ray: eating pork cracklins?
birdman: of course
ray: sweet.

The Chiefs are being cheap.

I guess really winning for Clark Hunt is to spend less while maintaining a product that sells tickets, Merch and things of the such. The chiefs should have resigned Shaun Smith, and 2 defensive tackles. Maybe even Asumaugh. I am not a billionaire so I don't know what is going on in Clarks mind, I just wish either the Royals or Chiefs would come out and say "this year we are playing to win it all" both teams are aways building and never making a run. They have fans by the balls because nothing else satisfies me like a bunch of athletes murdering each other on the football field. Football is sacred. The Eagles and Patriots are going for it all, that is for sure. I remember last year my friend Bugeater claimed August was the crappiest Month. He might be right although Februrary and January are not good either. October is the most awesome month out of the year by a long shot. I would rank May Second April third. September forth June 5th July 6th November 7th Jaunuary 8th August 9th November 10th December 11th February 12th.

Dealing with Haters or general Grumpy people

This can often be tough. I know I have to deal with people who may call me "stupid" and I can't spend too much energy on those people because it makes me less effective. I ususally just try to say a prayer for them and move on. Like a shark moving forward (it's shark week btw)

I really like giving myself awards. Xbox 360 gives you awards for various things and they put it in a catchy phrase. Like when you steal a car in grand theft auto a box will pop up "Been Caught stealin" and it will play the janes addiction song. Here are yesterdays awards I am going to give my self

No gutz no glory
Donation is a great nation
Haters be hatin'

Weekend wrapup - byrdman - v -munkytrash

Friday. Wow. Long day. filled with work and tiredness. I was able to make it through. I ate some Zarda which was better than I thought it was going to be. Kansas City average Q is better than most Q indeed. I had the burnt end sandwhich with fries. Went to be around 9:30 because my body hurt. Saturday woke up went for a walk, then I ate something and went back to sleep. I was trying to figure out something to do and I just went down to Westport at around 7 pm to watch the Royals game. Some guys came into Harpos and did shots because they were going to a wedding reception. I told them how random it was for 4 young lads to come into a sports bar with no one in it. Do one shot of jack daniels and hit the road. They were nice and one guy even said he was going to adopt me. I got into other conversations with other people found out how to get to this dance club I had always been confused about. I guess there are chicks out there who like driving muscle cars because there were chicks hanging out with one very nice mustang GT and a Corvette and a Nissan Z. I know L.A. has a Nissian Z but I am not sure any other girl I know has a vehicle with the ponypower to go over 130 mph. The girl with the Mustang lit up the tires much to the delight of everyone watching. Westport fleamarket still has the best hamburgers in town. although |Zach| says they are overated. I was happy with what and how I handled Saturday. I could have done jack crap and stayed at home but I went out and mixed it up and talked to people. It just seems like my ability to be social is like an Escalator. If I am not trying to get better talking to people I get worse. Driving home I debated on to get taco bell, but I passed. On Sunday I went and played Softball with my friend Cody and 20 other guys. It was dangerously hot and we played for two hours. I was about the first one to quit but I stuck it out until someone else called it quits. I was glad I played because it is important to get out with friends and work together even if it means being out in the heat. I then went to dollar general and had a conversation like this

Dollar general: like a peacock
Demonepenz: do you know what a female peacock is?
Dollar General: no
Demonpenz: A peahen.
Demonpenz: Every other animal the male dresses up with sweet feathers, not humans though, guys put on a trucker hat nd a clippers jersey and call it a day.