Perkins

Just got home from perkins. My friend K has been getting numbers from girls and he is doing well at life. He has been getting numbers from girls and not passing out at the gym. I am happy for him and that is how mature I am these days is that I want other people do do well. This day was better than it has been. Still haven't worked out like I wanted too, but I am hopeful next week I may feel good enough to throw some iron around. I got this girls number and she is alternative like I like, but she thinks we don't have anything in common. It got off to a rocky start since our diets are different. So I asked her..you don't have to go meet up with me if you don't like anything I like. She still wants to meet up on Saturday and maybe Friday. I go Asian ladies phone number and she is cute, and I think she is giving me points for being white. I like her and I am going to see her on Tuesday. I texted this new york girl that I met awhile back to see if I truly have grown a set of brass balls. I was bold with her asking her and I to "Hook Up" she said that she wanted to go out for drinks, I of course don't drink so I am going to make a counter offer. If I see this New York girl and survive without pissing my pants or crying I will consider myself to be one hard mother grabber. So I do have some girls lined up this week and it is nice to jump back in after a disaster of a weekend last week. I still have the confidence to hit on girls anytime and anywhere (Hello ladies of perkins!) So it will all work out. With Kurt running hot and with me just being me I am hopeful actually I am damn sure we will have plenty of girls and fun with us for spring.

Kei Kamara is going to the EPL which is a bummer, but whatever SKC still kicks ass.
Royals come on get started already!
Vinnie Do your pushups.

Girls lie....big surprise...guys lie as well. I am starting to have a Bullshit detector. I think my friend Bride just wants to date me so she has someone to take her to see gangster squad. It is all good though...I am blessed to have people to go to Perkins with me and be silly for hours at a time.


49ers win the superbowl this weekend.

Growl Growl growl

I felt lousy again today. More character building yay. +1 toughness. I actually had a pretty decent night though. Just took it easy. I hope I can get back in the weight room soon, but I am in no rush. My friend Jason messaged me through facebook and he gave me good thoughts about my blog. It gives me an uneasy feeling when people pat me on the back, but I will be honest why it makes me feel bad. Sometimes if it is at work I am in fear that I can't keep up the good work, so that makes me uneasy. If someone pats me on the back about my honesty I think of the stuff on this blog that is kinda embarrassing. I then realize that I made a pact with myself to give less of a care what people think of me. I also know the more honest I am in my life with others the more I can see where I can work on area's I suck at. I also can cultivate the good things about myself.

New goal I am making it a goal to relax more in the upcoming weeks. I NEED TO WORK ON RELAXING. Really sit down with a meditation book or a guided meditation mp3. I have a good work ethic and that work ethic can be applied in really working on achieving deeper relaxation and more productive relaxation. Most of my relaxation seems to come while I am watching sports, but I think I can cut some of that sports time down and read a relaxation blog or a relaxation mp3.

I need to eat more red meat btw. The last red meat I ate was a bite of my dads steak a couple weeks ago. Red Meat has iron in it and iron carries oxygen to the brain. My blood pressure is good but I got volume depletion.

http://www.podfeed.net/podcast/Lifestyle+Chill/15081

the above is some tunes to chill out too.

Weird Start.

Yesterday I felt like crap all day which was frustrating and bla bla bla. No one listens when you bitch. I just did what it takes to make it through the day, which is I took in a bunch of sugar and just focused on my breathing. When I take my focus on my breathing and not the way I feel and try my best to be thankful for what I have, I have a shot at being ok with how I feel. I did get a call from my doctor that my blood work was fine which is cool because I thought maybe my thyroid was exploding or I had diabetes. I just had volume depletion which means I need iron and sports drinks. I just don't have enough oxygen getting to my brain. I went out with "K" after work yesterday and I approached one girl and she shut me down, her name was Kristen and she was meeting her youth group there. I did well not to insult her after it was clear she wasn't having any of what I was selling.This other girl that I was kind of talking to was getting high when I called her to hang out. Wow the quality of woman that I pick out.... So overall It was an alright night and I got one approach in. There is lots of bumps on my journey but it is my job to just learn from them and build character and keep going. I watched the US MENS NATIONAL TEAM play. It was boring as hell. Besler, Zusi, and Germanman from Sporting KC played, non of them had a big impact but Zusi did have some corner kicks.



The Journey...As I try to have the best mind body and soul that I can I have realized that if you get what you want short term, it just crushes your progress long term. Like the deal with my health, sure I could have crushed out some sets in the gym this week, but with my dizziness it taught me to be more patient and it taught me to call up a doctor and humble myself to ask HER see what is wrong with me. Most of my progress in my life is about humbling myself to ask for help and then making small strides to get better.

K seems to be doing well. As long as you have it in your mind that all you can do is grow and that nothing is actually "Yours" life seems to go ok, it is when you start to hold onto things so tightly that when you lose them you get crushed, that is what really hurts. That is why I am glad that lots of the stuff that I did over the course of my life were just tough to attain. I am ok with letting the things go because I know it was about the experience not about the actual item. I will say this, after going sober, getting rejected by a million woman and being rejected in other things in life, after feeling sick for a couple weeks, after passing out in the gym, after going back to the gym after passing out, I can safely say that I am not soft anymore. I guess I had it easy back in my 20's and now life is holding my arms up over my head and just being the shit out of my abs. It is all good in the hood. Today I am just going to think about how good I have it and reflect on where I was a week ago.

Bruised Ego and randomness

Michelle is a chiropractor who hangs out at the black dog. This is how this went down yesterday.

Ray: So did you get the endless cup so you can finish your work and hang with me?
Michelle: Oh you know it!
Ray: What are you working on?
Michelle: Oh I am going to be a chiropractor
Ray: Chiropractor? Why don't you just become a real doctor.
Michelle: Wow...really? ...Really??
Ray: Well I am just giving you a shit test because people are going to ask you this all the time!?
Michelle: Hahaha
Ray: So you obviously like me and my butt. Why don't we exchange numbers?
Michelle: I don't think so, but I will be up here most days
Ray: Ok take my e-mail address.
Michelle: E-mail...what is this the 90's?
Ray: Focus woman...just take it down before this gets weird.
Michelle: ok

Good interaction on a Sunday.


I have had a bruised ego for awhile now from not being able to work out, and getting shot down by the ladies like Mig-28's in the latter part of Top Gun, also general failure in my life has dragged me down. Bruised ego is like a bruise in real life. You can't mess with it..it just gets worse, you have to deal with the ache until it heals. Like a girl you like but she refuses to get off drugs, you just have to leave her be until she checks herself into rehab. I am actually feeling better today, which is good. Lately I have been worried I will never be able to work out again, I have fear that I have to keep a can of soda around me because I maybe diabetic, I just have all kinds of fears, but today I am free of those. I like to think God removed the fear because I pray, but I think I am just mentally tired of being fearful about those specific fears. I hope everyone does well. I am praying that V-Foundation does his push up challenge well. I know he is working hard and growing everyday. Paying the price to build an elite body!

Do you dance with girls or guys

This is a nice way of trying to see if a girl is gay. This is an example of how it has weeded out some girls who like girls.

Shanay: I need to see your ID
Ray: Why do I need to show my ID you need to show your ID?
Shanay: Why would I show you my ID
Ray: Because I need to know you are old enough to ride this ride
Shanay: Ohhhh yeah? *with this look as if is this guy for real?*
Ray:Yeah
Ray: That is if you dance with guys...do you dance with girls or guys?
Shanay: I dance with girls..how did you know I swing that way?
Ray: Any girl who doesn't make out with me within 5 minutes MUST BE GAY.

Saturday night

Saturday night was off the chain. K and I struggled to find a fun groove to meet people and dance, but we eventually worked through and had a good time.There was lots of things in play this night. It was pretty crappy out and people were just being rude when we were out. I guess people go out even if they are in a crappy mood and the only thing K and I could do was have fun and enjoy our precious time away from work and school.I got a cute girls number. When I say cute girl I mean she was probably the cutest girl that has shown interest in me in a long time. I am not expecting much, but I know it was a good night. I accomplished my goals of not texting Rude Mcgee from the night before and I danced with some girls. Trying my best NGAF if you catch my drift. I also hung out with Jason, David, Phil earlier in the day. I saw lots of people from St. Joseph out which I guess is not surprising because St. Joseph sucks to have a nice party out where you can dress up.

I still am getting dizzy. I am getting used to it at this point. I stop what I am doing and I get something with sugar in it like pop or juice and just take it easy for awhile. I hope I get my blood work results back and my fear is that they won't know what is up with me and I will just be dealing with my random dizziness and shortness of breath the rest of my life.

Keep pushing, get out get yourself some, when you want to quit go as hard as you can and grow.

Random Sports thoughts

PENGUINS (2-2-0) they are going to be ok this year. Crosby seems to be playing ok. They won't win the cup, but they will be good. KU played ok against OK yesterday. I think the 49ers win it all.

Saturday afternoon

This KU vs. Oklahoma game has been very up tempo. Tonight is a night where I plan to go out with Kurtis. Lately it has been a good time when we go out and I expect tonight to be the same thing. My only goals are to dance with a woman and not text the girl from Friday. I should be able to accomplish this.

having emotions but doing the right thing.

So often as men I really have to focus on going through crap but still finding a way to do the right thing. If I get a flat tire I might be pissed and tire but I have to make sure I do the work the right way and so I only have to do it once.

Yesterday was a bit of a ride but I am grateful that it happened. I was still dizzy all day, but I was able to do a load of laundry and get my hair cut. I really tried to take in a bunch of water I didn't work out because I guess that is dangerous at this point in time. I went out with my friend Liesel. She was very friendly and I always enjoy her company. I am in the friend-zone with her, but that is ok with me because well that is the only option I have is to have peace with that. I met another girl out and it seemed to go well at first, then a dude came in that was friends with them and he hogged all attention of the girls. I stopped having fun for a bit and I made the mistake of hanging around a bit too long. I should have left the instant that this guy was going to make it clean that I wasn't going to be able to talk to or interact with the girl I like, oh well lesson learned. I did get up and leave and I felt I was being pretty classy even though the girl and this guy weren't giving me much respect. So now is pretty much when I will take right action.

-The girl didn't seem to have much interest in me and was rude. She has my number and she can call or text if she wants to see me again. I know from experience that the wrong thing would be to text or today to see her again or come off as being needy. I put my best foot forward by having my haircut, being classy and charming, and getting out of there as best as I could. Overall if she doesn't get back at me she is doing me a favor because I got enough talking skills to move on to the next one. I have have to put up with the emotional sting for a bit. The reason why it stings for a bit is because she did seem rad and she did seem interested, so it not a pleasant feeling wrapping up my day yesterday. I am thankful though I can do better with my emotions so I can do some damage control on situations and not make things worse. I feel like I am being way to honest on here today, but I want to grow in not needing validation from woman/job/society. So I am doing my best to hammer home a decent plan on growth.

Friday

I have been bummed about my health situation, but not as bummed as if I had the full out flu. There is so much in my life that I can't control. The only thing I can do is really hammer home the positives in my life, and the fact that it could always be worse. I met up with Kurtis yesterday and we had a bit of a laugh at the black dog. He is a good guy and it is nice to sit there and talk about myself for 5 hours and make myself feel awesome. We then went to perkins, it is a big weekend for him. I am going to take some time off work today to see if I can focus on getting bottles and bottles of gatorade and water in me and also to relax. I plan on listening to spiritual podcasts and watching youtube videos of the ocean to help me refresh myself. Overall right now I don't feel to bad. I just have a burning desire to get out and talk to people, to look good, to get some money, to give money away, when I am not actively working towards those goals I get grumpy. I also like when sporting kc and the royals are playing, and right now they aren't. That makes me grumpy as well. Doing good..stay warm people and peace out. Oh I went up to girls with this line yesterday at the black dog

"Hey....How old are you guys?"
Girls: 23-26
What do you gals listen to?
girls: Like music?
Ray: no I mean like animal sounds...I listen to mp3's of orca sounds it is really refreshing.

my jam

Went to black dog yesterday with Jason. There was a girl that was there that was My Jam. She had short hair, some tats, she looked rad. I got a bit nervous because I go up and talk to hot girls, but rarely do I get one right in my wheel house. I went over anyway because that is what I do. I busted her balls a bit....That handwriting is slopping are you left handed? She replied "No" I go...maybe you should try it. She kind of laughed but then was like "Get away weirdo" with her eyes. When I left she was talking to her friends about me and I was glad I went over there and got her name. Thank you for your time Rad-Girl-Rachael.

what the hell...woah!

Today has been a weird day for me. I have the first part of it off because I am going to the doctor to see what is up with me fainting and being lightheaded. I was able to work out this morning. No issues...no real lifting weights until I see what the situation is on my health. I was able to walk on with no problems. I get to the Doctors office, it is nearby which is good, crying kids suck. So they do a bunch of things to me and update all my information, then they have me lie down, sit up, and stand while taking my blood pressure. I about throw up each of the times. I didn't feel bad earlier in the day, but they caught me right in one of my "episodes" so it wouldn't be so bad if I just get light headed, but I get sick as well. So I am lying down...pissed why the hell does this keep happening...the good thing is I was already sick so they drew blood from me for blood work. I start feeling better after that, because if there is one thing I always pass out on is when I see blood spurting out. So I feel better and drink some juice and now I will see if I am diabetic or what the deal is. I was glad it wasn't my lungs and I am glad I went. I was thinking about not going because I had been feeling better as of late, but I was glad I was there and I could show the doctor what is going on with me. The Doctor and staff were nice...hopefully I can get back to lifting and not just doing light cardio soon.

NFL playoffs thoughts..

49ers and Ravens are good teams for me to like. I like running the ball and I like good defensive play. My favorite player on both sides of the ball is Patrick Willis, but with Justin Smith and Aldon Smith playing so well people rarely even get to Willis. I wish Kapernick the best, but I think it would be nice for Alex Smith to get in and do something. He deserves something after playing all these years with one team and 10 offensive cordinators. I am surprised Flacco finally made enough throws to get to the Superbowl. He seemed to be one of those "Really good" qb's and not a "Really great QB" it has been a fun year once I was able to stop watching the woeful chiefs.

Juan Gone Bobby Convey Brett Perriman

This town has seen some shit free agents in my life time. Guys who were supposed to add to the team, but were injured, were sissys, or who plain sucked. Juan Gonzalez came in after a surprise 03 year and wasted no time to shit his pants in a Royals uniform in 04. He is a bastard and I was happy to hear that his balls fell off due to steriod use last year. Bobby Convey for SKC was supposed to be a winger who held the ball and had deadly crosses into the box. Instead he was deadly at combing his shitty hair on the sidelines. The crappy thing is when you play FIFA Convey is always good in the games, but he sucks ass in real life. Hopefully he does better this year. The chiefs had some crappy free agents as well. Brett Periman, Freddie Mitchell, Chris Chambers, John Welborne, and Donnie Edwards the second time around. I think we even picked up Zack Thomas for like one day.

Take care of business

Today I did a better job of taking care of business. I got up. I made sure I drank some water and ate some breakfast. I went to the gym and I felt much better today. I am thinking about canceling my doctors appointment, but I figure well I should go just to get checked out. I don't think it would hurt anything to get my vitals checked out. So now I am just trying to enjoy the moment after working out. I know for a fact that my fun time in the gym could end at any moment and I want to savor the feeling I get after ripping off 2 miles on the treadmill at a blistering 2.6 mph. I saw snack buns trainer girl at the gym today. I talked for a bit and she was very grumpy today. I laughed it off. It was 7 am I am sure she had shit to do and was tired as hell. Everyday in every way I am getting better and better. There are two perkins waitresses that seem down on their luck, hopefully I can get them over to black dog. Also V-Foundation has his boots on the ground and I hope he can keep some talking with a girl named Sunni over at J-Murphy's! I also got a date with a girl for next Monday, I am worried that she will flake out, but it is all good. I know how to deal with flakes and I know that I need to be focused on better things than a girl flaking.

Character building day

Monday was probably the worst day I have had for awhile. Every computer I touched today seemed to break. I was under stress all day, and I am still light headed. I decided that I was going to stick out the day. I have no idea what is up with my health, but I did make a Doctor Appointment. So hopefully it is nothing serious. I think I just really need to get vitamin rich foods in me because I have been lifting hard maybe I am malnurished. I made it through the day and I also went out with kurtis. Some girl told me this out

Girl: Yeah I am not into buff guys
Raphael: Ohhh that is why you weren't making sexy eyes...because I am so Jacked!


So the day sucked.. Sucked really bad. I was able to build character and hang with Kurtis, Von German, and Jason. So it wasn't all bad I guess.

growl

Woke up today hit the gym. Get on the treadmill to warm up. Start getting a bit dizzy. Get off. Do a light set of bench, start getting dizzy some more. At this point I am pissed. So I get out of there get a banana and an almond snickers and I am annoyed that I am taking IN calories instead of burning them. I go home and lie down for a bit, start to feel better. Go to gym...walk 2 miles SLOWLY..I mean really slow grrrrr. Midway through I start to feel better. So now I guess it is for real. I have to eat some complex carbs, sugar, or a sports drink. I think sports drink has the sugar and hydration I need from feeling dizzy. I don't know, but I know all this builds character and atleast I am not dizzy now and atleast I got through 2 miles of my walk. Now for I can go be of service to the world.

I saw the Snacky Booty lady that works at my gym and my instincts told me to hop off the treadmill and ask her out, but I was a hair too late and she left. Even though my blood sugar is slow, it doesn't mean I can't hit on the ladies.

Saturday and Sunday

After passing out in the gym on Saturday I spent most of the day watching youtube videos of people passing out in the gym. Hey I guess that is how you know you are working out hard in the gym if you are willing to pass out. Saturday night saw my patience tested as "The Byrdman" wanted to go out with me. I had to wait around for the hours to count down until I could go to "the byrds nest" to get him. V-Foundation was there and yeah he looked very thin and healthy. He has been working on his health so it was nice to see someone putting in hours of work in and getting results out. There was a girl named Sunni working at J. Murphys that looked about my speed. She said she would go out with me, but she may have been lying. "K" and Byrdman and Lesil and I all went out to westport and danced. I saw a bunch of people I knew. I got two phone numbers and had a great time. It seemed like just an OK time, but looking back on it..it was really fun.

Waitress: Would you like a refill?
Raphael: Yes my phone is out of your number, I need you to fill it up.

"K" got some numbers and at the end of the night non of us were arrested and we didn't get punched in the face. I call it a good night.

Sunday I woke up and went for a walk and went to St. Joseph to watch football with my dad. He fed me twice. It was nice to talk nutrition with my family. I really put in an effort to use the mindset as "Food is fuel..not for fun" It was nice to see my family put forth a big time effort to count points on weight watchers diet. It isn't easy, but the long term results are awesome. Being on a diet builds character, prevents disease, gives you energy, and it makes you look better. It just takes so much sacrifice and effort that it can suck short term. We went to San Jose steak house and my mom and dad got some steak and baked potatoes and I got fajitas. It was good and I felt I ate as clean as possible that day.

Humble Pie

Every once in awhile. The gym will hand you your ass. That was today. I woke up and I felt ok went to the first 24 hour fitness. It wasn't open. Went to the second one. It has a pool and a basketball court. It is nice...seemed like a normal day. 10 minute warm up stretch. Some controlled squats. 1 set...good...2...set...good....3..set...good..4...set good....ugggghhhhhhhhh stars/breathing/coughing/nap time. I was able to lie down for awhile and I must have looked like crap because a trainer was over there quickly. I was light headed and seeing stars. He gave me a candy bar and I was back moving around after 30 minutes or so. It was embarrassing to say the least. My lesson learned is I will probably just do leg extensions and leg curls from now on. I also know by experience that many people have this happening and it comes with the territory if you try to build muscle. Building a body takes blood/sweat/tears. So I was blessed to not pass out completely and hit my head on something, and I actually felt better and went for a walk (after eating a banana or two) Now I feel better and have energy. So there is some character building for you!

The day seems to be productive so far. Like I said I have energy (which is rare) I started a load of laundry and I might clean my jeep.

Dad and leaner

My dad came down to visit me on my break on Thursday. It was a wonderful and glorious time. I had chicken salad and it was very delicious. It had spinnich in it which really fueled me to be the best person I could be. I have been trying to get leaner. One thing I noticed is you really have to step up your calorie deficet each day. You can do that by eating less and less each day or working out. I am not talking about going from 2000 calories into 1000 calories in. Just go down slowly. On the flip side adding lean mass helps you burn more calories at rest. Also if you walk 2 miles a day, next day try walking 2.1 miles today. I try to do that. I walked 4 miles today, maybe tomorrow I will try 4.1 miles. Everyday just try to push your limits and get out of your comfort zone. I went to black dog yesterday and met two girls, I didn't want to go talk to them, but I decided I needed to get out of my comfort zone. So when someone asks me "Who wants to grow today? I always say "RAY WANTS TO GROW AS A PERSON TODAY"

Wednesday and thursday

Yesterday I went to black dog and hung out with Kris Von German and Jason. Nothing big happened. A blonde engineer shut me down hard core. Then I went to perkins with "K" and Bridy. It was pretty fun and we had some laughs. Girls sometimes smell bad after work. That is all I am going to say about that day. I had some scrambled eggs. They were expensive.

Thursday I woke up and worked out. I did Biceps and my back. On Lat pull downs I guess it is illegal in the gym to go behind your head. I guess one too many people have gotten injured. I went behind my head with the lat pull down and the alarm went off. The "Bad Form" alarm I guess. It went smoothly and I didn't go to failure which I don't know is a good thing. I made it through my workout with time for a nice walk at the end. I thought I was only going to walk one mile but I ended up walking two. The workout was marred by my stomach. I had salsa with chicken late last night along with those eggs and that was probably a bad idea. Everything is going well and I seem to be at peace today. My dad is coming down to buy me a steak. That is def something to look forward to.

Tuesday and Wednesday

Tuesday was ok. I think I was able to complete my 16/8 (16 hours of not eating 8 hours of eating) so I did what I was supposed to do as far as my diet is concerned to try to add muscle. I can see why people do the 16/8 deal because it gets old taking time out of your day to eat and it also gets old bring 6 boxes of tupperware full of chicken to work everyday. I feel stronger and I have more energy. Especially in the mid morning. I guess you get out of life what you put into it. If you put water, spinich, and tuna in your body, you get the fuel to whip ass all day long. Tuesday night I went and got coffee and watched the beginning of The Wire season 3. I have felt pretty good and I am truely blessed.


Sporting KC-Nascar-Baseball are almost upon us!

Fasting-Character building-Grab Bag

Fasting has been around since the times of Jesus. I do not enjoy fasting but I see it as a way to really become mindful of what I put into my body. It brings me closer to God and it also makes me pay attention on what is going on with myself. I am not talking about a long fast. I am talking just not eating between meals It also helps me because I don't really enjoy trying to stop snacking if I start. So when I am fasting (which for me means don't snack between meals...eat at certain parts of night... It really helps me build character and integrity. Am I going to cheat myself, others and my body by cheating on my fast? Or am I just going to give my thoughts to God and let him mold me. I strive to think how I can help others during the days. Not thinking about how many chicken planks I am going to eat at Long John Silvers. Character building is something that I really want in my life. Honesty, integrity, growth. Those are important with me and body building and diet really help me see if I am being honest with my self. They help me see if I am cheating, they also help me see where my thinking needs to get better. The benefits of a clean diet and a good work out are awesome. You get a clear, strong, healthy mind body and soul.


Grab Bag thoughts: Character building....going through pain because God is molding you into something greater. Taking care of yourself, but being mindful to help other people. If you can't help other people don't hurt them.

Sunday and Monday morning

Sunday was ok. I worked out in the morning and I was pretty cashed out most of the day. I would rotate from watching football to laying down in my bed. I did meet up with LC later on in the night. She ate nachos and I stole some off her plate. I consider that a good deal. This morning was leg day. I was trying to stay focused on what my body was saying, because I can't lift weights long term if I am injured. It went better than the first leg day, and my legs feel like jello, but don't outright hurt. So I take it as a good workout. There are people in the gym who are 70 and still lift some weights, so I hope that is me, because I like doing tasks and getting the blood flowing. The NFL games yesterday were pretty good. Tom Brady is going to win the super bowl it looks like. Cementing him as the best QB to ever play the game. My only thought of the day is about working out 80% of the time when I am working out it is a normal day. It is enjoyable 10% of the time I love it, it feels great, the 10% that it sucks I have to do everything I can do work out and get it over with. I have to get those habits imprinted in my life if I want long term health.

Adding lean mass and saturday wrap up

70% of all calories burned are when you are at rest. That is why you have to get your lean mass to grow...so you can burn more calories when you are just sitting on your ass watching the NFL Playoffs. So I have been making an effort (quite a large one) to eat more protein, less carbs (but some) and good fats (Nuts). I have seen some pretty good results in the gym so far as I feel stronger and I can do more reps. You get out what you put in and no where else is this more true than your body. If you keep feeding it trash you are going to get trash results.

The Pork skins are not healthy, but they are non carb source of junk food. So it is better than funyons, but not as good as just leaving out junk food all together. Some cheating is better than no cheating then going on a binge...in my own humble opinion.


Saturday wrap up. What seemed to be a quiet Saturday turned into one that got out of hand. I met up with "K" and we were at black dog. I quickly started talking to people even though there was some band playing. That turned into us daring each other to go up and sit with different people and talk to them. I got a girls phone # then she texted me that she couldn't text me because she had a boyfriend. I will never understand females, and that is a good thing, it keeps me entertained. "K" and this "Young new guy" that joined our group were just talking and yapping all night. I loved every minute of it. We then went to Perkins and just chatted and horsed around in the night. "K" is really growing and developing fast into an outgoing person..I love that he brought a new guy into our mission of getting out of ourselves.... I myself am on a mission to stop thinking about myself all of the time

The night ended and at perkins our waitress was my jam

She was a lady with big black glasses, cute, and attitude. She was slightly annoyed with my antics, and she shut me down when I programmed her name into my phone and I handed the phone to her, but whatever. I did my job to do my deal. I am sure I will be back to perkins.

Carving my legacy. My legacy will be of effort, heart, and getting your ass up when you are knocked down....I love the way that some people also buying into it.

It is a nice Sunday and I plan on watching sports and folding clothes today.

Friday night

Friday day I took care of business. I felt pretty good going into the night, even though that I am ALWAYS cashed out on Fridays. So I am getting pretty anxious to get some black dog coffee and spend some time with Jason. He is doing well and I plan on going to Mi Ranchito and maybe go out downtown to go out with "K". Jason decides he doesn't want to go out. "K" and I struggle to put the gears in motion to meet Cody at Mi Ranchito, but it eventually happens. I try my best to let "K" do the talking because he gives me a chance to really focus on what he wants, that provides me with freedom from my wants and cares. I go to Mi Ranchito, "K" gets along with everyone, he checks out some of the hot girls I know, doesn't make a move and Cody tells me that he is going to a club to dance. Then I find out that he is going to the SAME club I was going to. God works in strange ways. We meet up at the union downtown and "K"-Chance-Cody-and I dance and just listen to loud music. They play some electronic music and hip hop. I got a couple numbers from girls because "K" and I just dare each other to meet EVERYONE POSSIBLE "K" gets a girls number and I doubt the numbers turn into anything but it was a nice night out to dance and be silly.

Thursday and Friday

After waging war with myself on Wednesday. Thursday and Friday seem to be going sooner. It is hard enough dealing with the outside world let alone fighting with yourself. I am thankful I see clearly when my inner self is trying to be a wuss. Thursday night workouts went well and I went up to black dog with Jason. It was a rare time I didn't approach a girl there. There were two girls but they seemed sucky. I should have said hi anyway, but hey you live and you learn. I woke up today and went to the gym. Today is my off day for lifting and that was a welcomed sight. The PT told me that this is a heavy schedule I am doing and I laughed, but now I can see day in and day out pushing around iron well... it gets old. I worked out and it went ok. I really saw a vision of myself in 6 weeks telling myself to push. That 6 week future Ray sure seemed to have lots of money and babes! He also looked like he was giving away his time/money/energy so he and other people could feel awesome. I didn't have to dig real deep to get the workout done today, but I got it done and I pushed myself. I also used my imagination to help me get through the work out. You often hear what a mental game sports are, same thing with working out. I am constantly finding reasons to feel good enough to go on, or I am looking at possible pain if I quit. Don't quit!

U.S. is awesome....Grow your work ethic....listen to people who have already carved a path you want.

Breaking up the band!

As if a woman breaking up Rocket Panda wasn't enough, they are breaking some of the people up at work. There were a bunch of people freaking out, but I am at peace with it. I will go where my skills are needed most. Wednesday was a weird day. It was just people freaking out all around me for what seemed to be all day long. Luckily I had spent time battling my own brain earlier in the day and I just decided to LET GO AND LET GOD. Thine will be done, NOT MINE.


Kansas won a barn burner yesterday. Ben Mac is the best player in the country. Bill Self has more conference titles than home losses. That stat is amazing. Lakers still suck....Hockey is back...no real sporting kc news. Kris Von German came over for a bit yesterday. He seems to be doing well for himself. NBA 2k12 is getting on my nerves, but it is still fun to build my character.

Thine will be done. Not mine.

It is amazing how you can pray "The Lords Prayer" really mean it, then take back your will after a couple moments. I always think about how awesome I would really be if I did God's will all the time. I see clearly now when I am taking my own will over. When I screw around and don't stay focused during the day, I am taking my will back. When I choose to sleep instead of going to the gym and working out, I am taking back my will. I am working on turning my life over to God but it is hard on days like today, my mind said "You are tired, don't go to the gym. It won't hurt to take a day off" I know that is a lie and that when I don't want to go the gym. That is when it is Crunch time. That is when it is most important that I get my ass moving to the gym. I am not saying God is instructing me to go to the gym directly, but I do think he wants me as healthy as vibrant as possible. The only way to do that is not listen to my unsuccessful brain. So in the end I went to the gym and did squats. It didn't feel good and I was frustrated early on, but I worked through it by talking to myself. "This is when it matters most to move forward, I need to imprint good habits, whatever it takes to keep coming back, heart body and soul into everything you do. So there you go...I saw Scrumpy Butt there but I didn't talk to her because I was too busy have fight with my brain to wage war against weights. One of these days I will actually ask her out. She did say hi to me.

I guess my willingness to pay the price and talk to people and improve my communication is paying off. Jason said yesterday how much more relaxed I am than I was 6 months ago. I strive for progress not perfection.

Lots of stuff to excite a nerd like me.

I love growth and I love watching other people push and grow. My friend "K" is really doing well talking to everyone and being social. I knew a couple years ago that one of the reasons I was always felt blue was because all I thought about was myself and I really sucked at talking to people and listening to what other people had to say. He said he talked to people in Mcdonalds and talked to people around and my heart felt really good. I know every time you talk to people and ask them what their passions are it gets you out of your head and you get to be better at conversing with people. You get more chances to be of services, you can inspire people, and you can free yourself from your own bullshit worries and fears. So "K" is going back to college (He is 21) I hope he gets out and continues to talk, smile, and push himself out of his comfort zone. Good for him! My friend Jason, Bridy , and T-Bone have been hanging out at the Black Dog. Things have been going ok for us all. We aren't kicking total ass, but we all seem to have a peace of where we are at in life. Jason does some funny ass stuff and he is really a blessing to have around. Sometimes I don't want to go to the black dog, but I try to think about him or the fact that I really need to enjoy all the good company I have right now. I have been hitting the gym of late. I don't want to but I know you get out what you put in. I also know to be a Griffon means something. Griffons don't just go to the gym to troll for chicks, we go to work out and troll for chicks. Actually I haven't really seen any chicks there. It has been some old farts and I in the morning. Old Farts love to do the row machine.I have been putting in an effort to eat more baked chicken, tuna, and fruit as of late. You get out what you put in and I am sure that better fuel for my mind and body will improve my quality of life. It is amazing how sugary sweet an orange or banana is but I shy away from them and instead eat something dumb like twizzlers. I am at the turning point with my diet where it's like I am either going to eat as healthy as I can or not. Half assing it by eating tuna then eating chips just seems to yield no results. I am not going to beat myself up over it though. I am trying my best to grow and to eat better, be better, grow spiritually, etc... All I can do is put in a big effort to be my best and keep moving forward.

I will never understand why girls give me their number, but then later I find out they have a boyfriend. They just want attention I guess. All I can do is have positive thoughts and move forward when that happens.


KU is good at basketball, 3 sporting KC games were named to the national team, and Alabama won a shitty national championship game.


Chiefs Hire Andy Reid. He kinda sucks, but oh well...better than what they have had.

Tats and attitude.

Me to this lady with attitude and tats

Raphael: So if I talk to you are you going to stab me?
Girl w/Tats: hahaha that is the best pickup line I have ever heard
Raphael: It's not a pickup like I am Fearful for my life!

Thought this was a good quote

#9 Resolve to be the creator

What is the outcome you want? What stands in your way? How do you overcome these obstacles? These three simple questions will keep you from being victimized by any situation. Creators change the world. Victims just bitch about stuff.

A dream come true.

I want to stay inside sometimes. I don't want to push myself to go out and network and talk to people. It is hard work to strap on my shoes and make sure I am out making people laugh and not thinking about myself. Sometimes to get myself to go out I think to myself "One day someone else is going to enjoy the fruits of my labor along with me" Yesterday was that day. I had met a young man "K" awhile back and yesterday he wanted to get out of his comfort zone and meet people. I told him that we were going to go somewhere and dance for 30 minutes and talk to everyone. We did that and we really pushed ourselves to talk to everyone we saw. This will help be more social at work, church, and school. It is important to make eye contact and be friendly. You just have a better life when you are outgoing The dancing part and not caring what people think is really what I want my life story to be. I am carving my legacy and I am making sure to push myself and others to grow.

The games yesterday went as expected Green Bay won and The Texans won. Ho hum. NHL hockey is back ho hum. KU vs. Temple today. Ben Mac is off the chain.

Use the best tools to get the job done

I am learning and watching success videos. I saw what I always thought was correct. If you are trying to get to the goal, use the best tools. If you have spiritual goals use the best priest/rabi/minister you can find, if you are trying to add muscle find a person who packed on a bunch of muscle, cutting fat same thing. Financial goals you find the best person with money. It sounds so simple, but the price of time/money/energy spent to find and hire these people are expensive. In the long run though they help you get through dark times to keep marching towards your goal.


Friday was alright. I worked then went to black dog with Jason. I used the construction worker trick to get some girls to sit with us.

Raphael: HEY!! HEY!!!! What's the story with that coat?

Girls: It's coat...*girls turn to each other and laugh*

Raphael: Well you better sit down and tell us about what makes that coat so special

girls: Laugh.....and sit down.

So there you go a nice little instant date for me yesterday.

Whatever it takes to Grow.

I woke up on Friday with the same "I'm too tired" b.s. that my mind is always giving me. I am too tired to go to the gym, too tired to go to work, to tired to do anything. I told myself "Let's get to the gym and if you can't go you can't go. I get to the gym. It is cold as hell out and I start my deal. There is some sort of workout class beginning to start. "Arrrg I want to try something like this out because it seems fun, but I don't want to today arrrrg" Screw it..I am going to be like a 5 year old grabbing candy I am just going to do this So I asked the lady if beginners can do it. She said.."Yeah grab bla bla bla" The next hour of activity was embarrassing, frustrating, and it really tested my will. I did grow in the fact that.

I didn't care what these people think. I need to try new things and give it an effort to grow.

This is my first hour of doing any workout like this, everyone sucks when they start out

I will grow my heart and my effort in whatever I do.

I made it through this workout after wanting to give up after 5 minutes and I will be honest I was so mentally and physically tired I didn't want people even look at me. Next time I do the pilates, bootcamp, aerobics, I will be better because atleast I will be more comfy with my surroundings..

I think this experience will also help me if I want to take ballroom dance lessons or something like that. I understand deeply the amount of effort it takes to try new things and to be willing to look bad when you get started at something.

110%

I am always looking to increase my work ethic. I am always seeing if I can put some extra effort in. Life is short and the more you put in the more you get out. So today I wake up and I am like....man I don't want to work my back and my biceps out. Now you would think bi's are fun to work out but not really. I like tri's better. I put in effort to drag my ass to the gym..when...well hello nurse. The girl that was signing up new people was kinda cute. So I work out and I don't think anything of it, now if she came by me I would probably talk to her, but you know it is 6:40 AM. I am not going to go up to her and really lay on my Game. So I put in good effort to work out, I mean knees shaking effort. I then am walking on the tredmill and I see her playing on facebook. Meh..mine as well go over there.

Raphael: So ...how does it feel to be able to wear sweatpants to work.


ScrumptiousBootygirl: Ohhhh it is really nice

Raphael: I bet you just go straight from here right to the couch and watch reality shows.

Scrumptiousbootygirl: *Laughs* oh yeah...sometimes I don't even take a shower...

Raphael: So what are you doing, you look like you are messing with facebook.

Scrumptiousbootygirl: Yeah I am waiting, I teach class here.

Raphael: Rad.. whats your name?

Scrumptiosbootygirl: My name is Scrumptiousbootygirl Yours?

Raphael: Ray

*handshake*

Raphael: Do you have a business card?

Scrumptiousbootygirl: Yeah let me get you some *Drops business cards over the floor*
See I am working you out hard already

Raphael: Yeah? My back is alittle soft thanks!

*Exit stage left*

So anyway thanks to my effort to always give 110% I got to meet scrumptiousbootygirl.