Monday

Monday morning is upon me and I am thinking about X-box 360. I am looking for ways to keep myself in a brighter mood when over at Andrea's and not let the chickens pooping all over my jeep bring me down. I haven't decided what I am going to do, but I am enjoying thinking about the possibilities of new games to be had. Just thinking about playing such games as "TEXAS POKER SHOOTOUT" in awesome 720P on Xbox 360 is giving me a smile on my face. Realistically I know that I need to get by on less and I probably should listen to Andrea talk about backsplashes and property brothers, but in my head I am thinking about VIDEO POKER TOURNAMENT FOR XBOX 360.


I went to an AA meeting last night and I did what I could do to get another day not in jail, not being a buttmunch, and not waking up in jail with a hangover. We talked about doing things you don't want to do on time. A man said that he was able to go to Concordia kansas this week to visit his in-laws because he loves his wife. It was inspirational. I am selfish and all I think about is TOURNAMENT POKER FOR X-BOX 360!

gratitude list.

Since today was a bad day with a bad mood I am really trying to fight not buying a new XBOX-ONE or going to the Casino to get through the day. So I think it is time for a monster Gratitude list today.

1:)My Parents helped me out everytime I need it. Also they are cool and easy to get along with.

2:) God blessed me with some great times down at the lake of the ozarks with great friends.

3:) Bryce and I had so many good times that has helped me with lots of tough times.

4:) I am grateful to have Raymond as a sponsor and I am glad AA was there so when I was ready to be an adult I could give up control of my life.

5:) I am grateful and thankful for David D. and Anthony Robbins. They gave me lots of hope when I was down with life.

6:) I am thankful for the Royals, Chiefs, and Sporting KC. They were able to really help me get my mind off of awful things.

7:) good relationships with my grandparents while they were alive.

8:) I was lucky enough to play football. I hardly ever meet people that play varsity football and was tough enough to stick it out.

9:)Roof over my head, food in my mouth, water, diet soda, meat, the gym.

10:) Missouri Western Football

11:) My first job out of college for getting me out of St. Joseph.

The Royals 6/29

The Royals took advantage with some bad fielding from the Angels today to win. It was quite the big win. Pujols looked lazy as all hell today. I am glad they won that series. They really needed some momentum. Sporting KC won on Friday which was a good win. USA is doing very well in the world cup. Belser and Zusi are rewarding my fandom nicely with some really good play. Everyone is a bit down on Bradley but I think he will come out strong next game.

Sunday

So I was in a bad mood on Sunday. Nothing could get me out of it. I went home early from Andrea's because I knew that I was going to stir crap up because I was in a bad mood. She understood me leaving which is nice because I was in a bad mood. Went home and ate chicken and watched the Royals win. Adam, Jason, and I watched it. I also talked to Matt. Most people think I did the right thing removing myself from the situation, but I would like to be better and not have to leave every place just because I am not in a good mood. Oh well one day at a time and at-least I am not going to get all upset drive drunk kill a bunch of nuns by driving drunk.

Saturday Night and Sunday

I enjoyed some of my Saturday night. I went out for awhile with Leisil she was doing ok. It was the roller derby off season. I then went to Andrea's she picked up her room while I sleep. I woke up in the morning in a horrible mood. We went for a walk and I was trying everything to change my attitude. Nothing was working. So I decided to go home and play on the internet and watch the Royals. I felt better once I got some food into me and watching sports. I strive to be better at doing stuff for Andrea that isn't just all about me, but today wasn't the day.

Watching Nascar

Watching nascar and listening to Jack White.

Friday and Saturday

Friday I worked hard to give customers the attention they deserve. I had a person that wanted to speak to a supervisor to give me kudos. That felt nice. I am 7th overall for this month which is sales, quality, and account saved. I don't think I will bonus but I want to make sure to focus on every customer to have good empathy and understanding.

Yesterday I went on a 2-mile walk...today I went on a 2-mile walk. I met up with my friend Reid. We talked about patience and how it is important to have people look at their lives in a lighter view. I am glad I am able to walk and I want to watch videos of people born without legs so I can really never forget how lucky I am too have legs. I am sober again which is nice. It is nice to not live in the street or out of a dumpster, even though I have seen Panera's dumpster, and there is some tasty ass shit in that thing.

Jason gave me a polo shirt because it was too big for him. I am a big fan of shirts and I enjoy wearing them. Without a shirt I am worried a beaver would bite my nipple off or something. I also let Jason know that the light bill is due July 24th. It was 144 dollars. Which is pretty high but I am thankful for a roomie to split the bill. I am thankful hy-vee is across the street so I can buy sausages with ease. Sausages are awesome.

Thursday

I have two more days to get my quality scores up to where I receive a bonus this month. I am trying to work hard but let God decide the outcome. I felt good today because I was giving feedback about how to defuse situations at work. You have to acknowledge and relate to peoples issue over and over until the customer moves on. I pray for patience and empathy for people. People have it bad out there. When I try to be of service I am in a better mind space to help people. That helps me keep my rent money. I was glad that Cortland came over. Halo 2 is an old game it was rocking on my visio soundbar with subwolfer. Games with booms and explosions sound awesome on my system, but F1 sounds alright because there are not many thuds and such.

My dad and Raymond are very unselfish. I always love the way each of them still strive to get better. I have seen my dad give away money to beggers and I love the way Raymond always values peoples time. "Everyones time is the same because we are children of God" I know that older men could just turn into grumpy farts because they have accomplished everything, but it is really nice to see people get better and better with people. If you aren't getting better you are getting worse.

Wednesday

Wednesday poker got off to a rough start. I had two people cancel. We ended up playing and Bryce played well but got knocked out. Jason wins the Lenexa World Series of poker again. Cortland came over and played Halo 2. I am glad I can work hard and provide my nephew the best in video game entertainment.

Plowing

No not that plowing "Elderstatesman" Plowing in sales is not caring about what the customer thinks. Just going bla bla bla skipping over acknowledging what the customer is thinking or concerns. It makes people mad or at the very least turns them off from wanting to buy it. People can tell when you are a scripted robot.

Tuesday and Wednesday

Tuesday I went to the Baseball game with my parents. My mom makes it easy to go to games. I went to Andrea's and took a nap and had to deal with chicken madness. We went to the game and I thought the weather was good, but it was a bit hot for my dad. The Royals lose. Clayton Kershaw was in beast mode but Danny Duffy pitched well. Puig looked huge. Lots of Dodger fans in the stadium. It was a fun night and it could have been better if the Royals had won, but we are good fans doing all we can to root root root for the Royals.

Tuesday

I didn't get to blog yesterday very much. I cleaned my room. I washed my clothes. I fasted and I went to black dog. When you go to black dog sometimes you know you are going to be there for a couple hours. I started getting restless, but I used the time to focus and meditate. It was good to let go of what I wanted to do (which was bounce) and really focus myself on meditating and doing nothing. Doing nothing sounds awesome unless you really are wanting to leave. I went to work. Moved back up from 5 to 3 which is awesome, my quality is ca ca so I am not going to bonus. I sent out an e-mail about ways to get out of bad moods or being short with people. My team is always #1 and there are great people. My supervisor Aaron is positive all the time and energetic. My friend Keith is a great seller, the other people have great qualities. I felt myself getting short with people and it is my job not to stay in that crap. So there is always action I can take. write a gratitude list, talk to other positive people, it doesn't always work, but the important thing is that I take action. If it only works 1% of the time that is 1% more money and that means more clothes and shoes. I sent out the e-mail and I thought maybe people would think it is dumb, but I wrote it anyway because I felt I needed to hear the message of positive thinking and of getting out of bad behavior. Keith told me he liked it and Ralph liked that I put how it can help you get money clothes and shoes.

Today I woke up a bit out of sorts. I am pretty tired and brain dead. I was able to go for a walk. I felt crappy yesterday so I ate a bunch of sugar that was in a fruit bowl. I haven't been low low carbing it but I haven't been eating bread or pasta which is the best I can do right now. My walk was good today it is very nice out. I got tickets to the Royals game tongith where we will watch Clayton Kershaw. He is the Sandy Kofax of this era.

fell to 5

I fell to 5 on the rankings. A bit of a bummer, but I am not going to bonus any way because my quality is ca ca this month. USA tied yesterday. I didn't get to watch because I was working. Royals are doing bad. I printed off tickets for the Royals game tomorrow. It is the first game I have been to for awhile. I need to sometimes work on my attitude when I am tired. Just because I tired doesn't mean I can be a jerk to people. I didn't work out today, but I am doing a mini-fast. I ate some hot tamales yesterday and I am feeling guilty.

Saturday

Saturday I was able to not get fished. That means not get upset about peoples actions. Saturday I looked deeply into a vending machine wanting sugar. I thought about getting a sugar wafer bar. I told myself "NO RAY...THAT IS A COOKIE." You get no cookies. I thought about getting a nutragrain bar or something like that, but I decided to drink my poweraid and walk away. I would like to think that is self-dicipline, but it is more just me being stubburn and knowing how one sugar bar leads to a snickers which leads to sugar red bull which leads me to a place of hating myself forever.

Saturday I sent out an e-mail about how to save accounts. My supervisor Aaron said he liked it. I am still 3rd in the company, but I am still not going to bonus. I will just think of the positives. I come to work every day not dressed like a slob and I try to be on time and of service. I think I sold two things yesterday which was good. I had a 25 dollar gift card but I put the wrong address down so I doubt I get it.

Friday

Friday I didn't feel like going to work. I know work isn't about me and I have to not be an embarrassment of a man. So I go to work. I go to a meeting which was good. I have a 100% for my voice score. That means that everyone who has been customers and have filled out surveys said I was good. That was nice because I work hard to know what the heck I am doing and I work hard to keep a polite tone of voice to everyone. So that gave me a bump. I talked to my supervisor how the problem with me is that I get burned out and that you can't throw money at me to get me to keep going. So I asked him to just put me in a career path that he thinks I am good at and I will just keep my mouth shut and work. That is pretty much the way I work now is I try to be quiet and do exactly what a person wants me to do or do what successful people. When I was doing terrible with life I tried to be quiet and do what Raymond told me and be quiet, and when I did terrible at social things I did what some better people told me to do. It worked out decently the first day as I was introduced to some people. I always wear polo's and slacks even though we don't have to do so. That was nice because I am glad I didn't look like a slob when introduced to people. I told the people I was ready to work and would do whatever it takes to get the job done. They were a bit surprised about that attitude. I don't often have no ego through my day, but I worked on having no ego yesterday and peoples reactions were a bit surprised because everyone wants to do things their way and make their mark.


The Lets Just be friends toolkit. I was talking to Raymond about the LJBF tool kit. Which just means the steps you need to do when you are told lets just be friends. Don't overact. Make a sandwhich, get some sleep, don't be afraid to ask one of your homeboys for help getting you cheered up, don't act like a baby towards the girl who told you to just be friends. Only text "Cool" to the girl.

I am glad I went to work today.

I met important people in my career development today. I put myself out there to get visa or to leadership. My supervisor is a God send.

Friday Thankful list.

Friday is here. I am grateful for hours at work so I can afford internet service and I can post about the Royals on facebook. I am thankful for a job where I can afford the mid-range priced salsa at Hy-Vee. I am grateful I don't have to go to Aldi's ever if I don't want to go. I am thankful for the amount of USA T-Shirts at Wal-Mart. My parents are fun and cool. I never have to worry about my parents being sucky. My mom smokes and plays keno. That is way better than doing a "CAKE WALK" at St. James.

Lessons learned

I need to stop over valuing mid-level pairs in Hold em. Also Jason can play well and that is good. Today I work and I went all weekend and tuesday. I am trying to stay as grateful as possible for hours at work. I need money to play Hold em and also to pay for rent, gas, jeep, apartment, cell phone. That is all.

Poker

Got a poker table off of craigslist and called everyone I knew to play poker. I had 4 people and 1 of them quit before starting because they got upset over...I don't know what. Jason and Ryan were good and I got crap cards and I am not good and lost 5 bucks. Jason had some monster handat the end to take the pot. I need to learn to shuffle better and deal better. I suck.

WeeEEeeeee

Yesterday Andrea came over because I guess she couldn't go too long without seeing me (See fellas what going to the gym does for you?) Today I am just going to look at pictures of Eric Hosmer and play "R.Kelly's I believe I can fly" That is what normal 33 year olds do right?

A day that I would never see is ESPN stop talking about Manziel and Tebow long enough to talk about the Royals. I would have never thought about the Royals getting Jeff Smarjza from the cubs. Maybe we can get Brady Quinn and Charlie Weiss and get the whole crew back together?

Wednesday night

Wednesday night. Just got off work. And Easy does it for sure. Work was alright. I was pretty calm and I always have to have empathy for people who don't understand computers or credit cards. I pray for patience and compassion because I know people aren't computer dorks like me. Yesterday an older man was very upset about computers. I showed patience and empathy and compassion because I work at it. He seemed to calm down and we talked about tornados

Royals

The Royals defense and pitching are awesome.

Spiral of Death or spiral of awesome.

Andrea didn't drink the other day, she learned how to weather the storm. Then go to work the next day. I saw it with my own eyes how not drinking, getting your butt to work, learning to cope and learn can help you and help others. I was thinking about how being overweight sucks. You just are not attractive, so you don't want to work out, then you numb yourself with food or being a brat, and it is hard almost impossible to break that cycle. When you workout people respect you more, you respect yourself, you feel better, and that cycle just keeps you going. Most importantly a good routine can keep you out of the Spiral of Death. It is important to note when you do something good like not drinking, not eating crap food, or when you chose to workout over being lazy...you have to acknowledge the growth. You can see how you get better and it makes the people around you better. I was thinking yesterday that if I was 260 pounds I would get snide remarks from people. I was that big and I haven't had a snide remark about my weight FOR EVER. It is another reason to be grateful today. I also get texts and calls from Andrea which is nice because I remember being unsexy to the point where I got no attention from anyone. That was nice. So the next time I think about skipping a workout I have to imagine not getting text or calls from people, and I have to think about how my being lazy isn't inspiring to anyone, I also always want to be getting better and not worse.

Wednesday

Wednesday I woke up and had no anxiety. For that I was grateful. I had noodles all over me because Andrea forgot her food over here and I was eating it at midnight with my hands. I have been eating more carbs as of late which sucks, but eating no carbs sucks hard as well. I haven't been eating peanut butter which has carbs so hopefully those even out. I went for a 2 mile walk. It was pretty enjoyable. Some days walking sucks and today wasn't that day. I am trying to get some people over to play poker on Thursday. I feel good about it and sometimes I get nervous because I hate trying to put things together and it falling to crap, but I have been on a poker kick as of late and I will explore trying to get a game. I bought 2 black chairs at wal-mart because we don't have many chairs here, and I made my first mistake of putting together a poker game. I bought a poker chip set that doesn't have enough chips if lots of people come over. I will go back tomorrow and get more.


Mind games. So much of trying to get better at anything is mind games. I am not going to bonus at work, and I am number 3, but I have to keep selling so I don't drop in the rankings. Also I have to keep up the skill of taking pride in my work. If you aren't getting better you are getting worse. So yesterday I saved a couple accounts and I sold a couple of things and I made sure to put the results on the sales board. I often don't put my results on the sales board because I don't care, but I want to make sure I am caring enough to keep my chops and skills up and not let them slip. My supervisor is always positive and he is a good role model of how you should be positive no matter what and really keep getting better.

The Royals have been awesome and I watched some UFC yesterday. I have nothing to really say about either of those. It was entertaining watching people beat each other up. I used to watch Boxing with My grandpa so I try to channel my inner old man and relax and watch people beat each other up. It helps me relax.

I am grateful for my Lexipro it has helped me with my anxiety and depression. I am glad I live with Jason. I used to spend 1500 a month on bills living by myself and taking care of my jeep. It is nice to be able to have some money in my account for tires and also chop away at my credit card bills.

Going through finding poker players I am reconnecting with people who I normally don't talk to. That is good.

The Royals are on fire.

The Royals are on fire. They are coming back to the mean...in a mean fashion. There is no way that they are this good, just like there was no way they sucked as hard as they did earlier in the year. Escobar and Cain have been good, Alex Gordon has been a star. Pitching is awesome and Wade Davis has been unhittable. It feels good to be a fan because I have spent a zillion dollars on this crappy franchise, now for awhile they are playing insane.

Tuesday June 17th

Yesterday at work I slipped from 1st to 3rd. It is O.K. the reason the person went to first was because of account retention, which she had one account to save and she saved it, this a 100% account retention stat. I am O.K. with anything in Green. Which means anything in the top 70% is fine by me. That keeps me out of the principles office. I sold 4 things yesterday and it was a busy day. I felt lazy all day, but once it was time to work we were busy and it helped me be productive. The Royals and USA won. It was a great day in sports.

After work I went to visit Andrea. She has a brain which no matter how good she has it gets her down. She did the right thing and voicing her emotions and not drinking Booze. As a result she made it to work today and didn't destroy her body or relationships. That is a pretty big deal because tons of people give in everyday and numb themselves with booze, drugs, or Golden Corrals chocolate waterfall.

Speaking of numbing myself I had some cereal yesterday and I didn't go for a walk. I was a bit burned out from walk and I am really burned out with no sweets. So I had a bad day with my diet, but today is a new day and I am ready for today to have a better day.

Work is today which is a bummer, but I think about how I probably need money for tires. Not that I need tires right now but at some point I will need tires and I need to save money now for said tires.

Monday

Today I woke up and I felt lazy. Andrea came over yesterday and told me how fun she had kneeboarding. I guess there are new knee boards that are attached to the board. That is swell (pun intended). I feel lazy and I am not in the mood to do much today, but I am doing laundry. I had an unexpected win today. I have an Amazon.com credit card which earned me 15 dollars back for buying Grand Theft Auto 5. Now cards with rewards on them have large APR% because you get rewards with them. So I think the APR on this card is 22% which I should never carry a balance on. My US BANK credit card is the one that toted the load for the disaster of a year that was last year. Anyway I buy gas with the card and other things and try to pay it off. I found out that I have 16 bucks of rewards. I noticed that today and that is pretty good deal since I mostly use it on gas and food. It makes me feel good knowing in detail credit cards now so I can take advantage of some of these rewards. I also at-least have the knowledge of the way the mind works with credit cards. Everyone wants dessert first. People want the prize up front and not the work that goes into it. I am no different. I want the new MMA game for XBOX but I don't want to work overtime to get it. Anyway I will stop blabbing for now to go throw my clothes in the dryer.

Father's Day

Today I woke up and went to Hy-vee to get two things my dad desperately needs. A fathers day card and meet that is frozen in plastic. I got both. Andrea and I went to Lawrence. We talked about many things. Dad, Mom, Courtland, Sheree, Ben, Andrea, and I ate Chinese. I had the Lovers Roll which was so tasty. I love sushi and was expecting it to be more aggresive. It was pretty tame. I came home went to Hy-vee again change my tooth brush. My throat is still somewhat sore. I watched some soccer and now I am currently relaxing.

Friday

Friday I went to work. It was O.K. My computer wasn't working well. I was still in first place, but I am still not meeting one goal so I won't get a bonus. I did get a bonus for last month. My supervisor was happy to show me the money. Went to Andreas.

Friday

Friday. I woke up and went for a walk. It was beautiful out. I wasn't in a good mood. I was supposed to go to O.A.R. tonight and I accidently deleted out my vacation day and there is a waiting list so it was snatched up automatically. So Matt and Monica will ahve to go without me. I was in a down mood, but I decided I was going to play Video Poker at Hollywood casino. My dad had asked if I still go play cards at the boat and I said I go once a month, and I almost forgot that I like video poker. I see my mom at the boat but I didn't think it was her for various reasons. She looked like she was having fun playing Keno so I let her enjoy herself. I called and asked her to go to Outback because I have a coupon, she declined. She did offer to take me out if she won. I decided to do 3 things before work today. Walk 2 miles, Go play video poker, and go to an AA meeting. The topic today was relationships and I had a good joke. "I found the thing that helped me with my relationships is not calling to get bailed out of jail because I am drunk" there was an uproar in laughter and people lifted me up up their shoulders started rejoicing because my joke was so awesome. I still don't feel good about working today, but I was glad to play video poker (-$12) and I was glad to talk to my mom, and I was glad to be hoisted in the air like a God and a scene from Indiana Jones Temple of Doom.

Pention

my old job wants me to take a pay out for my retirement (Not my 401K) I guess what I will do with it is just take it when I am retired. I will have to pray on it though I am sure that it is o.k. to wait until retirement to take my 200 bucks a month, but I need to run it through God first. I met with Raymond today. We talked about regular stuff. One of my friends is in horrible shape. He is in late stage alcoholism and he has scrapes all over his body like his body isn't healthy enough to heal. I will pray for him tonight, but I know that is rough on his family to look at that. Even through all that he said that he drank beers until he felt good watching the Royals game. Like Raymond said he is Living Dying proof of what Alcoholism does. I had some issues with Nyquil the other day. I felt like death last week and Nyquil and ibuprofin got me through the night. I felt a bit guilty as it does have alcohol in it. Raymond said he just wants me to call him if I take something like that. I didn't feel to guilty because I was in awful shape last week and was begging for something to knock me out or kill me. I threw the Nyquil out and we joked about it. "You and jason didn't drink little cups of nyquil did you?" I was like oh you know it. We cranked up some Pink Floyd and got crunk off the Green Stuff. Overall I don't want to party anymore, and the fact I go to AA meetings, meet with Raymond, and I take my days one day at a time have really provided me peace in my life. I recieved a bill from my first doctor appointment on May 2nd, but my Health Savings fund should have paid for it. So I am going to call them to see what the deal is. I have two more bills coming for a doctor visit and a throat swab. I am #1 at work still, but I am not meeting one goal (Complience) so I doubt I bonus this Month. I started to get sad, but then I realized that I still get paid a paycheck. The real game is not getting down on yourself. You are never as good as you are and you are never bad as you are. I try never to let myself get down because I have Hot Showers, Food, a roof over my head, Jason, Byrd, Elder Statesman, my parents, Raymond, Andrea, My sister, I have lots of people who I love and who love me. I can't get too down because I am not 250 pounds anymore and I see people out there struggling with their weight and I know that I am able to get around better not being that heavy. I don't sit there and weeze trying to wolf down a bag of funyons.

Here are my things to pray for today.

God please help or give peace to the following issues.

Andrea's aunt having surgery on her brain.
What I should do with my pension plan.
I pray that I meet my goals at work.
My friend dying from alcoholism.
The United States and a safe World Cup.
Byrds child.

Andrea seems to be doing better. She seemed to be in a good mood last time I talked to her. She is out in the world mixing it up without alcohol. That is a rough mental change and it is hard to change your thinking. People often ask "Why don't you do this or this is the way you should be feeling" for me it doesn't work that way. I see that I am #1 at work and I don't feel good, I feel fear of dropping down or the fear of not lasting. The way I handle it is I acknowledge my fears and then for myself to think about just enjoying the ride. I also think about how lucky I am to have hot showers, hot meals, workout equipment, apartment, pool, tennis, nice tv, phone, jeep, parents, sister, nephew, etc. Attitude of Gratitude.

OLE

Ole World Cup

Old Trapper Beef Jerky

Old Trapper beef jerky...old fashioned beef jerky made the old fashioned way. I am not sure what the "New Fashioned way" would be.

As anyone knows I hate marketing tricks. This is OLD TRAPPER BEEF JERKY MADE THE OLD FASHIONED WAY. I googled their website and they obviously use new fangled machines to try out the beef jerky and computers to pack the jerky. @BeefJerkyLover I am sorely dissapointed to find out you don't pack Jerky truly in the old fashioned way of taking the meat rolling it in salt and viniger brine then packing it into a buffalo bladder and leaving it out for months. Meanwhile Ma dies while giving birth to the youngest son Charlston forcing the entire family to live off of frozen horse meat until the Beef Jerky is dried out to delicious perfection. Meanwhile Charlston gets yellow fever working on the railroad and also dies leaving his wife and cousin alone at home to tend to the potato crops.

wednesday

Wednesday we were super busy at work. I talked to people for 2 hours straight. Call centers force you to work hard and handle lots of people. I sold some things so that is good. The earily rankings came out and I was #1 but that is just luck because I talked some people into keeping accounts open. Normally people close their accounts. So it felt good to be #1 for a day. My team is #1 most of the time out of 7 teams so that is pressure to sell well, but also it is nice to see hard working people around me. I did a mini fast yesterday to just acknowledge that this is what 3rd world countries go through all the time. When I am bla bla I sometimes fast for a meal yo bring my focus on the fact I know where I can get food and Clean water. I felt O.k. After the fast and I had good energy all day yesterday.

Wednesday

Wednesday was a day that the mowers were going in our apartment complex. Tuesday is the day they fire them up, but it was raining yesterday. Even back in 06 when I lived here I know that tuesdays annoyed me when I worked nights because they mow right by your window at 9 AM. I woke up this morning and wasn't really annoyed. Seems like my Lexipro is working because that used to drive me nuts to the point of anger. I could feel myself starting to get anxious, but I just walk myself through mentally that "It's not a big deal" and to do something. I played a quick game of Fifa just to do something silly. I played as the United States National team against Australia. I tied which was weird because the USA is way better in the game. I guess I just was terrible. I play some texas hold em on my phone. The players that the computers have on my phone range from terrible to good (They aren't real people with not real money) I was thinking about the texas hold em machines they have at casino's Those things never make a mistake and have no real money to contend with. On my phone I can bully around players because it is just a game. It is kind of cheesy to go all in and bully people out of hands. I work tonight and I am O.K. with it. I want to take a moment to acknowledge that I take pride in selling to everyone. I always try to keep my salesman chops up. Even when people don't like me I have to stay in practice of selling and going through the emotions and keeping the skills up for selling. 99% of the people say No to whatever you are selling because that is human nature, then it becomes a game of matching up your next move with good tone of voice and reading people. Often I can play the sales game well and still not get sales, but I know in my heart I played it well. Did good on tone of voice, provided examples of how it would help people, used words to paint a picture of what I am selling, it just doesn't always work. I just like talking about it because I have worked forever on handing emotions of rejection and to really study people.

I hope my dad's ankle is getting better. I did my part to try to keep him off of it. My mom seems to be doing well. She sure loves her brothers and sisters. My sister was in wakarusa and she has Red Hair. Jason seems to be doing well. We don't see each other often because we work opposite schedules. He gets up and goes to work and I can hear that. He often makes lots of money in a short amount of time because he is tall, skinny, handsome, and really knows how to work with what he has.


Mondays and Tuesdays I try to keep low expectations on my happiness. Most people are unhappy Mondays and Tuesdays. The only reason people love Wednesdays is because of that Geico Camel commercial.

Tuesday night.

Tuesday night I worked. I ended up 13th in the month of may. Obviously I would strive to be #1. My friend Keith is a tenacious salesman though, he gets ranked high every month. Thankful to God that I had a month not in the Dog House at my jobs. The Royals worked the Indians hard core. Hosmer, Moose, and Gordon with homeruns. Some idiot on MLB TV was pimping the Indians. Glad the Royals smoked the Indians. It is cool out which is nice. I had a nice 2 mile walk today. It felt good with good air circulation going at 24 hour fitness. I am starting to notice the endorphines more mixed with my anti-depressants to give me just a good feeling with my mind, plus a good productive feeling. It is always nice just to get a walk in to say that I did something productive. I am grateful that I have time for AA meetings and going for walks. They keep me out of bars and out of trouble so I can do things like post on facebook about the Royals.

Monday

Monday I was fooling around with my schedule at work and I accidently deleted my day off for friday which I took off for the O.A.R. concert. Well there is a wait list so I lost my day off which sucks. So I kind of freaked out, but maybe someone will work for me on Friday so I can work Saturday and still go. That was a dumb mistake that I won't do again.

Monday

I love working nights because I can sleep all day long. This makes my quality of life better because I hate being tired. It ruins everything. I went to an AA meeting today, I went for a walk, I went to Hy-Vee. I was able to do laundry on Sunday. I also gave my mom money to go to the casino. That made me feel good. I am always broke, but I had 20 dollars for some reason (Probably because I haven't been to a sporting or royals game in two months.) So I gave my mom money and I went to an AA meeting on Monday. There was some rough looking guys at the AA meeting. It reminds me why I will put up with some days of not having fun so I don't go back to partying. The guys had skinned up legs and face, and looked like death. That kind of look tears families up and it just is a general bummer. I know how easy it can be to self medicate and drink a ton of whiskey to feel better, but there is a price to pay. The price to pay is looking like crap, being in legal troubles, and being a general burden on people. So today I just want to acknowledge that I was sober and able to go for a walk and not have scrapes all up and down my face and body. Having scrapes up and down your body makes everyone else feel uncomfortable..

Sunday Dale Earnhard Jr. Day

Sunday I woke up early and got a text from my dad. Mom was going out of town to Omaha and that set up for a day of 70 inch tv with subwolfer to watch the Royals game and the NBA finals. My dad hurt his ankle so I was thinking about dragging him to the K, but I figured probably just try to give everyone a day of rest including me and enjoy 70 inch HDTV with subwoolfer. We first went to Golden Corral and the food was good and it was clean. I had eggs and bacon. I actually had eggs and bacon twice on Sunday which is a good thing. The Royals won. They have great pitching backed by an fierce bullpen. The Royals defense has been very awesome as well as Escobar made a great play on Derek Jeter. After the game my dad and I watched Bridesmaids and then the NBA finals. It was good to get some time in with my dad, and enjoy an expensive tv. We also sprinkled in some Monster Trucks and some Formula 1 racing. Dale Earnhardt JR. won at Pocono. That was a great win. He often loses on the last lap so it was nice to see his luck change for once. So overall I give this grade an A+ as we did what we could to get my dad's ankle rested and we enjoyed expensive toys. When I got home I had a headache and I went to bed.

Sunday

I drove up to St. Joseph. My dad took me to Golden Corral and we are currently watching the Royals.

Friday and Saturday

This week has been pretty bad. I was sick all week and it made me short with people. It's all good though I think my throat is getting better thanks to not doing anything but work and sleeping. Andrea came over for a bit yesterday. We talked about various things. In life you really have to fight the urge to be a victim. Being a victim gives you a reward because you feel special that you have been wronged. It is a common thing that people do because their brain feeds them something that makes them feel good. You have to find ways to turn negatives into positives. I have had many guys steal girls I like, I have had many F's, many failures, many strikeouts, I made sure I acknowledged that it was all character building and tried my best to get back to work to earn money, back to the gym to work out, and back out in public to build social skills. It is hard work becoming an adult. I am not very good about it, but I at-least know the path to adulthood is to "Don't hate, congradulate" when you are done you can look back and know that your path wasn't easy. You always have to have a ying and yang. I know what a man/boy I was in my twenties so I can easily see progress in taking responsibility for my actions and habits. I just know the feeling of other people getting success and wanting to hate on their achievements, but you have to find a way for your actions to be loving towards them, even when your insides hurt. There is huge growth in those moments!

Sporting KC has an awesome preformance after a suspect red card put them down a man yesterday. Royals won the series against the Red Birds which was nice, but dropped one to the Yankees yesterday.

Tuesday

Tuesday wasn't good. My throat was killing me, in between praying for death I would take a bunch of medicine non of it really worked. I called my Doctor. She wasn't in. Ugh...my face and throat hurt so bad. I am hopeful I can get some antibotics tomorrow if not I may have to go to the ER or something because it is a bit more than I can bare. I went to work and talked on the phone all day as well. That wasn't good as my throat hurt. Royals won against St. Louis. Sporting KC lost one of their great midfielders to a bigger club. This team is hurting right now. No Zusi, Besler, Olum, Opara, Myers etc etc etc. Now Uri Rosell is out the door. Hopefully they can keep just getting ties to sneak into the playoffs.

Microwaving Throat spray

Wow my throat hurts. I am microwaving throat spray to try to get some relief. I don't think I have strep throat which is good. I think I would have a fever if I had strep. My first day of the month seemed to go well. I had two sales, one may not count because I said some things wrong, but overall I tried to sell to everyone even if they were grumpy. That is good job by me. My throat hurt all night and I stayed at work. The Royals won. Overall grade for a Monday was pretty good. I am just glad to have a job and make some money. Last year at this time I had a temp job and that wasn't a good gig at all.

Man/Boy

I can be a pretty big Man/Boy sometimes. Andrea helps point out the area's where I need to work on helping out with the house or with my parents boating. It is pretty annoying, but it's pretty much like having a personal trainer yelling at me to do a lift or walk another mile. It can be annoying, but it has it's point. I do need to keep working on helping others and learning how to work on houses so I can keep growing up. I am not going to beat myself up about it, just keep it in mind that there is a deeper level of satisfaction out there other than beating Grand Theft Auto 5. It is helping people.

Saturday and Sunday

Saturday Jason and I played two sets of Tennis. It was fun because I am better than I was. Jason has a nasty kick serve and other nasty shots, so that wasn't fun. We played for awhile then Adam, Matt, Monica, Sarah and Jason went up to Black Dog. I had some good laughs all night. Sunday my Dad and Mom went Boating on the river. It was fun. We had some awesome BBQ at Iron Horse BBQ in Atchison. Then we went home. I dropped Andrea off I went for a small walk but I was tired, Andrea came over and we watched HGTV. It was a decent episode.

Monday I went to the doctor and tried to see if the dosage was right. It seemed like it went well. I used to be so annoyed with people and had bad anxiety. Now at-least when I am upset it is tied to something. I also got my throat tested for Strep Throat because my throat has been killing me for the last three days. Today it is back to work and it is a new month. I need to work on my VOICE SCORES which just means that you get surveyed by customers and they can rate you well. I get rated well most of the time unless someone is just upset with the system. I want to work hard to do well because it really helps my overall happiness when I get a decent review.