Salv Perez locked up and USA wins

Perez is going to be the next Johnny Bench. He can throw, hit, hit for power, hit on perkins waitresses. He can do it all. I think he may have been taken advantage of since he needs money to get his family into the country, but I don't care. The Royals have him locked up. USA won against Italy. 1-0....USA USA USA. Clint Dempsey with the goal.

Randoms and WWI visit

Tuesday I had some PTO scheduled to save my sanity. So I used it to go down to the WWI Museum. My first thoughts were "Wow this area looks like crap!" Brown grass, construction everywhere, but I could quickly see how awesome the place will look in the spring. Liberty Memorial will have green grass, Kansas city style fountains and American flags. As I walked in these vault like doors I was greeted by many old people. They were so old I wondered if they were WWI vets themselves. I started the tour with a 15 minute movie given the history of what WWI was about. This is what I gathered. Most of Europe was tired of being countries and wanted to be with the same people. Slavs and Russians wanted to be with each other, Germany wanted to be national powers, and poor people wanted free money like Karl Marx promised. Then Franz Ferdinand (not the awesome rock band) gets capped and WWI starts. There is everything you would want to see in this Museum. Every Rifle, every machine gun, knives, letters, uniforms, a tank, 2 planes, Torpedo, swords, couple simulated trenches, handguns, helmets, grenades, gas masks. Propaganda posters It was overwhelming. If I go back I will try to read and interact with some of the exhibits, but It takes awhile to get down there from Lenexa and I just wanted to see machine guns, the planes, the tank, and then whatever else I could see. There was plenty of stuff to read and do to last four or five hours if you were really geeky. The staff knew their shit, but I kinda wanted to be left alone. I just asked if they have ever seen the music video for Metallica's "One" I hope to go back again so I can read more. The Occupy people were out protested the federal reserve, I have no idea what their deal is but they look like they could shower and get a part time job at Bob Evans.

Went to the Park on Saturday, I felt like a real child diddler out there with no kids. Luckily I fit in better with all these Spanish speaking fellows playing Soccer in a roller hockey rink. It ended up a tie

Juan to Juan.

Monday Madness

Kansas rolled to a win. They are a better team from playing Mizzou. Juan Pablo Montoya hit a jet dryer and blew up Daytona 500. Kris and I watched Nascar, I cranked up the volume because nascar on fox as this segment called CRANK IT UP! It was AWESOME.

Saturday and Sunday

Saturday started decently. Some baked chicken with cheese sauce, some broccoli. A great game between Mizzou and Kansas. I don't really feel like beating a dead horse with that game. I will just say I didn't think "The Ferrari" got fouled driving the lane. Oh well, great game and a good way of closing out a fierce season. Saturday Night I was alittle bummed. I hung out with Kris for awhile and we just talked random stuff, but he went home. Luckily Kristen called me up and I went out with her for awhile. She is my Jack Russel of friends. She dances, does random shit, talks to random people, all the while texting a million people etc. I find myself saying "God you are wierd" which is bizzar because most people think I am the wierd one. I get it though. I can't stand just sitting around when I am not working, I have to be talking, dancing, making up jokes, doing something. It is nice to have Kristen around so I can have someone else do random shit instead of me. I was talking to her friend Virginia (which of course I sang most of "Meet Virginia the hit 2001 song by Train to her) We just had a good talk about life in general and I talked about my experience on a variety of topics. So Virigina liked me, but I don't think Kristens other friend likes me so much, which is understandable since the first time I met her I questioned her purse matching the rest of her outfit. Sunday I went to the park and watched some spanish people play soccer on a roller hockey ring in the park in shawnee. It was pretty etertaining. I will try to post pictures at some point. The spanish speaking people beat the spanish people 3-2. or Tres...dos for those of you reading this blog in spanish. Speaking of Jack Russels Kris brought his dog Hazel over and it was a grenade of crazy. I have never seen a dog that just needed action the entire time, it kept on barking at me to do stuff, and I was like. Come on Dog...Basketball is on! Dogs are so rude sometimes. Especially Dog the Bounty Hunter. The Daytona 500 was delayed until Monday which sucks because I wanted to watch it today. I doubt I catch any of it tomorrow. I feel pretty good overall. Life in general is very tough but right now I think I could give myself a break and make myself happier short term, but take a loss long term. I am really trying to work out each day, work hard, pause when pissed, pray and have a general attitude of being of service. There is simple service work out there that I like to do that requires little or no effort other than doing the task. I would hate to have to make phone calls and commit to doing service work, but I do like to do service work like pick up trash sweep broken beer bottles off of sidewalks, cigerette butts (get gloves though). The easiest thing is to just go to Hi-Vee they always have someone that needs some kind of help out there. Sometimes it is Catholic Charities, sometimes it is shelters, how easy is it to just grab some cheap canned goods and donate them. I will say this the other day they had a list of things that needed to be donated and on there was Razors. Some poor person out there is going to enjoy a good shave because I bought the same Razors I use. Who doesn't like a close shave!

Grienke....the scout

Side gig for Greinke: Draft advisor

Here’s a new role for Brewers ace Zack Greinke: Draft advisor.

Brewers principal owner Mark Attanasio was praising Greinke’s intelligence and awareness when he revealed Saturday that Greinke asked for video of prospective Brewers Draft picks last May. He studied different pitchers and offered recommendations before the Brewers selected pitchers Taylor Jungmann and Jed Bradley in the first round of the First-Year Player Draft.

Greinke is more involved than some fans think, Attanasio said. He recommended that coaches save bunt defense for later in camp, so the coaches made some slight alterations to the schedule.

“We had a nice laugh about that,” Attanasio said. “He’s a very thoughtful guy.”

Greinke is a free agent at season’s end, and the Brewers are formulating a plan for contract extension talks. Attanasio declined to offer specifics of that plan, did address the fact that Greinke, for now, is acting as his own agent.

“Zack is a very smart guy,” Attanasio said. “He’s very aware of things that are going on.”

Friday

It has been a long week. I am glad that the weekend is here. I got home in time to catch some of SPORTING KANSAS CITY! I was happy that they didn't look like complete shit. They are playing in this Orlando Tournament that means exactly jack shit. No one looked bad and no one looked good, everyone just kicked the ball around for the entire game. If I would have paid for this game I would have been semi mad, but because I was huddles around my computer, I enjoyed it. It was good to hear Callen Williams sexy voice again. He is from England and I actually don't want to murder him (I want to murder most people from England....looking your way Hugh Grant!) I spent the rest of the night taking naps and watching some old TBS baseball. I watched two home runs by Dale Murphy that went opposite field. That was before weight lifting and steriods in baseball. Kinda weird to see how skinny the people were in the 80's and how their uniforms had no buttons on them. Just like some kind of T-Shirts they wore. Mizzou and Kansas is tomorrow. I am not as excited as I was the first game. I am just tired of both teams right now and I am ready for the tournament. I think KU will win by 8 or so, but who the crap knows. The way KU has devoloped their players over the last couple years has been crazy. The Ferrari Taylor and Jeff Whithey sucked most of their career, but now look like they could be playing in the NBA. Mizzou has had a magical season, better than any season I can remember growing up. Even from The Anthony Peeler Doug Smith days. Ok speaking of shit times to be a fan in Mizzouri. Around 2004-2007 has to be the worst Era of KC baseball and Mizzou basketball ever. Quinn Snyder....wow. The only bright spot was Linus Klazia (The polish hatchet!) ok He wasn't polish and I don't know why I called him a hatchet, but he was pretty good. I better look up what that guy is doing these days.

Go Thursday Go

Lebron vs Lin.....Twinkies vs. Ho Hos.....Swiss rolls vs. Star Crunches. All these are epic battles.

No matter how shitty my day goes I can find peace with my friend Kris at Perkins!

The Lakers and Celtics are old as hell. Oklahoma City and The Knicks look like ballers.

We need to bring back overalls. I am going to get me a pair at town and country.

Tales from the Comb Forward

So my spelling and grammer suck. I plan on doing nothing to fix that. Wednesday went pretty good. Kansas won. Kansas always has a long line of White guys that can block shots. I still remember Greg Ostertag very vividly. Although what I remember most about Ostertag is he got dunked on by Glen "The big dog" Robinson. Nascar opens with some duel races that are pointless tomorrow, they decide how the field will shake out for the Daytona 500. Eric Hosmer is going to hit 40 homeruns this year. Bank on it!


pun of the day

Cashiers never die...they just check out.

Tuesday

Yesterday was a crazy ass day. Just crazy busy all day long, then I get home and try to eat some tuna and eggs and the Mizzou game was flat out zany. College basketball gets me off my seat and nervous. No movie or reality show can do that. At one point there were a couple lobs made that were off target, then I turned to the Heat game where Lebron made a full length of the court lob pass right on the money to Dwayne Wade. Those two are 20x better than anyone in college basketball and what they do is sick. You have to watch college basketball as a back drop of what nba folks can really do. The Penguins won 2-0 over the Rangers which is good, I hate the flyers first, Rangers second, and suddenly with the way "The Wild" have been gooning it up, I hate them as well.

Perkins....ok so we go to Perkins, Kris, Brad, Michelle, Nick, Cody. Now Brad is there and he legit can write punchlines to my jokes. He starts talking about being a ski-ball addict and getting pulled away from the tickets. All for spider rings. I was being crazy because I have figured out that when I don't feel good, I can start acting hyper or like an idiot and it changes the way I feel. I think that is better than just sitting there being miserable. Yesterday I was in a mood where I didn't want to be bothered but I was able to change my state by dancing like The Dead guy from Weekend like Bernies. I also talked to Raymond and we talked about our thinking and how it is flawed. Whenever we face conflict, because we are unconformable, we take the low road, it brings out the primal instinct of being right and surviving. i have to not take the low road so many times in my day it gets old. I try my best to take the high road and I am rewarded by feeling better in life. You act like trash to people you get trash. We always talk about how my mp3 player was stolen twice...how it is better to have shit stolen from you than to be the one stealing. There are sick people out there ya'll. Overall thinking is very important. I have to protect my thoughts or my mind just races about disaster. Prayer helps in this way because then atleast I can focus on God. So sometimes when I am resting I think it is awesome to pray in that situation so my mind doesn't just wonder over to negative things like it tends to do.

Monday Wrapup

Monday went better than last Monday. I got a work out in. I went to applebees to get some shrimp and chicken. I ate some jelly beans for desert. Kris and I discussed the sweeping power of a bissel, how does something without electricity do such a great job of sweeping things up? The world may never know.

Whats the difference between a porcupine and a BMW driver... with a porcupine the prick is on the OUTSIDE.

Weekend

Friday was pretty good. Ihop, friends, random stuff. Saturday I went to the Mavericks game. It was expensive, but a good time. I went with Botty, Jesse, Ashley, and Ashleys friends. I had no issues with the Mavs game, the puck and the sticks and the hits are loud in person. There was also a contest where everyone bought these pink pucks and they threw them on the ice during a intermission trying to get it in a trash can. So there was pucks all over the ice at one time, then people started chucking them at the zamboni, the mascot, ice girls, because they saved them. Nothing like seeing a giant orange Horse mascot get hit with a puck. Off topic somewhat but I would love to see 1988 nolan ryan hit John Elway in the face with a hockey puck from 4 feet away.

Sunday was NBA Sunday, the Penguins got destroyed early so I had a chance to watch Jeremy Lin. The dude played amazing this year. I think the Knicks make the playoffs but get beat by the Bulls. Durant poured in 50 and Russel Westbrook scored 40. There has been good nba games as of late. Miami has so much talent, it is sick. They beat Orlando easily today.

Friday

Yesterday was pretty fun. I went to work, I went for a walk, I drank soda at Perkins. Jason and I went to Starbucks. At this point of the week I was ready to crash, but I made it through the night. We discussed such important matters as if Don Johnson (from miami vice) was mooning you when you woke up, would that be considered waking up to the butcrack of Don. Or if a cow served you drinks and you gave it a couple bucks is that cow tipping? I didn't really talk about Mizzou's win because I was too busy telling dick jokes to drunk people, but Mizzou is really good this year. Pretty unfair for them to have such a good football and basketball team.

Wednesday

Wednesday was alright. I decided I wanted to do some stand up comedy again, so the day was a bit nerve racking trying to sit down all night when I knew I was going to have adventure later on that night. I need more experience staying in the moment and staying present and not day-dreaming later on in the night. Byrdman went with me which was awesome because he is very supportive and we had a great time. I didn't get many laughs but I can only do the jokes I feel are funny and I wish I was packing a full room, I wish I had a 10 foot ****, and I wish Matt Cassel could throw the ball over 10 yards, but wishing all that doesn't make it true. I am just relaxing this morning. I have been meditating on "Easy Does It" I have to get a grip of where I am in life all the time. I am just one dude, no one is going to die if my coat doesn't get hung up, my soul isn't going to hell if I don't go to the store and buy food, lately I have just been getting confortable in the fact that it is ok to feel confortable. I often get frustrated, then get mad because I don't want to get frustrated. So my goal is to stay more in the present and "easy does it" There is plenty of stuff that I hope to do this spring like go to spring training, and watch Toy Story 3 so I can't wait to see what life brings me next.

Wednesday

Elder Statesman sent me this text "I found my cat loving girlfriend on Purrrsonals.com" I replied yes there is lots of pussy on there...lots of tail...better shave my whiskers. Tried to date a hot one...fur-get-about it.

Everything is going today. I love sitting in my red chair. I wish I could do nothing but sit in my red chair all day. That would be my dream job. Red Chair testing. I went out to Perkins yesterday with a Giftcard my parents gave me. The Waitress had two kids by the time she was 19 and she said once she was 30 she was free to do what she wants because the kids would be on their own. So let me get this straight, when your kids are 9-10 they are considered to be on their own? That is some St. Joe Shit right there!

I am planning on script writing for Jamie Priestly and Billy Butler. A sit-com called Tits N' Grits. I haven't decided on who is Tits and who is grits yet!

Tuesday

Yesterday was interesting. I woke up, started being of service and irritation started setting in. The snow didn't bother me, just a general distain for life. I prayed I tried to be of service. I know that I need to change my attitude in times like this when I am restless, irritable, discontent. So then I tried to say "Just make it to lunch your mood well probably change" It just got worse though. So I called Raymond up, like yo Ray this is how I feel, I want to punch people in the face. So he gave me some instructions on what to do and gave me hope that when I am irritated I don't have to go around "Fixing" why I am irritated. The truth is some of my irritation comes from the fact I didn't move to a warmer climate and become a comedy writer. So now I am just faced with trying to cope. I think I did a good job not making things worse even though I was about as frustrated as I can remember. A couple years ago I would have been taking a couple days off racking up a large bar tab being hungover. Today is a new day and I know that if I keep growing and learning I will be fine. Kris came over later that night and we had a good time, so my mood as you can see can quickly change. Switching gears.


All these girls were tweeting how they would like to be abused by Chris Brown. A simpler way of getting battered would be to become a chiefs fan.

FunDay Sunday

Hello and Happy Sunday. I am sitting here with a belly full of fish sticks and watching my second NBA game of the day. I watched the Bulls and the Celtics play earlier today and the Bulls lost. They didn't have Derrick rose but they played well. I can't tell if it is the fish sticks that are making me sick or if it the Memphis Uniforms. Evidently they are having a throw back uniform, but it looks like Urine and Lime to me.

Thursday

Today was pretty good. I am still jogging and that is going well. I like to walk and jog, I never realized it how boring walking can be unless you have music or if you are mad, because if you are mad and you walk you can think about how you are going to jack someone (or something) right in the face! We went out to Perkins tonight. Ann, Kris, Cody V, Jose, Corey, we all were just chilling. Some nerds walked in, and when I say nerds I mean they had cartoons and shit on their purses. So I stand up and say "Hello fellow nerds" They talked about some anime convention they were at. It was fun. I talked about delivering a baby at Perkins, and how that would be awkward. So everything is going pretty good.

Breathe In courage

Breath out fear. This is a good saying for when you are scared. Speaking of "Fear" I can't decide which is my favorite T-Shirt. The 90's style T-shirt "No Fear" The Maryland T-Shirts "Fear the Turtle" The "Fear the Beard T-shirt" The Cape Fear T-Shirt that I made up in my mind that features a 50 year old Robert Deniero making out with a 16 year old Juliet Lewis?

Mizzou celebrates with a New T-Shirt

Mizzou has a new T-Shirt out commemorating their win over KU. I am glad it is selling better than their National Championship T-Shirt.

Mizzou wins against OU

Missouri excaped with a tough road win yesterday as I fight resentments about how people make billions of dollars to come up with shitty commercials. I once wrote a joke with the punchline being "Put some on your Thorax" The premise of the joke was that every living thing takes shit from their parents, especially Dung beatles who literally take shit from their parents. I bet even Grandpa Beatle was telling a younger beatle how to carry shit properly. "Oh you pussy you can carry more! Put more on your Thorax!" Anyway there was a commercial with the punchline "Ohhh my thorax!" at the Superbowl

Cereal Terrorism

Hello and Happy Monday. The Big game was on yesterday and the Giants defense stepped up like the downtown Sears Escalator circa 1987. The M&M's commercial where the one candy got naked to "LMFAO'S I know I'm Sexy" was awesome. There was a Bud Light commercial that featured the song "A toast for the Duechebags" By Kanye West. Are they trying to say that Bud Light is for dueche bags? That was a wierd choice of songs for sure.

What a game

Saturday started in a good way. I got some laundry done, most importantly my bed spread and blanket. I then went to go get some food, go for a walk, get some pop. I Then dazed in and out of taking a nap until Kris came over and we went to Wal-Mart. There was a blonde, alittle bit overweight girl stocking shelves, so I took her a Valentines Bear and told it was for her. Kris did a face palm and we headed back to watch the game. Mizzou was on fire, KU was alittle sluggish and didn't get the ball into Tomas Robinson enough, the result was a KU lost. It was a heartpounding 3 hours of basketball. If falling down was an Olympic Medal Steve Moore would win gold easily, not even the cock Russian Judges could deny his falling down skills. I was very glad to watch the game on my Mangnavox with my visio soundbar. It sounded exactly like I was there. Who didn't get pumped up after watching Mizzou's intro. Bill Self did a good job keeping is Toupee straight while they choked down the stretch. Mizzou mine as well just go ahead and win a National Title now. For those of you keeping score at home, Mizzou's best team in 10 years with 4 seniors, just beat the worst KU team in 10 years (by 3). Mizzou will have a chance for a sweep in a couple weeks and I can't wait. It's games like this that make me never want to watch a Ryan Gossling DVD again. Sports is just way to exciting to spend time watching Gosling drive around.

Sports Weekend So big....

Make Michael J. Fox come to a stand still.

If you name your kid Marley

I am going to assume it is from the Hit Book, and the Hit movie Marley and Me. Not for Bob Marley.

Friday

Friday was pretty good. Went out to Outback steak house with Kris and Jason. I had a chicken sandwhich and some broccoli. I was able to get out of there without eating fries or red meat. So that is about the best I am going to get with my diet when eating out. We all tried to mack the waitress, but I was the only one getting shut down. Sometimes the outback eats you, sometimes you eat the outback.

Frustrating but satisfying day!

Yes!

Thursday

Got my Taxes done. Yes. I got some Stars and Stripes Cola. Yes. Watched some Parks and Rec, but didn't get to watch all of it. I went for a run, that was pretty good. I am learning the reason I am not skinny is because I would quit running when my legs started to burn, I am now just kinda used to the burning feeling and just deal with that for the 15 minutes or so that I run with that feeling. I ate a tuna sandwhich and some other fish products. I watched the TWO new commercials for the Royals add campain one with Hosmer and one with Brett. COME ON ROYALS EXTEND GORDON and SIGN ROY OSWALT.

Thursday Morning

I ate Mi Ranchito yesterday which was delicious. I got a chicken Fajita. At one point the waitress came over to ask how everything was, and I brushed her away because I was too busy enjoying some chicken. Kansas destroyed Oklahoma yesterday which sets the stage for this weekend. It has been media day all week at the super bowl and I have to laugh at some of the athletes use of english.

"I would say it has been bittersweet because I am in the superbowl with a coach I really like"

I don't think most athletes grasp how to use the phrase "it's bittersweet" (Maybe they should ask Sister Hazel?) So you would think I would have "Bittersweet" by sister hazel in my brain right now, but I actually have "Bittersweet Synphony" by the Verve Pipe. No word yet if 50 cent has a picture of his dong queued up for twitter if the giants lose.


I am still loving The Black Keys "El Camino" Obviously the song "Lonely Boy" was a complete game changer. I have liked this band for awhile but they have annoying songs on their old albums. They do have a great song on the Zombieland Soundtrack! This is their most complete effort. Going back through some old albums I had forgotten how good Death Magnetic from Metallica is. They just released 4 more songs for that albums that I need to check out. Don't forget the best band of the 80's.

Wait...Nascar AND pinball? Yes Please

#1 Overall recruit goes to Mizzou

So the #1 overall recruit in the country is going to Mizzou. That is strange, I guess they can recruit a bit down there at Columbia. Now about that staduim.......

I got the Giants winning this weekend, they play good defense and can get after Terrific Tom.

I love Mi Ranchito.

Hint

When a girl is interested in you, you can do no wrong, when she isn't you can do no right.

Mixing together Topsy's popcorn

Have you ever let loose anarchy on popcorn that is taking the separator out of Topsy's popcorn. I have! Butter, Caramel and Red Flavors running together!