Demonpenz (aka Raphael's) life lessons

I am not a smart man, not the sharpest tool in the shed, not the brightest bulb. This thread is dedicated to help other people not make the same mistakes I did. Kind of like in pitfall when you get eaten by a gator, or when you send a guy out in war to see if there is any snipers and he gets his head blown off

Lesson number 1. If there is a couch by the dumpster, don't put it in your place, you don't know what it has on it and it will probably scratch the concrete and make you worried that you will have to pay for the scratched concrete (If anyone knows how to get scrapes or scratches off of concrete let me know. it is somewhat if a trail... to lead you to a dipshit that tried to take a couch from a dumpster.

Lesson number 2. If you wear glasses and they break. Order new glasses and don't put them off. I broke my glasses. Decided to try to super glue them. So I superglued them but got glue on my lenses. Then tried to scrape the glue off. The glasses then got stuck to my head and were blurry from the super glue. I ripped off my glasses taking off a chunk of my head and blead quite a bit. So now i have super glue and a bleading head. So then I googled it and read that nail polish remover will remove the glue. So I went to the store and got a funny look from the lady. Went home and dumped remover all over my glasses. It took the glue off but also screwed up my table. When the glue was gone I realized I scratched the crapshit out of my glasses trying to remove the super glue. Glasses Screwed, Tabled fooked, head bleeding, super glue used.
no matter what position you are in make sure you don't ask her to move even if her pussy keeps on making fart sounds. it is just rude. Also it is unromantic if you are having sexual intercourse and you tell her the sounds your penis is making when entering a vagina sounds like when you were dipping your spoon into cottage cheese for breakfest

It is also un romantic if you start kissing but her nose is making a weezing sound...to stop and put a breathe right strip on her nose. It will just make her unhorny and make her look like neil smith.

Also don't refer to her boobs as coleco vision controlers and her pussy as game genie. She won't understand awesome it is have P wings in every level in mario 3

If you drive an 88 ford tempo. Just accept it. It is a red piece of shit, it isn't the general lee, you aren't vin diesel. So don't press the break and gas together rev the engine and slam it in drive. You are going to hear a loud bang followed by the sound of you getting fired from long john silvers for being late again