June 1st 2015

The weather has been good. That has been nice. I don't like to be sweaty. I have been lifting more weights. I was really proud of myself because my work banned cell phones and instead of crying like a baby I started doing some simple curls and shoulder presses while I talk. I also am reading some books. It has been a good run as of late. I am doing everything I can to go to AA meetings do the twelve steps and talk to people and my sponsor Raymond. I have a big hole to get out of with bills but as long as I am not freaking out about it I can make progress. There are lots of times I have heavy anxiety where I have to drive, but those times seem to be going down with some treatment and practice not freaking out just because I have some anxiety. The worst is when I have anxiety and I feel bad for awhile and burn up some gas driving around. In my mind eventually I want to be a spiritual rock that I don't get upset unless it is for a reason. My sister and Ben have been awesome to me. I have been getting along with my nephew and the dog here in Lawrence. I am in good standing with my parents. I know how it works though, you get yourself in a bind then you get out then it becomes hard to keep moving forward when there is no drama. I will do my best to make sure everyday I do what it takes to stay sober and to maintain some sort of spiritual connection. I don't know what will happen in the future and I am not positive it will be awesome out the outside, but I know in reality that I will always have what I need. Maybe not everything I want. I have to be good with that. Royals are on a skid but they will be playing better soon. SKC is always awesome.