Tuesday

Yesterday I gave myself lots of time to watch beach videos and pray. I have had high anxiety even though everything is going well. I woke up today in fear again and I decided that it isn't getting better. I called down to Johnson County Mental health and they said because I wasn't in the hospital, on drugs/alcohol/meds that they recommended somewhere else to go. I was very upset and I called Raymond to see what he recommends, he said that he will get someone for me to go to for the issues. I have a bundle of fears. How am I going to pay for the treatment, will I be on heavy meds, how will I pay for the treatment. I am just going to do what I am told and trust that it will be O.K. On the bright side just having a plan and accepting whatever it is I am going to have to do I felt some relief. I was glad that I was able to lose some weight and get off the carbs before this happened. In the long run I know I will be able to work more and not let fear and anxiety make me take days off or make me just shut down. I am doing better now I just have to complete the work. I texted Byrdman as well, he is going to be a father, so while I was upset I did have a nice feeling for him. He has handled himself well and there is a reason why people love him so much. He is a cool guy to everyone and easy going.